About music practice?

[longestlurkerever]

How pushy are you when it comes to music practice? DD is 7 and has violin lessons at school. She's supposed to practise at least four times a week but it's always a battle and I'm fed up with it. I'm happy enough just to continue paying for lessons and gently encourage her to practise and shrug if she doesn't, but I think her teacher is getting fed up and I get lots of PA notes in her book and texts. I try getting tough and making her practise with threats etc but tbh it's no fun for anyone and feels a bit ridiculous. At the moment she's reading a book and I found myself threatening that she wouldn't be allowed sparklers after tea unless she put her book down and practised, then stopped myself as realised I sounded ridiculous. What do you do if gentle encouragement doesn't work? Is cancelling the lessons the only answer? It feels a shame as they are affordable and she enjoys practising now and again.

I don't think a routine like that would work for us. Mondays she has swimming, thursdays after school club, Friday she has to come with me to collect her sister from forest school. On the other days she will have a playdate more often than not. Similarly, after tea she has brownies one day, woodcraft folk another and her grandmas visiting another (ok they can listen). We don't have the same routine every day, except the mornings, and if things don't run to clockwork for whatever reason we miss our chance.

That's the thing about routine at ours. My ds has after school clubs which he has sometimes, and he doesn't sometimes, depend on if he get it or not. He sometimes meet at the park with friends after school. He has ex- curr club 3 days a week. It really doesn't matter, for us. what he does. First thing he does when he comes home from school is the music practice, and it's like that since he started, no matter what he did or going to do that day.

Our regular slot for homework and practices is after tea, though if they have time before they can do it early and spread things out. A morning slot works well for some people too, my kids are more night owls so evening suits us. Having a slot makes things smoother as it's not mum's crazy idea to practice it's just "practice time now" like "bath time now" or "breakfast time now".

Well OP to answer your last... I have 3 kids who all played string instruments pretty seriously from a very young age, (as well as Brownies, sports, acting, lots of playing with friends, etc), so I am well aware of how busy things are.

My students have multiple after school activities, and are not serious about violin, so I have seen this from lots of angles. I am always trying to make sure lessons are fun and they learn a little, while occasionally gently hinting at a little bit of practice at home. I just can see how much more fun they have when they have done a bit of preparation...

I play violin and it's bloody hard. My parents "made" me practice and it took years until the motivation finally properly kicked in - by my late teens I got quite good and ended up doing music at uni after doing grade 8.
However my parents pleaded with me for 3ish years at least and being musicians themselves were able to help me with it quite a bit. That's an awful lot of energy on their part though. I'm pleased they pleaded with me but not convinced I have the same energy for my own children to be frank.

Dd is also a night owl who does homework in the evening after meal regardless of other commitments/ clubs . The routine reduces arguments about practice.

I do think it helps to have some sort of routine, although sometimes the spontaneity should be encouraged too.
I think if they can be trusted or are weird like mine it's better to let them do it when they want to, whenever that is, considering neighbours, obviously. But if they need support to practice routine is far better, they know what to expect, and they can always come back for more later, or continue if time permits.
I don't think it's an all or nothing situation.

Yes. I'm going to try and stick with mornings for this reason but if we run out of time I'll squeeze it in somewhere else. If I aim for every day maybe we will manage most days?! Though there was another argument this morning even after our chat yesterday and today she has left her violin at school the Muppet so we are not doing brilliantly!

She says she enjoys the lessons but doesn't like practising.... Longest, my DD is 11 and a reasonably accomplished violinist. She goes to music college for advanced training every Saturday, loves her violin, and all the stuff she does with it. But hates practice with a passion and it can still be a battle emotionally. Think about it- we are asking them to do something they can't do very well over and over again. Who wants to do that!? Not many of us....They just want to skip to the part where they are awesome!

The teacher may be getting frustrated because they think your DD has an aptitude and could make great progress.

If DD enjoys the lessons, then keep going. At some point either a degree of acceptance (very much the case here!) or a genuine desire to practice to get better will emerge if she wants to play well. It is a self fulfilling prophecy, the better they get, the more they are prepared to to as they see the benefits.

A chat with the teacher to discuss potential and your DD's personality/ practice issues may be an idea.

We have a solid reward system which even my younger DD (sounds very similar to yours in temperament) responds to.

Of course the day may come when you decide it's not going anywhere and it's best to stop. But from ready your post I wouldn't say you are there yet.

Good luck!

Having commented earlier and read (most of ) the thread, I strongly recommend reconsidering violin as choice of instrument. Or at least giving it some serious thought. You say she wouldn’t stop asking for one, but what are her reasons and are they still valid?

I think it has to be ok to change instrument if it’s not working.

My daughter moved away from percussion because her gross motor skills were not precise enough. She then moved away from violin because it was difficult for her to coordinate 2 hands doing rather different things. She started playing wind which suits her much better, as she was playing on her line of symmetry and moved from one brass instrument to another because the size of mouthpiece suited her mouth/ lip shape better

She absolutely loved the percussion and the violin when she started, it just became clear that it was going to be frustrating to her. She had to accept she wasn’t going to be able to make that sound.

Watch her play, is she able to use the bow and get fingerings with any fluidity? How is she holding the instrument? Naturally or awkwardly?

I think you need to have the right physicality to go with an instrument, and genre of music too.

I think it has been a journey with my dd, but she has an understanding of the instruments she doesn’t play which helps her appreciate music better.

Good luck