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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not put the heating on for this?!

327 replies

jiroej · 04/11/2018 09:54

I feel the cold, and we have had the heating on a few times on chilly evenings this year. However, we live in a well insulated flat, and it's still relatively mild in the south east.

I haven't put the timer on for the mornings yet as a) it's not that cold and b) we get up, get dressed, and go to work for 10 hours, so I feel it's a waste of money to heat up the place just to quickly leave. Once we start getting frosts though, we will put it on.

However, DP now wants to put the heating on for an hour every morning from now on, whatever the temperature, for one reason: to heat up his work shirt before putting it on. It's causing a lot of arguments, as he thinks it's worth paying for, whereas I think it's a pathetic and ridiculous reason to put the heating on before it's actually cold enough to.

He thinks I am BU, but I don't find it cold enough in the mornings to put the heating on and put our bills up. AIBU to keep pushing back and saying no? I know it's a sillt issue as the heating will be on in the mornings anyway in a few weeks, but right now it's an issue and I don't know if I'm being unfair or not?

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 05/11/2018 23:56

Always warm plates - 2 minutes in the microwave does it!

Like previous poster- I recall ice inside windows as a child - so my house is warm (fortunately south facing and seriously well insulated), but if central heating is needed it goes on and wood burner will be lit if temperatures drop. Cannot imagine enjoying my home if it was cold.

kateandme · 06/11/2018 01:52

run an iron over the shirt.ive done that with knickers on cold days to warm them up!

kateandme · 06/11/2018 01:54

warm plates are lovely.they remind me of my grandpa though so that might be it.and a little luxury because its done at posh places.so that could add to the loveliness rather than how it effect the food.

halfwitpicker · 06/11/2018 02:02

Dunno, I'd just stick it on for an hour.

selepele · 06/11/2018 04:40

you're being tight. He works for the heating

Boulty · 06/11/2018 09:22

How would you feel if it was the other way around and he told you that you couldn't put the heating on each morning for an hour? He goes to work so I assume he contributes to the bills?

svalentine60 · 06/11/2018 09:27

YABU and selfish. It's not just about you or at least it shouldn't be. If he is cold in the mornings and I presume earning money if he is going out to work then he is entitled to have the heating on for an hour before he gets up especially as i presume he is paying towards tht heating. Nothing worse than being freezing cold when trying to get ready for work. I'm more concerned as to why you are controlling another adult in this way. He should put it on regardless of what you say. You might not be cold but he is.

MorrisZapp · 06/11/2018 09:27

Heating on in the morning? What a shower of utter jessies. I live in Edinburgh and we only put the heating on in the morning if it's absolutely bloody freezing.

If the heatings on I can't wake up or get up anyway! It makes me so, so drowsy.

halcyondays · 06/11/2018 09:42

Most people like to have the heating on in the morning so it's nice and warm when they get up, don't they?

Miscible · 06/11/2018 11:11

People seem to be getting confused between the issue of putting the heating on because it's cold, and putting it on because one person wants a warm shirt. Option A - fine. Option B - ridiculous.

tiggerkid · 06/11/2018 11:27

Relationships are about compromise lots of the time - agree and in their relationship, it seems, neither is willing to compromise.

People seem to be getting confused between the issue of putting the heating on because it's cold, and putting it on because one person wants a warm shirt. Option A - fine. Option B - ridiculous.

I don't think anyone is confused about this. And I don't agree that option B is ridiculous. Well, maybe for you it is and that is, of course, up to you. However the man is in his house, where he should be able to use any available facilities as he sees fit. However he is not able to and all argument is because of few pounds per month for an hour's worth of heating! And it's not forever as the OP said the heating will be on in few weeks anyway. So whatever extra cost we are talking about here is literally few quid. That is definitely ridiculous unless their finances are so dire that they are literally choosing between food and heat!

ChristmasFluff · 06/11/2018 11:44

But what sort of shirt takes an hour to heat up? My entire house only takes 20 mins in the current temperatures, so that's what we do, morning and evening - just takes the chill off, sort of 'airs' the house. And would certainly warm his shirt.

Ated · 06/11/2018 12:00

To put a boiler on for a single shirt is pathetic. Depending on the size of the boiler, the fuel used, the number of radiators and the cubic footage of air to warm The lower the temperature and the more air to heat governs the time to warm a room. A cold shirt on a warm body will be comfortable in seconds. If you have an airing cupboard or hot water cylinder, hang the shirt or partner in it overnight near that. The hair dryer is sensible or install a 3 or 6 kW air to air heat pump for instant cheap warmth.

