to envy my friends stripped back life?

[lifeontheotherside]

I am just back from visiting my friend over the weekend and was struck by how lovely her life is compared to mine. She lives in an excouncil house in a semi rural area, with beautiful woods and countryside on her doorstep, she doesn't have a job but works from home part time on a hobby that also provides her an income. Her husband has a professional job, earns a good wage and they live well below their means so they always have money for treats and luxuries like a couple of holidays a year, nice skincare, books etc without buying into a lifestyle they don't want. She has quite a stripped down social calander and only makes time for people and things she really likes.

She seems to have the time to bake cakes, cook from scratch daily, read, exercise, have quality time with her husband. She looks about 15 years younger than me and I am the same age! I live in the city and juggle fulltime work, a 5 year old, my relationship, my social life, parents etc all on the fumes of my empty tank. My rent is very expensive for a pokey flat and even though I live in the city I spend hours a day commuting to and from work!

When I get home I don't even want to think about food so my diet is crap and I have no time for the gym. I feel like I am missing my son growing up and the stress of everything I have to do means I often don't enjoy my life very much. I can feel a sense of satisfaction if I meet a deadline or if my son seems happy but its mostly short lived as there is always something else to cope with!

My husband and I don't spend a lot of time together. I tend to veg out infront of some crap telly while he is on his laptop. We both like to be social and put pressure on ourselves to always be out doing something and challenging ourselves but again we just end up dragging ourselves through things we are meant to enjoy rather than truly enjoying it.

For many years I felt my friend was living a very limited life but now I can see that she was trying to make a life that would satisfy her and be a life she could actively enjoy instead of running around always on the go, too busy to really experiance it.

When I look around at my friends and workmates it seems like most people are just always on the go, exhausted, using or food to cope, not having the time or energy to enjoy their loved ones and children or to just be. I envy my friend her ability to see all that at a young age and take her life in a different direction but I think i'd be too scared to follow suit. I know I depend on my job for my identity and self worth, I worry that if our lives slowed down my marriage would fail or that I wouldn't have the inner recources to make a life for myself outside the mainstream life script.

I thought i was succeeding but now at 40 I wonder if I really made any choices at all. Does anyone else feel like this?

[Motoko]

Many jobs are a form of bondage and it is naive to suggest there is a nobility in doing them,

Yep, like the people working in accident claims or PPI call centres.

[longestlurkerever]

It's not a choice between staying in a job you hate and quitting work altogether though is it? Of you have the freedom to do the latter you have the freedom to find something you find more fulfilling. I genuinely don't see a moral obligation to work beyond what you need to sustain yourself, but the idea that someone who works is wasting their life in the way that someone sitting around watching daytime telly is not doesn't sit well with me. None of us are living the optimal, most fulfilling life. A bit less of the judgment and smugness would serve us all well.

[ginyogarepeat]

Pickle your last post is slightly ridiculous as it's so completely far-fetched. Our society is NEVER going to consist of everyone stopping work at an early age to pursue hobbies. Just as it's never going to consist solely of people working long hours with long commutes. So your point is completely moot - we don't have to imagine such a scenario as it will never happen. So long as people are happy pursuing whatever life suits them (as much as they're able to) what does it matter to you?
Also some wild assumptions being bandied about that lead you to conclude OP's friend is completely self-centred.

[speakout]

Again the hostility and misogyny surrounding part time work at home activity.

I work part time, at home making craft.

I also happen to make twice as much profit as my OH earns- and he is an IT security specialist.

[GrabEmByThePatriarchy]

If we all aimed to earn only a basic income, not that this is sufficiently realistic to really merit discussion, but if we did then society, the economy and the tax system would all be structured very differently anyway. The personal allowance would be unlikely to stay so high, for a start.

And frankly, society could manage well enough without the labour of plenty of people currently working. I appreciate that there are many workers whose loss we'd all feel greatly if they went down to two days a week. There are also many who aren't doing anything that's of any real benefit to society.

And want2be, the MLM is a red herring. Nobody on this thread is suggesting it amounts to any kind of genuine economic activity.

[morningconstitutional2017]

Try not to envy other people's lives - they may not be as lovely as they look. My life was a little bit like your friend - I worked part-time and it all seemed great. I had enough time to myself for hobbies, I wasn't too stressed. Then DH became very ill, I became his carer until he passed away. What had been lovely became a nightmare. When everything seems hunky-dory life has a way of hitting you in the face. Try to cut back what you can and enjoy each other as you never know if and when the rug is going to be pulled out from under you.

[speakout]

I count my lucky stars every day.

My life has not always been this good- sometimes I have to pinch myself.

[explodingkitten]

My DH's job is his hobby. He started it when he was about 10 years old. He works from home and when he likes. If the weather is nice he'll go cycle or walk outside, he might then do some work in the evenings if he feels like it.

Not all hobbies are macrame covers (although there's nothing wrong with that). My DH is a specialist software programmer. Yes, he started writing code as a child and yes, it's still his hobby. He also makes around 110.000 a year with it. People who make money from their hobby aren't a drain on the society or their partners.