To think daughter is ungrateful/expects too much

[Pompom42]

Have a teenage daughter she's 13.
She currently shares a bedroom with her younger sister. The younger sister is 3 but isn't really sleeping in there atm she still sleeps in my room with me.
We have a 2 bed bungalow which is not tiny but not large either. But we are all on the one floor so I appreciate we do get in each other's way at times.
Just recently she keeps saying to me "wish I didn't have to share a room with my sister".
Whilst it isn't ideal as I said youngest isn't sleeping in there. It's a nice room and was all decorated and new beds etc 2 years ago.
Now she's started saying "this house is tiny, when can we move?"
"All my friends houses are bigger, this house is really really tiny compared to theres"
I've said to her tonight I can't afford anything else. We live in a naice area and at the time it was this house or nothing. We have a drive and a garden and it's in a pretty village.
For some reason it's made me feel really upset. AIBU in thinking she's spoilt? Or is this normal teenage behaviour?
What about years ago when you had families of 6 children all living in a 3 bed house.
What can I say to her?

Why did you start this thread OP? You’ve no intention of actually making it better for your dds in terms of space. Especially when you do have options.

Rachelover40

It gets worse, she even has to share a wardrobe with a three year old!

I'm sure Social Services would definitely think that worthy of investigation!

And do you run a loft conversion business? You've certainly suggested it enough times.

28 pages in and people are still trying to find undiscovered rooms! Have you checked whether you have a billiard room or a ballroom you could spare?
I have a friend from a reasonably well off family in the Gulf. 3 bedrooms. The 5 boys always shared, as did the 4 girls. They only leave home when they get married. Friend age 26 is currently the oldest unmarried daughter and continues to share with the 13 year old daughter. 4 of the boys, now in their 20s, still share. Apparently they all love sharing. I'm sure it encourages tolerance / being able to rub along with people.

Sorry haven’t read full thread but my immediate thought would be keep bunk for 3 year old, top bunk could be her toys, storage, etc, and get a single the other side of room for teen. Not sure how big room is? Some kind of room divider in middle?
Of course it’s fine as it is, many have to share. It’s tough being a teenager with all those hormones though so if you could give her as much privacy as possible i’m sure it would be best for all involved!

OP, you sound like a lovely mum. You're doing the best that you can for your children, despite evidently having some horrible event take place. It sounds very much like your DD is just testing you and being a normal, hormonal teenager. You have given both of your children a nice, comfortable place to live, holidays that they will remember and have provided love and support for them, despite your own personal emotions and maintained stability by staying in the same ar. You have given your daughter options, she's not missing out on anything

Ungrateful is a strong word ; she is sharing her feelings of being upset about a situation

Retired65

Yawn.......

I have a teen and 2 toddlers so understand the gap and the issues it can raise! We're lucky enough to have a room for the teen and one for the toddlers but can totally understand why your teen is moaning. I also think buckle up for the next few years because mine is 15 and has pretty much moaned at everything from bedrooms to crockery in the last few years. Here's the latest: Our windows are too small, I hate the blinds and think our house looks really old and crap. ahhhh bless ya lovely teenage girl

Believeitornot

Sorry? What a silly comment

Sorry, accidentally hit post. Anyway, people have been very unfair to you and I was frustrated reading same questions over and over because a lot didn't rtft. Can't imagine how frustrating it was for you. Incidentally, children can be very ungrateful, and I don't think it's wrong to call them out. It's how they learn the value of things. Sounds like you have already weathered the biggest storm. You're going to be fine x

Mamabear4180
Really made me laugh. Yes I'm sure this is just the start of it.
When she turned 13 i should have realised it'd be hard with a teenager, toddler and a crazy dog

You need to look at it from your daughters eyes

lyndar

Really? That she's hard done by. That she wishes she had a double bed. That she wishes our house was bigger and not so teeny tiny.

Believeitornot

Yup the loft conversion, the extension, moving house, not going on holiday....I've heard it all believe

@Pompom42 this generation is the social media I'm better than you generation so yes look at it from her perspective

Honestly teens and toddlers are a craaaazy mix! We must be mad! You're doing great. It's all a big guilt trip sometimes but your house sounds lovely and you have nothing to feel bad about. Especially with a 3yo in bed with you, you couldn't be more accommodating really!

Can you get bars put on the window of the bedroom at the front?
Then she would feel/be safe and there would be no need for her to fear a burglary?

I think that now, you have given her every option realistically possible and should just write down her choices for her and leave her to it. Share with toddler, have own smaller room( with bars or security screens) or just get over it and accept things the way they are .
I'd be tempted to pull the TV out of her bedroom as well, as at a later date that won't be conducive to study either ( but any kind of electronics in bedrooms is a personal bug-bear of mine - I won't let DH have a TV in our room either).

If it's any help to know and you are worried about her studying in future while sharing with her younger sister, my teen does not have a dedicated study space in his room as he gets nothing done without supervision - so the dining room table is his study space. It's made him more organised and removes the option of farting around on his phone for hours. Phone and headphones for online chat are confiscated till study is finished. His gaming computer is in the family space too, and is screened off so he can have some privacy. This was after some dirt bag at school was sharing snuff movies, extreme porn and telling him to kill himself regularly. ( he is 15) .
His grades have improved as has his self-esteem with these changes. His younger brother took a bit of training to learn to stay away but has got it now that he has homework to do.

She'll be fine continuing to share, and eating dinner occasionally on our laps when big study projects are afoot has not destroyed the family dynamic.

( Just don't sleep on a sofa bed in the lounge, - if you have sciatica now, it will be far far worse after a few weeks on that! )

lyndar

But we are not the Kardashian's and the sooner she realises that the better.
I'm an instamum myself whatever that is and the house isn't tiny, we live in an affluent area and some of her friends parents are bank managers and lawyers, I am not these things.
I can't sugar coat it, I can't pretend to be something we are not.
Her sister isn't even sleeping in her room at present.

"You still haven't said why a loft extension isn't possible when so many bungalows have them."

To those who keep suggesting that OP extends the house or converts the loft, aren't you assuming that she owns the house. I don't think she has actually said whether she owns it or rents it.

If it is the case that it is rented then OP does not have the option of converting or extending.

Certainly, I'm making my own assumptions here, as I think Pompom rents the house, choosing the option of a small detached bungalow with a garden (rather than, for example, a less expensive but larger terrace house with very limited outside space) because she needs the shed, which she has adapted as a tiny music studio, which she needs in order to earn a living.
That would be a rock and a hard place, move to a bigger property but be unable to earn a living, or stay in the smaller property meaning a bedroom must be shared.

I'm probably wrong in my assumptions , but either way, if OP doesn't want to explain her circumstances then we simply have to believe that she cannot move and cannot extend, so a solution has to be sought within the boundaries of those things.

Lots of posters have offered ideas that would work within that.

Honestly, my reading of it is that the OP thinks her dd is ungrateful and would think that regardless of what she asked for.

Her Dd’s request is hardly outlandish or even spoilt. Why the competitive race to the bottom to see who can treat their dcs the meanest because “that’ll teach them for being spoilt”.

If you think she’s ungrateful, take a look in the mirror OP..... you’re her parent!

@Pompom42 hahahaha she definitely realises l l that

@Pompom42 reporting

lyndar

Well done you 👏