To think daughter is ungrateful/expects too much

[Pompom42]

Have a teenage daughter she's 13.
She currently shares a bedroom with her younger sister. The younger sister is 3 but isn't really sleeping in there atm she still sleeps in my room with me.
We have a 2 bed bungalow which is not tiny but not large either. But we are all on the one floor so I appreciate we do get in each other's way at times.
Just recently she keeps saying to me "wish I didn't have to share a room with my sister".
Whilst it isn't ideal as I said youngest isn't sleeping in there. It's a nice room and was all decorated and new beds etc 2 years ago.
Now she's started saying "this house is tiny, when can we move?"
"All my friends houses are bigger, this house is really really tiny compared to theres"
I've said to her tonight I can't afford anything else. We live in a naice area and at the time it was this house or nothing. We have a drive and a garden and it's in a pretty village.
For some reason it's made me feel really upset. AIBU in thinking she's spoilt? Or is this normal teenage behaviour?
What about years ago when you had families of 6 children all living in a 3 bed house.
What can I say to her?

Alayaa
No you're wrong. She's only just 13 she's a late August born. She goes in trampoline most days as do her friends.
She isn't childish but isn't constantly talking about boys and listening to rap music if that's what you mean

Also if you can afford 120 for a kids coat and 4 holidays a year I think you can afford to put an extension on. Seriously I am not short of money and would only spend half of that on a kids winter coat!

Hannahut
You haven't read the thread properly I was in a 3 bed 3 years ago.
What part didn't I think through properly????

mummymeister
Go away and stop digging.
It is my job.
I work what hours I want. I don't have to work past 7.30 because you say so

OP I've have eight DC in a small cottage so they've always shared (3 in one room, 3 in another, 2 in another tiny tiny room. They're older now and seven are at uni/ beyond uni so no problems any more but we do need to use the garden shed (carpeted/ with electric radiator) at Christmas etc. Would it be possible to move your music equipment into the DDs' bedroom and have that for your music and for your youngest (who doesn't really need it during the day), making a cosy room in the shed for your teenager?

Most teens would struggle with this to be honest. I would switch it round and have you & youngest have the biggest room and have your eldest have the small room. I think if you possibly can, giving teens space to shut the door and shout/cry/chill with friends will benefit the whole family.

Op is the music studio for your job?

It's an unusual thing to have in the garden, and if not needed for work perhaps it could become a shared space since you're quite short on space in the house.

Pompom42 - some of your assumptions and comments about life are frankly just odd!

Machete wielding estates? is this what you think all social housing is like?

being offended that someone dare to ask if you were renting?

talking about boys and listening to rap music? really is that what you think makes a teen not sound childish?

and the music studio - guess you don't want to answer that, bit of an inconvenient truth for you perhaps.

I've had, that should read.

I am amazed by all the people stating that having two sisters share a room is tantamount to child cruelty.

I shared a box room with bunk beds with my sister because, shockingly, we could not afford a bigger house. There was 6 years between us and I know it was a pain for her and me but we both survived.

We also had happy childhoods, with loving parents.

And yes, I do wish I had had my own room, and I was amazed when I saw the size of some of my friends’ bedrooms and pretty jealous, but that’s life.

It’s not ideal. Your younger DD won’t always be three. She’ll be a lot more evident when she’s six and your DD is sixteen.

You’re spending money on Netflix and Sky, Haven holidays etc. Not that cheap. Could you save on some of that and build her a small cabin in the garden?

Or since it’s already got electricity should be simple enough to run that into a new neighbouring shed.
I was pleased about two same sex dc but it didn’t work in many ways (age gap too) and we moved to a less naice but still non machete wielding area where they have their own rooms (with shed potential if need be!) Wish we’d moved years ago

Myimaginarycathasfleas

There's no room in garden for small cabin
There's a trampoline and large shed already there

ImDivingin - that might have been the case at first but the thread has moved on.

the OP does not want to accept that her choices impact her children. I suggested many posts ago about a shed to use as study space and only now does the OP say she has one, its heated and its a music studio!

sharing or not sharing doesn't determine if you have a happy life - of course it doesn't. but having a parent who listens to you and understands things from your point of view with a bit of empathy, priceless really. I guess I just get pretty annoyed with the "me me, me" adults that post on MN.

There may well be planning restrictions on a new shed, hence my suggestion for moving the music into the house and the teenager into the shed.

its not a large shed pompom. its a recording studio. your recording studio.

IceRebel

I play and teach music yes for extra income. It's not my main job, I have an 'actual' job.

Any reason the swap couldn't work OP?

So within 9 months you were pregnant, had to move and ended up in a two bungalow?

If you had the baby before you moved surely you would have opted for a three bed in a different area.

Best thing would be to save for a lift conversion or an extension on the back for another room.

For now it should be you and the youngest in the double room and your 13 year old in the single. I'm all for sharing and had to share with my brother from when he was born to about 14 years old but we had a small age gap. But the age gap is just too big.

Why do you get your own room while your DD has to share with a toddler?

mummymeister
It is a large shed, that is what it is. With carpet and soundproofing
It's not as big as you might think

Hannahhut
Toddler is in my room with me atm
And yes that really happened.
All in the space of 9 months believe it or not.

so why cant you share this space pompom? and why didn't you mention this when asked about sheds hours ago? Be honest is it more of a hobby shed than somewhere to make a proper income from?

you have to stop being so aggressive. it wont get you anywhere with a teenager. Clearly you have been affected by the traumatic life event and so might she. perhaps this is why she is behaving like this?

I shared a bedroom with my little sister for ten years (from 10 and 2 to 20 and 12!). We usually got on well, and even when we didn't I'd never have dreamt of moaning about it and asking to move to a bigger house, because I knew that we simply couldn't afford it. My mother had also shared a bed with siblings when growing up in poverty in Ireland, so I felt comparatively better-off.

Obviously there were inconveniences as I got older, but it suited me much better to stay living at home while still studying as a young adult (vocational qualifications after I didn't do well at school), and put up with the relative lack of privacy, than to move out.

I'm an introvert and would never put up with sharing a bedroom with a stranger (the American university setup is my idea of Hell), or even a friend for more than a couple of nights, but immediate family is different.

I think that your DD wishing she didn't have to share isn't being spoilt, but repeated comments about other people's houses being bigger and asking to move is. At 13 she's old enough to understand the financial situation.

I did say I have a shed but not for her use ages ago but guessing you didn't read properly.
Who are you to say I can't make a proper income from it?
Why just guess

Bloody hell come on, the OP is getting a hard time here. It’s fairly obvious she’s been through some shitty times and doesn’t need a kicking for having a moan about an ungrateful teenager.
OP has offered her daughter the smaller room to herself (acceptable compromise, no?) and her daughter has refused. I assume her daughter enjoys the holidays (and would no doubt be put out if they got canned) and asked for the particular coat.
While I don’t think a teen and a toddler sharing a room is ideal, whose lives are 100% ideal? It is what it is.