to not put the heating on for this?!

[jiroej]

I feel the cold, and we have had the heating on a few times on chilly evenings this year. However, we live in a well insulated flat, and it's still relatively mild in the south east.

I haven't put the timer on for the mornings yet as a) it's not that cold and b) we get up, get dressed, and go to work for 10 hours, so I feel it's a waste of money to heat up the place just to quickly leave. Once we start getting frosts though, we will put it on.

However, DP now wants to put the heating on for an hour every morning from now on, whatever the temperature, for one reason: to heat up his work shirt before putting it on. It's causing a lot of arguments, as he thinks it's worth paying for, whereas I think it's a pathetic and ridiculous reason to put the heating on before it's actually cold enough to.

He thinks I am BU, but I don't find it cold enough in the mornings to put the heating on and put our bills up. AIBU to keep pushing back and saying no? I know it's a sillt issue as the heating will be on in the mornings anyway in a few weeks, but right now it's an issue and I don't know if I'm being unfair or not?

YANBU

A grown adult wanting to put the heating on for 5 hours a week to warm a SHIRT is pathetic and incredibly wasteful.

I’m ALL for a comfortable environment and not a fan of ‘just put on 8 layers and you’ll be fine’ but putting on the heating to warm a shirt? Nope.

Some of the comparisons here are laughable. Comparing being refused food and having the heating on to warm a shirt. 🙄

I only say this because I know some people who take an odd pride in not putting their heating on

Yes, some people seem to equate heating with some sort of moral failing. Even more infuriating when they try to make out they're saving the planet despite living in a draughty Victorian and having twice the energy usage we do.

I only put the heating on in the morning at weekends. Its not worth it during the week because we just get ready and go. It's not just the cost of the gas bill but also the wear and tear on the boiler that worries me.

Putting all the heating on just to warm a shirt if the rest of the house is genuinely warm seems a bit wasteful

I totally agree

And that makes me think that the house can't be genuinely warm because if it was, the shirt wouldn't be so cold.

I think a few people are missing this point.

Ours it set to come on if below 22. I can also remotely boost it if it feels to cold to get out of bed. He lives there too op stop being so controlling

Witchesbritches I don't think it is about the shirt. OP talks about how 'I' don't think it is cold enough and how 'I' think it's a waste of money to put it on in the morning. Nothing to suggest 'we'.

I am in the south and it's been very cold in the mornings, requiring car window scraping of ice.

I think he is just cold and wants an excuse to get the heating on in the morning.

And no one knows how other people are 'feeling'. I hate it when someone says 'well I am not cold'. So what if they don't feel cold, they are not me and don't know how bloody cold I feel.

Our heating has been on mornings and evenings for weeks!!! I don’t like being cold and I don’t understand why people are so proud of keeping their homes cold (and damp IMO).

'Warming the shirt' is just a distraction. It's obviously not about that.

I'm always hot, windows open etc., but when my sister or DDs come to my house they find it freezing, so I close windows and put the heating on. Everyone feels the cold differently.

Op’s husband, YANBU!!!!

Yes of course the heating shouldn’t go use for a shirt for heavens sake. This is probably just one thing that has been said during one of the many arguments on the subject with the OP who doesn’t think heating should go on because she doesn’t think it is cold enough.

I have never considered the temperature of my clothes as I put them on, if he does well it must be because he is cold!

And I agree with the poster that likened it to the food situation. Food is another basic need, it is like her refusing to let him eat because she is not hungry!

OP YABU to expect your DP to feel uncomfortable in his own house.

My DP and I have respect for each other and opperate a living environment where it’s the person it makes a different to who gets the choice.

For example - I feel the cold and DP doesn’t, he doesn’t care if it’s freezing or warm so I get to decide when the heating is on- no questions asked.
DP despises taking baths- I’m happy with bath or shower- only has room for one when we re did the bathroom so we got a shower- no questions

The smell of tuna/ fish makes my stomach turn - DP likes fish an average amount but happily eats other stuff- so he never ever buys or eats it here.

It’s a nice way to live, we’re both happy and comfortable and very very rarely fall out over anything

It’s bloody cold here in the morning, I hate getting up at the best of times but even more when it’s cold!

@OrdinarySnowflake several have.

Meh, I'd put it on for an hour in the morning for him. Even half an hour would do the trick.

Otherwise can be chuck it in the dryer for 5mins? It wouldn't shrink, just get warm.

Failing all that just give him a hair dryer to heat it up 😂😂

And I agree with the poster that likened it to the food situation. Food is another basic need, it is like her refusing to let him eat because she is not hungry!

No it’s not. It’s really, really not.

If he wants a warm shirt to put on in the morning he can give it a blast with a hairdryer first.

I never put my heating on in the morning and I get up at 6am. The heating isn't on after 9pm either.

Those that are saying the OP is right. Are you really saying if you were cold you would be happy for your partner to say you couldn't turn the heating on until they said so?

Big difference to being cold and warming a shirt

GreenTulips that's because I think the OP has worded it that it's just the shirt so they get the replies that are after.

If I got up in my house in the past few weeks with no heating and I put a shirt on that felt 'cold' that would mean it was very cold in the house generally.

Put the bloody heating on so he can be comfortable. Being mean with money is such a horrible trait, and is pathetic and ridiculous.

Unless you are terribly strapped for cash then YABU.

BatsAreCool (yes they are, smelly little buggers though)

The OP said

“DP now wants to put the heating on for an hour every morning from now on, whatever the temperature, for one reason: to heat up his work shirt before putting it on. It's causing a lot of arguments, as he thinks it's worth paying for, whereas I think it's a pathetic and ridiculous reason to put the heating on before it's actually cold enough to.

It seems pretty clear it IS about the shirt. This argument at least. HE thinks it’s worth putting the heat on to warm a shirt. She doesn’t. I’m with her.

IF he was to say ‘Let’s put it on thermostat for when it drops to x’, then I’d understand, but every day because he wants his shirt warmed?! It’s ridiculous.

Lots of couple agree on when & how long the heat is on for because for a lot of people it’s a big expense and they try to keep the bill down. It’s not necessarily ‘controlling’.

I’m thankful that I’m able to put the heating on when I like, for how long I like, without any justification, but I don’t put it on if I’m going out shortly or to warm an item of clothing.

Never mind the heating - what an absolute joyless relationship where such a smaller sacrifice for your partner is such a massive issue leading to multiple arguments. The heating is the least of your worries imo.