Miscible · 06/11/2018 14:06

tiggerkid, it really is ridiculous to heat the whole flat when it would otherwise be unnecessary, simply for the sake of a few seconds' worth of warmth when putting a shirt on. Why on earth would you insist on that when it would be so easy to deal with the same issue by putting the shirt on a free standing oil radiator or airer, or just giving it a quick blast with a hairdryer?

3luckystars · 06/11/2018 14:11

My parents house is so freezing. It's colder inside their house than outside. I don't even know how this is possible but it actually is!

Now that i have my own house, I turn the heating on every day and if anyone tried to stop me I would think them cruel.

tiggerkid · 06/11/2018 14:24

Why on earth would you insist on that when it would be so easy to deal with the same issue by putting the shirt on a free standing oil radiator or airer, or just giving it a quick blast with a hairdryer?

Firstly, why does the whole flat need to be heated when you can just put on one radiator and turn off others? Secondly, who said I insist on it? I am merely answering the original question which was about an hour's worth of heating when the heating will be on in few weeks anyway. Finally, I am personally all for exploring the alternative solutions but, frankly, the OP wasn't looking for any. Seeing as she is not willing to spend just few quid on extra heating, I doubt she'd be ecstatic about using electricity for the hair dryer, electric airer or a freestanding radiator too as this would also result in few quid's worth of electricity.

She simply thinks her other half's wish to warm up the shirt is ridiculous because she isn't cold and that's that. The partner is similarly uncompromising by keeping the windows open at night when she is cold. They very much mutually suit each other.

tiggerkid · 06/11/2018 14:27

My parents house is so freezing. It's colder inside their house than outside. I don't even know how this is possible but it actually is!

Sounds like my MIL's house. I was always freezing when I visited her during any colder months and often felt it was warmer outside. I am sure it probably wasn't but that's how I felt.

lazymare · 06/11/2018 14:29

Surely it would only take a minute to heat up a shirt, not an hour.

tiggerkid · 06/11/2018 14:38

Surely it would only take a minute to heat up a shirt, not an hour.

Personally, I think he feels cold in the mornings when getting out of bed and wants the flat to be warm. It seems like they had many chats about heating and the OP always disagreed with the idea of putting the heating on as she isn't cold. So now I think he is using his shirt as an excuse to put the heating on. I might be wrong but that's how it feels.

In any case, like I said, where there is a will to find a mutually agreeable solution, there is always a way but, it seems, they prefer to lock horns.

Miscible · 06/11/2018 17:53

tiggerkid, when I said "Why would you insist on that" I meant a generic "you" rather than you personally. Yes, one way to deal with it would be to have just one radiator coming on, but there's no indication that that is what OP's partner wants to do - and it would be an awful lot of faff turning them on and off every evening. So far as costs are concerned, clearly it's cheaper to put a small oil-filled radiator on for half an hour, or a hairdryer for five minutes, than to heat an entire flat for an hour.

StoneofDestiny · 06/11/2018 17:57

MorrisZapp
......respect! No heating on in a winters morning in Edinburgh. Man - it's Baltic there....❄️❄️❄️

tiggerkid · 06/11/2018 19:03

Yes, one way to deal with it would be to have just one radiator coming on, but there's no indication that that is what OP's partner wants to do - there is no indication he doesn't want to do that either.

So far as costs are concerned, clearly it's cheaper to put a small oil-filled radiator on for half an hour, or a hairdryer for five minutes, than to heat an entire flat for an hour. - like I said, I am not under the impression the OP is looking for a mutually acceptable solution. Neither is her DP. Otherwise they would've found one by now. One doesn't want to spend any money to warm us a shirt because she thinks it's ridiculous and the other insists on doing his thing his way because his mum used to do it and persists in opening windows at night despite the fact that she is cold. Clearly more things to consider here than just heating.

PurpleNovember · 06/11/2018 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lethaldrizzle · 06/11/2018 21:51

If you were my partner i'd ignore your 'orders'. If I want the heating on I put it on. Same for my partner.

HeronLanyon · 06/11/2018 22:12

Personally I think to heat a shirt is a ludicrous reason to turn a whole flat’s heating on BUT surely he can do as he pleases - he lives there - he pays bills too ? - let him be ludicrous.

I donsympathise - In my household some of the most heated (ha) stubborn arguments used to be about heating (hours and temperatures and how thermostats work) until we both just got tired of it and each compromised.