To think daughter is ungrateful/expects too much

[Pompom42]

Have a teenage daughter she's 13.
She currently shares a bedroom with her younger sister. The younger sister is 3 but isn't really sleeping in there atm she still sleeps in my room with me.
We have a 2 bed bungalow which is not tiny but not large either. But we are all on the one floor so I appreciate we do get in each other's way at times.
Just recently she keeps saying to me "wish I didn't have to share a room with my sister".
Whilst it isn't ideal as I said youngest isn't sleeping in there. It's a nice room and was all decorated and new beds etc 2 years ago.
Now she's started saying "this house is tiny, when can we move?"
"All my friends houses are bigger, this house is really really tiny compared to theres"
I've said to her tonight I can't afford anything else. We live in a naice area and at the time it was this house or nothing. We have a drive and a garden and it's in a pretty village.
For some reason it's made me feel really upset. AIBU in thinking she's spoilt? Or is this normal teenage behaviour?
What about years ago when you had families of 6 children all living in a 3 bed house.
What can I say to her?

troodiedoo

She's 3 and atm she doesn't really have a room by all accounts

She is at an age where they want their own space and bring friends back to their room. It’s normal stuff she’s not being spoilt. Could you swap bedrooms with them, if yours is bigger, then maybe you could split your room for them?

Sorry! Didn’t see your last post!

Probably your parents spoilt you so much that you think it is normal behaviour to indulge any little wish of your teenager... you do sound spoiled and wanting your way even now on this thread! How pushy you sound ... and you don’t know the OP and have no stake in this!

Mysisterhasabrother - so its ok for you to judge what I am like from the posts made on this thread but not Ok for me or anyone else to judge the OP for what she has written in her posts! Irony??

Grew up on a council estate in a very large family, divorced parents when it was hardly a thing, single parent for many years, no holidays etc. Not doing the full monty python sketch but I certainly didn't grow up in a naice middle class area.

if you have read the full thread then you will see that I commented that there was no need for the OP to sleep on a sofa in the lounge. I suggested, on more than one occasion that she put the 3 year old in the double room then asked the eldest in a week or so what she wanted - single room on her own or double room shared.

There is absolutely no need for children to have their own room. BUT there IS a need for 15 - 18 year olds to have somewhere that they can study - quietly. That space doesn't have to be a bedroom. that's why I suggested a shed in the garden with a heater. But, and if you have read the full thread you will know this mysisterhasabrother, the OP has a shed - with heating etc and its a recording studio in her garden but this isn't on offer to her eldest to use as a room to study in.

I have multiple teenagers in our house, and will do for the next fair few years. and what I also have is a room - a conservatory type thing - not huge but with an electric heater in where my DC can study quietly. because, and I will just say it again, that's what I have said is the important thing in all of this. providing kids who are doing gcse's and a levels with somewhere quiet to study.

if you think its spoiling kids and being indulgent to want them to get good exam results then absolutely, I am guilty as charged.

the girl is 13. this is the start of the teenage years, theres a lot more to come in my experience. if the Op doesn't want to listen then as I again have said a couple of times in the thread, that's up to her.

but don't post on AIBU is you get arsey when someone says you are being unreasonable.

I slept in a 12x12 room with my 2 sisters. Tough - you suck it up !I’d take very little notice of her.
When she was 14 my own DD constantly complained about our front door which she didn’t like 😂 we live in a 4 bed detached in a lovely area.
Teenagers are teenagers. I’d explain once to her that she’s lucky to have a roof over her head, food on her table and that that’s life !

I had a similar issue with a smaller age gap.. I continued to make mine share until eldest was 15 and youngest 10 .. now however I have given them their own room. I sleep on sofa bed downstairs and store my clothes in biggest room. I only used bedroom to sleep in and gcse studying became a real issue. If I had a partner tho it wouldn’t happen .. it’s a temporary measure in my eyes as eldest will be at uni in a couple of years

No 13yr old wants to share with a 3yr old, she is probably amongst other things embarrassed to invite her friends around. I'd put the 3yr old properly in with yourself. It may end up spoiling their bonding as siblings if she harbours this for years.

