Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish people would stop insisting I should be trying to be in a couple

175 replies

dawnacorns · 04/11/2018 14:17

I'm a lp and have been for years. Pretty happy with how things stand after an abusive marriage, have found out what I enjoy, made new friends and travelled a bit. Also, I don't fancy a blended family tbh. Nothing wrong with it, just don't fancy the aggro of it.
One or two friends just keep on about meeting someone, why don't I, etc. I've said I'm fine as I am. If I happened one day to meet someone lovely then great. If not then I'm fine as I am. Yet it doesn't seem to be enough and every time I see them they are on about it. Or about single people being too picky, or other variations. Why don't they just stop it. Or AIBU

OP posts:
GalateaDunkel · 05/11/2018 16:01

Reading between the lines and coming to a wrong conclusion isn’t actually reading.

Yeah, but it isn't a wrong conclusion though is it ? You would rather have no father than a present father, which is why you prefer sperm donation over, you know, an actual man.

Bugsymalonemumof2 · 05/11/2018 16:05

I have been a single parent for two years. I genuinely do not want a partner. Maybe when the kids are much older but for now no chane

CoughLaughFart · 05/11/2018 19:35

You do have one - which is why you would NEVER want a relationship with a man and why you think that kids do not need fathers, evidenced by your preference for sperm donation over an actual real and involved father. You can say "I don't have a problem with men" all you like but people can read.

Yet another assumption. Not wanting a relationship with a man doesn’t equate to a problem with men. I don’t want children - does that mean I hate them? Or families without pets have a problem with cats and dogs?

GalateaDunkel · 05/11/2018 20:44

Not wanting a relationship with a man doesnt mean you hate men, but it probably indicates you like them less than someone who does want a relationshio with one. Like how having a dog as a pet probably indicates you like dogs more than someone who does not want a dog as a pet.

No problem with that.

I do however have a problem with people who do not want a relationship with a man, but do want children. To willfully deny a child even the chance to grow up with a dad because you dont really think dads are important and because you cannot stand the idea of a relationship with a man suggests to me a problem. And untold levels of selfishness.

Original poster
dawnacorns · 05/11/2018 20:50

I would say that is BS and I like men about the same amount as my married friends.

Also, you might love dogs but you can't have one because of your lifestyle/job/travel/allergy etc

Thinking children should not have a dad is utterly irrelevant, other than any fears men may have about becoming redundant I suppose. Most women who are lps didn't set out to be anyway.

OP posts:
VioletCharlotte · 05/11/2018 20:58

Dawn I get this all the time too! I'm a lone parent and have been for years. I've not had a relationship for 3 years, and honestly never been happier. My friends say things like "oh but, you're too lovely to be on your own". I just don't get what the big deal is about being with someone? I like my own space and my own company. I honestly can't see what being with a man could add to my life.

Original poster
dawnacorns · 05/11/2018 21:11

It's frustrating isn't it Violet - like people don't want to listen to your actual experience of the situation but insist no no you would be far happier in a couple. For me now my life is calm and peaceful and it feels nice to enjoy my own company.

OP posts:
confussssed · 05/11/2018 21:16

youre right i mean you're Friends are trying to be nice but ime being in a good relation is best then being single is second best being in a bad relationship is by far the worst

confussssed · 05/11/2018 21:21

Not wanting a relationship with a man doesnt mean you hate men, but it probably indicates you like them less than someone who does want a relationshio with one not true im hetrosexual but still like women most my Friends are female.

GalateaDunkel · 05/11/2018 21:51

I don't think that not wanting a relationship with a man necessarily indicates a problem with men. I do think that there is an element of double standards though as men who go about saying women are only good for shagging but no way would I want to live with one do not get "oh yeah I'm so with you man" type responses.

But, as already stated my issue is more with people that want kids but cannot stand the thought of a relationship with a man and as such they think that denying a child a father is absolutely fine. Not saying that is everyone on this thread by any means.

GalateaDunkel · 05/11/2018 21:56

Àlso if someone says I never want a relationship ever again then I automatically assume they have had a bad experience with relationships.

Original poster
dawnacorns · 05/11/2018 21:56

Do men even go about saying that though? Confused They probably would want to live with one anyway because the fact is they are more likely to benefit (wifework)
In any case who on the thread has said "men are only good for shagging" What nonsense.

OP posts:
ScottCheggJnr · 05/11/2018 21:56

I can understand people being happy single, but I've not met many who are overjoyed about being single in the same way a doting couple are.

Original poster
dawnacorns · 05/11/2018 21:58

But some people have had a bad experience with relationships? It's certainly a factor in my feeling happier not in one. Doesn't mean I dislike men though.

OP posts:
Original poster
dawnacorns · 05/11/2018 22:00

Scott how many doting couples have you met who are overjoyed about having a relationship? Perhaps I live in a parallel universe Confused

OP posts:
WhyDidIEatThat · 05/11/2018 22:00

Men aren’t only good for shagging, they can be funny and interesting to talk with too.

ScottCheggJnr · 05/11/2018 22:01

Well, agoraphobic people feel more comfortable never leaving the house, but I'd say in general that most people are happier if they're able to. It strikes me as a bit like that.

WhyDidIEatThat · 05/11/2018 22:02

Like a fear of intimacy?

ScottCheggJnr · 05/11/2018 22:03

Scotthow many doting couples have you met who areoverjoyedabout having a relationship? Perhaps I live in a parallel universe

Ever heard the phrase "starstruck lovers"? There really are people who feel that strongly about their partner.

ScottCheggJnr · 05/11/2018 22:04

Lol, that may not be the term I was looking for... 🤦🏻‍♀️

Original poster
dawnacorns · 05/11/2018 22:09

I'm fully aware that some very few couples could feel that way but it's hardly the norm is it.

Being single isn't comparable to being agoraphobic.
Leaving the house = largely a necessity
Having a relationship = not a necessity

These kind of stupid comments show the type of crap directed towards women who are genuinely happy to be single. Because of course that can't be a thing can it.

OP posts:
GalateaDunkel · 05/11/2018 22:10

Dawnacorns

Sure, men say that all the time. They usually cite the financial cost of getting entangled with a woman as not worth it. Hence they would be all for the commodified no strings type sex as that is all they really value.

Original poster
dawnacorns · 05/11/2018 22:12

Who's even criticising these imaginary men who say that ? Let them get on with it. Women can cope without their money.

OP posts:
VioletCharlotte · 05/11/2018 22:12

Dawn what I find really funny is that the friends who can't understand why I'm happy being single, are the same friends who do nothing but moan about their husbands 

IcedPurple · 05/11/2018 22:14

I can understand people being happy single, but I've not met many who are overjoyed about being single in the same way a doting couple are.

How long are 'doting couples' really 'doting' though? And what appear to be 'doting couples' on the outside may not be so 'doting' behind closed doors.

Anyway, I'm single and I can honestly say I am overjoyed about it. Relationships aren't that hard to find if you're prepared to compromise, and I'm not prepared to compromise. Every time I go home at the weekend and know I don't have to speak to anyone until Monday morning if I choose not to, every time I take a gander on the 'Relationships' board and see what a mess so many relationships are, every time I see my friends' boring partners and think they could have it so much better.... yeah I can say I really do like being single. Those 'doting couples' can dote away!

Swipe left for the next trending thread