To wish people would stop insisting I should be trying to be in a couple

[dawnacorns]

I'm a lp and have been for years. Pretty happy with how things stand after an abusive marriage, have found out what I enjoy, made new friends and travelled a bit. Also, I don't fancy a blended family tbh. Nothing wrong with it, just don't fancy the aggro of it.
One or two friends just keep on about meeting someone, why don't I, etc. I've said I'm fine as I am. If I happened one day to meet someone lovely then great. If not then I'm fine as I am. Yet it doesn't seem to be enough and every time I see them they are on about it. Or about single people being too picky, or other variations. Why don't they just stop it. Or AIBU

I was single for 12 years after splitting with my kids dad, when people commented I just said that I had 2 kids to look after and didn't fancy having another one in the house 😂

Several of my married friends totally envied me and said they wouldn't look for another partner if they split with their husbands.

I'm glad I just concentrated on my kids whilst they were young, and now they're teenagers I have the freedom to spend time with my partner without trying to keep everyone happy.

YANBU. I was on my own with DS1 for 8 years, my ex having left before DS1 was born. I had support from family and friends but mostly it was just the two of us. I loved my life. I had the freedom to do what I wanted and together we had some great adventures. Some people were insistent that I should be actively "looking for love". I got to the stage where I would just bluntly tell people to shut up about it.

Despite not looking for love it found me when I least expected it. I now have a partner and DS2. It all worked out well but there are times when I miss the days when it was just me and my PFB exploring the world and having fun together. Life was a lot less complicated.

We live in a society so obsessed with everyone finding “the one” and bedding down into happily married monogamy that I think a lot of people can’t comprehend why you might have no interest in pursuing that. I suppose I can see why it might be a big perplexing to see people who have no interest in something so ingrained into our culture. And also, I think some people find it a little bit threatening - I’ve had more than one acquaintance, when drunk, say that I’m a bad example of how women should behave as once men see women who aren’t into LTRs they start thinking they can mess women who do want them around. Go figure. I’m just getting on with things in my own way.

I'm getting older now so I get people either looking at me sympathetically or thinking I'm bitter! Because of course everyone in their world wants a relationship! I get "well surely you don't want to be on your own when you're old?" but actually, yes I do! What if the guy dies before me or I end up being his carer? Or he's just a grumpy old sod?! I've "done" relationships and now I'm happy as I am. No bitterness, no regret. I just like being able to please myself and live life as I want. Yes occasionally a hug would be nice, it's about all I miss, but I wouldn't want a relationship for just a few hugs!

I hear you. I'm a lone parent and I have zero interest in being in a relationship, especially in ever living with a partner. I love how my life is now. It's fantastic. I love being the boss of my own home and while obviously, I think of my DS is all major and many minor decisions, they are still my decisions and I don't need to consult anyone or compromise in ways I don't feel like. I can't imagine that ever changing, though I accept that it might if I meet someone who changes my mind. But I'm not looking for it, not one little bit.

I think you are giving them mixed messages. Tell them you are happy on your own and have decided to live that way for the foreseeable future. They will leave you alone.
I have been single 10 years. I'm extremely happy that way and my friends wouldn't dare to try to set me up

I was happily shagging about, but everyone was telling me that I should get into a relationship.

It lasted six years, but I regret it. Looking back I put emotional energy into it that should have went to my children. It did stop me making the best choices just for me.

I think Society needs to change its mindset about single Women, especially those that are actively wanting to stay single.

I have told them that hazell but it just seems to not register. One friend in particular does it and I've actually said quite clearly I do not want a relationship and am not looking for one. In fairness a number of my friends don't question it, especially those with dcs. It is different I think being a lp because you don't get much free time anyway.
Thanks for all the contributions, it helps that others get it.
I agree society needs to change from the whole Bridget Jones narrative. It suits people to think all single women are desperate to change that and they don't like it if you're not.