Tomboytown

Thank you. I realise it's not ideal and if I had a magic wand everyone would have their own room and I'd have a spare too.
I'm trying my best here I really am. Can't believe people saying I'm selfish firstly and secondly why did I "pop out" more kids.
I can't believe people would really say these things.
I just wasn't sure if yesterday if she was acting spoilt or not which is why I came on to ask. I'd took her out to buy a coat and 2 pair boots and the minute we got through the front door she started asking all these questions about why she had to share a room and why we can't get a bigger house....nothing had necessarily happened.
6 months ago she said my car was embarrassing I didn't mind that so much as it's fairly old but has a low mileage so explained that to her.

I haven’t read the whole thread so sorry if this isn’t relevant. (1) could you give her your small room and share the big one with the three year old yourself (2) could you move to a bigger house is a slightly less naice area. I don’t think you’re being U but neither is she, if I had this problem I would try and solve it

Aria999

Moving isn't an option atm sadly I've offered her the smaller room this morning, she says no as it's at the front of the house

She isa teenager and needs her own space not have to share a room with a 3 year old . Even though you say she’s in with you you also say she shares a room. So presumably 3 year olds stuff is in there

TAMS71

The 3 year old is in with me.
A few clothes doesn't hurt surely?

TAMS71

She has her friends round all the time. Someone stays once a week

nannygoat50

Clothes that all. No toys

but pompom42 she is saying no to the small room because its a climb down and a worse room than having a big double room to herself. if she has the youngest in with her and realises the implications of that then she might change her mind mightn't she?

Thisisnotreallymyname

Haha the front door! How bizarre. Funny things they say.
My DD thinks my car is embarrassing too. Explained to her it's extremely low mileage and a lot bigger than my old car. She didn't say much after that.

Aria. Without wishing to be rude, do you not think that may already have been suggested in the 584 posts preceding yours?

Pompom - I don't understand a lot of the responses to this thread and I admire your restraint.
I think these attitudes show why a lot of kids are entitled and have no concept of what's important. Your kids are safe and loved, and sound well looked after.
The situation may not be ideal but unfortunately life often isn't. I think that if that's the worst that your daughter has to deal with, then she's doing ok.

but pompom42 she is saying no to the small room because its a climb down and a worse room than having a big double room to herself.

Exactly, in her eyes you're offering

1. A large room she doesn't have to share

2. A much smaller room, she doesn't have to share

It's easy to see why she is reluctant to swap, unless you make a condition of the larger room being that she has to share starting this week then I can't see this changing. You've also since said that the small room is at the front of the house, and you had people on the drive burgling your car 5 months ago, so I can see that being a reason for not wanting to swap. Another poster has suggested swapping the lounge at the back into a bedroom, and this may work well depending on the sizes.

I cant help but think that there is a difference between those of us who have kids who have gone through their teens and those that haven't.

teenage angst and moodiness can get a whole lot worse than this. Its only just begun.....

Ok, hands up I haven't rtft but what I have read has surprised me. Op do not get a sofa bed in the living room, uncomfortable and no privacy for you. Do not share the bigger room with youngest Dr 13 yr old is just going to have to accept the realities of life. A younger friend, single mum, had just this same problem. She had a very nice room shed built in the back garden with electric light and oil filled radiator. Teenage daughter uses this as a private sitting room and uses the shared bedroom purely for sleeping. Works very well. Would this be an option?

thanks Icerebel. I do say reasonable things. the Op ignores it. her right of course but still.

Could she have the small room and you share with the 3 yr old

papersmile

Thanks I was only ever going to have the 1 child too but circumstances changed and I was blessed with another. She's def meant to be here and I was happy to give my other DD a sibling. Guess I never thought of any implications later on down the line.
I'm not rushing the 3 year old to sleep in with her big sis atm as she isn't ready. Eldest wanted to sleep with me until she was 10/11 even though she had her own room.

I don’t think your DD is being unreasonable - sorrry I know that’s not what you want to hear but there are ALOT of things 13 year olds go through that do not accommodate a 3 year year old watching 🙈😂

I would be less worried about now and more so about 2-3 years from now when DD is 15/16 and youngest us 5/6 at that stage youngest will need her own room (it’s very weird and a bit emotionally stunting not to have one - or so my child development therapist best friend says)

What are you going to do then OP?
Your home isn’t big enough for the children you have and it’s something you as an adult need to address x