To wish people would stop insisting I should be trying to be in a couple

[dawnacorns]

I'm a lp and have been for years. Pretty happy with how things stand after an abusive marriage, have found out what I enjoy, made new friends and travelled a bit. Also, I don't fancy a blended family tbh. Nothing wrong with it, just don't fancy the aggro of it.
One or two friends just keep on about meeting someone, why don't I, etc. I've said I'm fine as I am. If I happened one day to meet someone lovely then great. If not then I'm fine as I am. Yet it doesn't seem to be enough and every time I see them they are on about it. Or about single people being too picky, or other variations. Why don't they just stop it. Or AIBU

I must be odd then 😂

Just finished reading this and have seen Bella DePaulo speak. Ok, she bangs on a bit too much about how fantastic being single is for my liking but she has a point about how singles are looked down upon.

I wouldn't swap being single for compromising with my life any day soon....

Should read have no great interest in

Meeting someone requires effort, meeting no one requires none except turning people down if you get asked.

Casual sex is in my experience nothing like as good as with someone you find "all that"

Of course you acknowledge your experience is simply that and cannot be extrapolated out to anyone else.

Galatea it sounds like you have found the ideal partner for you, that you are sexually compatible and in love with.( I expect you met him by chance anyway rather than because friends nagged you about 'meeting someone') That is one end of the spectrum, the other being dreadful abusive relationships. In between there are all shades of meh.

Some people feel content or happier on their own. Which is fine too.

I hear yall. Long term single and recently ive given up sporadically 'looking' (internet dates every now and then) because ive realised i have it good. Not working hard to prevent a man going off me, not having to compromise, not having to go out when it's raining! 😂😄

Casual sex is in my experience nothing like as good as with someone you find "all that", besides you get to have to whenever you want pretty much assuming your partner has a sex drive, no need to try and arrange a time and place with someone you have great interest in.

Well yeah, but with casual sex, you don't have to wash their dirty underwear, fight over the remote control or argue about whose turn it is to empty the dishwasher. Not too shabby.

And if you manage to get a good 'FWB' arrangement sorted, you're sweet!

It's got nothing to do with being complete or any such cliches,I'm complete without my partner. But I'm happier with them than without.

That's great, good for you. But some people are happier leading their own lives without compromise, even if you find that impossible to understand.

Thanks for the book recommendation greasyfryup

YANBU. Single parent here, 4 and a half years down the line and still no desire for a relationship.

And to be honest the best sex I've had has been the fwb I've had during that time. Never gets boring, I see him on my terms and he fucks off the next day and I get the house back to myself.

When you get to 48 it is assumed you will be single forever so it stops soon :-/

@dawnacorns, got another for you 😉, I'm on a roll.

Yes, and the best bit is THERE ARE MEN OUT THERE THAT FEEL THE SAME WAY!

Thanks greasy that one looks good too

I like having sex quite a lot not a couple of times a month or whatever. Anyone I was seeing for sex two or three times a week is a significant investment and worth calling a relationship really.

I don't find it impossible to understand being alone, not do I judge people who are alone. I'm sure there are many many people who would be better being single than in the relationship they are in. But IME being in love and with the person you love is the best thing in the world. This is very common and informs all of the songs, poetry, writing etc about it - it's not some great conspiracy to trick people.

Anyone I was seeing for sex two or three times a week is a significant investment and worth calling a relationship really

For you.

But IME being in love and with the person you love is the best thing in the world

Great. Absolutely not my idea of the best thing in the world.

I don't find it impossible to understand being alone, not do I judge people who are alone.

Oh, pull the other one! You just said anyone who isn't into coupledom is 'odd'.

Oh, and just because you aren't in a conventional relationship, it doesn't mean you are 'alone'.

This is very common and informs all of the songs, poetry, writing etc about it - it's not some great conspiracy to trick people.

A lot of the songs and poetry are about broken hearts and getting dumped or cheated on, if that's your reasoning.

Well seeing the same person 3 times a week for sex is a significant investment of time for anyone, not just for me

What is the best thing in life if not love ? Jeez I'm cheesy - but what ?

Well seeing the same person 3 times a week for sex is a significant investment of time for anyone, not just for me

Where did I say it was the same person....?

What is the best thing in life if not love

My daughter. Happiness. Fulfilment. Security. The love of my family.

There are very many ways of experiencing love. There seems to be a common misconception that single people are dried out husks devoid of feeling.

What is the best thing in life if not love ? Jeez I'm cheesy - but what ?

MDMA. All the feelings of love but at a fraction of the price, a half life of three hours and none of the angst and heartbreak.

I jest. But there are loads of kinds of love and none of them have to be mutually inclusive with being one half of a couple. There are also lots of other great things which inspire and encourage and make life dreamy.

MDMA

I would say loads of things in life are better than 'love' - self fulfilment, making a real difference to society, the feeling of complete and utter peace, for some people it will be spirituality ... I could go on.

Being in 'love' as a teenager might be great but there are far better states of 'being' - for me anyway - and yes, I am in a relationship (30 years ) but it's not the most fulfilling aspect of my life !

The happiest people I know are those who have chosen to remain single.

Love is amazing but that can include love for children, friends, relatives, pets, your fellow humans, love of nature, art, music. Romantic love is just one 'branch'
I have tried to really review this honestly but looking at relationships around me, irl, that tend to be quite established ones, they don't really remind me of romantic songs or poems tbh.

The floaty and dream like in love state does not last forever, but my life is enriched by my partner. I am loyal to them and vice versa. I see this in my own parents and my grandparents who were intensely loyal to each other and their family. They were my models for relationship and lived long and happy lives. You only get back what you put in with people.

Well that's great for you galatea but it's not everybody's experience. I put in a lot with my exh but he rewarded me by shitting on me from a great height. I certainly did not get back what I put in, quite the opposite really.
Your life is enriched by your partner. My life is enriched by other things.

Galatea, do you realise you've come on to a thread of posters saying how bloody annoying it is when people don't stop going on about how everyone should be coupled up and done exactly that? It is patronising and supremely arrogant to assume that what makes you happy would be the same for everyone. For some of us, that just isn't true.