I found the response ‘your assumption that your way of life is the one I should follow, is the best and the only one worth contemplating is supremely arrogant and, in addition, as you saying I’m not ‘enough’ on my own?’ pretty much shut up the friends who used to say that to me. They apologised!

I tell people that I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

I might use that single

I’m long term single - happily so - and got this from a work friend on Friday. Despite my saying I’m happy as I am, he said ‘But surely there’s got to come a point when you realise it’s time to get serious and settle down?’

WHY does there ‘have’ to be? Why couldn’t he accept that maybe I did get serious and ask myself if I really wanted a relationship - and the answer was no?

I've had a few serious involvements in the past and I have someone in my life now who I like to bang the shit out of spend a bit of time with, but I don't know if I'll ever want to be in an actual relationship. Living together permanently, tolerating each others families etc. All I want is to buy a house for myself and live in it alone. If I achieve that I honestly don't think I'll ever want to give it up for anyone.

People who constantly drone on about being in a couple etc are probably too needy and dependent on other people to understand some people just prefer to be by themselves, which I find quite pathetic if I'm honest.

Fuck them.

Tell them that lots of studies have suggested that the happiest people tend to be married men and.... single women!

I often think the pressure on women to get all coupled up is precisely because coupledom is a much better deal for men than for women.

@SpikyHair

All I want is to buy a house for myself and live in it alone. If I achieve that I honestly don't think I'll ever want to give it up for anyone.

I'm lucky enough to have my own place and I LOVE it! It's absolute bliss and I barely see any downsides. It would take a very, very special man to tempt me out of living alone. I honestly don't understand this obsession with having to move in with a partner. Sure, if you've got kids together and/or can't afford to live alone, but if that's not the case, why this assumption that moving in together has to be the inevitable 'next step'?

I tell them I'm saving myself for the millionaire of my dreams.

I'm lucky to have my own place as well iced I run it alone, get any DIY etc sorted or get help in, and have done everything on my own for years. As pp said a hug would be nice occasionally, although at present I can get a hug from dcs anyway. Later on I could get a dog. I've weighed up the pros and cons of being single or in a couple and have been married so have tried that. At the moment I'm the happiest I have ever been. I don't feel like I need a man to add something tbh. What would they add.

Totally agree. I've been alone with ds (14) since he was 1.

People often wonder why I haven't looked for love or gone dating.

It's because after years of being in a relationship where I felt inadequate which took a lot after being sexually assaulted as a late teen I'm finally happy with who I am. I don't need someone to complete me so I haven't looked for that.

Plus ds is disabled so he's enough work without adding to it 😂

I wish my mother thought like you do. You sound like you have your priorities right.

If I ever split with my husband or he passed away I would feel the same.

YANBU OP.

I find the assumption that a woman can only be happy as part of a couple deeply insulting.

My stock answer when people say “never say never” is to ask them what they will do when they’re divorced. When they say “it won’t happen” I say “never say never”. It apparently makes it clear how unreasonable they’re being.

Sorry to hear that huuu
We should swap friends
I have also been told I should be seeking out casual sex though. It's weird isn't it, the way people think it's fine to wade in with opinions either way just because you're single.

My own experience is that I am happier in a relationship with someone I love than on my own. I think most people feel this way, or I assume they do. I am also happier on my own than in a relationship with someone I do not love.

Thanks perfectpeony
Jacques that's a good answer. Might try that

Actual friends know me and know that I really tried the relationship stuff. It doesn't work for me. I make males feel emasculated because I don't really need them for anything, well, aside from sex. Guys generally want to take care of us, which I find suffocating.

New people or ones that barely know me I get that condescending head tilt. And quickly followed by oh I know, I will introduce you to x. Well no, don't I'm actually very happy with my lack of a committed relationship

But I don't need a relationship. I can easily get everything I want but without the commitment. I want the cuddles, they are available from another adult. I want intimacy, just a message away. I want someone to talk to, a call away. I have a couple of solid fuck buddies who provide everything required.