To think daughter is ungrateful/expects too much

[Pompom42]

Have a teenage daughter she's 13.
She currently shares a bedroom with her younger sister. The younger sister is 3 but isn't really sleeping in there atm she still sleeps in my room with me.
We have a 2 bed bungalow which is not tiny but not large either. But we are all on the one floor so I appreciate we do get in each other's way at times.
Just recently she keeps saying to me "wish I didn't have to share a room with my sister".
Whilst it isn't ideal as I said youngest isn't sleeping in there. It's a nice room and was all decorated and new beds etc 2 years ago.
Now she's started saying "this house is tiny, when can we move?"
"All my friends houses are bigger, this house is really really tiny compared to theres"
I've said to her tonight I can't afford anything else. We live in a naice area and at the time it was this house or nothing. We have a drive and a garden and it's in a pretty village.
For some reason it's made me feel really upset. AIBU in thinking she's spoilt? Or is this normal teenage behaviour?
What about years ago when you had families of 6 children all living in a 3 bed house.
What can I say to her?

Antigon

What stairs?
It's a bungalow

I grew up with three sisters and a revolving door of foster kids and us sisters shared in various combos depending on who had fallen out with whom.

Did I hate it sometimes? Yes, especially when I had a couple mates who had their own room AND own lounge but too bad. 13 is old enough to be told “tough, it’s good enough, just not perfect”.

When DS3 is born, he’ll have to share with 5 y/o DS1 once he goes from bassinet to cot as our room has no space for a standard cot. 4 bed social housing is like hen’s teeth here (they’re the last 3 beds with dining rooms that housing haven’t renovated yet) so it’ll be a permanent arrangement.

nomoreusernamesfree

Have you bothered to read the thread?
I am sharing with the toddler.

Thats a big age gap. Would I be right in thinking she's only got another couple of years at home? Why not just sleep with the toddler until she moves out? Its a bit spoilt but how many of us can hand on heart we were rational 16 year olds ;) I think all kids get the grass is greener syndrome! Even my 7 year old asks why we don't have a big garden.

Would I be right in thinking she's only got another couple of years at home?

She's only 13, she'll be at home for at least another 5 years. If she decides to go to uni she'll only be away during term time. Then when unis over she could end up moving back in until she has saved enough for a house deposit. She could be home for another 10 years easily. 17 years if she says until she's 30 like the OP joked.

Totally missing the whole point of the thread with this but are the bunk beds 6ft wide, high or long??

I read it as 6ft wide and am fascinated by super king bunks

It sounds like it isn’t really about sharing. She isn’t sharing at the moment.

Just she has seen double bed. Next week it might be something else.

Sounds like normal teenage moaning but if there lots of things like this, may feel like nothing is good enough.

Ah, KK. Maybe if you could shift the bed so it’s at a perpendicular to the window, something like this could be a possibilty with converting the existing bed frame?

Rainbowark

I'm well aware it's a big age gap. Most have less some people have more.
Not sure how it'll pan out toddler in with me atm but clothing in sisters room.
I didn't plan to live like this. Its circumstantial.

Definitely divide the room anyway you can - or could the living room be made smaller to turn into 2 rooms? If you have windows at each end I would have thought that might be possible?

Even a really small bedroom for 3 year old would be better than sharing.

OP dont get worked up about this .Your doing your best .Dont give her any more choices .Your the adult here also think of the fire risk with a curtain dividing the room.
Sleep over it .

homebirds

Living room is small anyway and is an L shape. The dining table and chairs is in the bottom of the L part.
The garden access is through the lounge.
Not sure it's a good idea to have people waking through a bedroom to access the garden.

She's a teenager who is maturing- obvs it's rubbish she can't have her own rokm, but totally understandable. You can empathise with her feelings whilst explaining that. It's ok for our lids to express how tbey feel, they don't need to ve the dali lama. It's up to us tp help them understand the reality of the world.

NRTFT as on a train with patchy reception... but my immediate thought is that your daughter was expressing her feelings and that's a really good and healthy thing to do. All you need to do is listen and validate it - understand that she might feel it's not fair at times. You don't have to try and fix it. Just active listening. 🙂

Palaver1

True. And thanks. To me some of it seems like really silly suggestions but to others I guess they don't.

Theflying19

I think you're right, my first thought was to try and fix it but it's possible it'll fix itself somehow. I don't know. Eldest slept with me until she was 10/11 totally her choice but she did at least have a room to go to.

Op where does you’re partner fit into this? Had he passed away you describe circumstances beyond you’re control. Unfortunately life isn’t as simple as posters might think. We have three dc 10yr ds 5 yr dd and 2.5 ds most people can’t afford 4 bedroom houses that I know. At the moment ds2 and dd share; we will have to cross that bridge when it comes to it as they get older. Both you’re dc are girls and sometimes siblings share, both my brothers did and they used their wardrobes to divide their bedroom which gave them privacy.

I think she has a right to have feelings and as a teenager you do tend to want privacy. But she's still a kid not an adult. Sge wont understand u cant just magic up money. You need to tell her.

OP , you are doing fine.
Your daughter will be fine sharing.
If she got her own room she’d soon find something new to complain about.

You sound fab, by the way.

A couple I knew had older son and younger daughter, they put a partition wall up in there bedroom and shared it with daughter and it worked. Son moved out at 23 when daughter was 11 and wall was taken down ... My niece 16 shares room with 2 year old sister and loves it, but she's old enough to appreciate family and sharing. Your daughter at awkward age and needs privacy she's not being horrible, give her some empathy and maybe let her stay out a bit later. I'm short throw her a bone ... They will adore each other anyway :)

margesimpson40

Stay out a bit later?
When she's older you mean?

Smallhorse

Thanks. Best comment I've had all day 👍🏻

I can understand why your daughter feels like she does. Do you have a loft you could convert into a bedroom?

Don't take it to heart, in my experience many 13 year olds are self-centred and just plain hard work. Mine has her own room, lovely house and nothing to complain about, but she's always comparing her situation to others who have more (there's always someone with more!) and moaning about being hard done by - my "research" indicates we've only got another 5 years of this until she "comes out the other side" of the rude, entitled, selfish growing up phase after which, apparently, they miraculously transform into nice human beings! Hang on in there, you're doing a great job!

We had this exact situation, no space, no money to move/extend, we divided the double room into two, it worked out not expensive at all, we did it ourselves with a stud wall, it means one room is a walk through for the other, but we put teenager in the far room so the toddler didn’t need to go in her room.
Alternatively, high sleeper bed for the teenager, they come with a desk and drawers usually , it will give her more usable space, ikea do a good one, then a divide or thick curtain to separate the room into two