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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not put the heating on for this?!

327 replies

jiroej · 04/11/2018 09:54

I feel the cold, and we have had the heating on a few times on chilly evenings this year. However, we live in a well insulated flat, and it's still relatively mild in the south east.

I haven't put the timer on for the mornings yet as a) it's not that cold and b) we get up, get dressed, and go to work for 10 hours, so I feel it's a waste of money to heat up the place just to quickly leave. Once we start getting frosts though, we will put it on.

However, DP now wants to put the heating on for an hour every morning from now on, whatever the temperature, for one reason: to heat up his work shirt before putting it on. It's causing a lot of arguments, as he thinks it's worth paying for, whereas I think it's a pathetic and ridiculous reason to put the heating on before it's actually cold enough to.

He thinks I am BU, but I don't find it cold enough in the mornings to put the heating on and put our bills up. AIBU to keep pushing back and saying no? I know it's a sillt issue as the heating will be on in the mornings anyway in a few weeks, but right now it's an issue and I don't know if I'm being unfair or not?

OP posts:
Witchesbritches · 04/11/2018 13:18

Still. All a bit pointless as the OP hasn’t been back.

placemats · 04/11/2018 13:20

How would he survive if there was a loss of electricity? He is being precious and he knows it. Tell him to pay the extra on the bill.

Mishappening · 04/11/2018 13:20

Would it harm you in any way? Let the poor man warm his shirt!

SoyDora · 04/11/2018 13:22

I’m constantly amazed at the amount of thought and angst people can put into such a minor issue.
Seriously OP is this worth arguments about? Really? Or have you got better things to do with your time?

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 04/11/2018 13:24

If DH told me I wasn't allowed to put the heating on I'd do it anyway just to annoy him.

We live in the south east and although the heating hasn't been on in the morning it's been on in the evening for months but I'm sure it'll be going on in the mornings pretty soon. Then again I don't live in a well insulated flat, I live in a badly insulated ice box!

Alfie190 · 04/11/2018 13:28

@Witchesbritches

It is, it really is.

He is cold but cannot put heating on until she feels cold. He is hungry, he can’t eat until she is hungry. Why is that not comparable? Two basic needs he cannot satisfy unless she needs it too or allows him apparently.

m0therofdragons · 04/11/2018 13:30

Oh wow, no way would I spend an hour every morning in a cold house because Dh wants to save a few pennies. So controlling! I am regularly stunned by other people's relationships on mn. Our conversation would be:

Dh: "I'm not fussed about having the heating on in the morning."
Me: 
Dh: "okay, let's put it on so it's warm to get up."

m0therofdragons · 04/11/2018 13:31

Ooh my emoji disappeared. You get the idea anyway

ileclerc · 04/11/2018 13:32

Yabvvvu

I will not be cold in my home, and I wouldn't be dictated to either.

WorraLiberty · 04/11/2018 13:44

I agree 100% that it's exactly like the food situation Alfie

'I'm not hungry, so you mustn't eat either.'

DrCoconut · 04/11/2018 13:46

Unless you genuinely can't afford it there is no need to be mean about heating. Yes people managed without in the past but I bet there were more illnesses due to cold and damp. Yes you could put on multiple jumpers and hats and socks but why when you don't need to? I'm not suggesting we all run our homes at 25 degrees 24/7 but an hours heating in the morning to take the chill off is perfectly reasonable. I hate feeling cold and it's better to have nice warm clothes to put on. It's been really cold here, I've scraped ice off my car two mornings last week.

whatsthestory123 · 04/11/2018 13:50

im the south and my morning heating has been on for a month and will be on till May

theres only me and my son now and he dosent feel it but its bad enough getting up in the winter let alone if its cold damp to

and if its raining it feels cold and damp even if the temp is mild

Topseyt · 04/11/2018 13:50

You are far too controlling. It is his home too, presumably. Presumably he also pays towards the bills.

He is talking about an hour in the morning. It probably isn't just about the shirt. It is about feeling comfortable in your own home.

If my DH tried to dictate to me as you are trying to dictate to your DH then I would pay him no attention at all. We both work hard and both deserve to be comfortable.

Be careful that you aren't coming across as a tightwad with money. It isn't an attractive quality.

Topseyt · 04/11/2018 13:52

I am in the south east too. I have had to de-ice my car two or three mornings this week.

Bluelady · 04/11/2018 13:57

I don't know why you're even arguing. In this house whoever feels the cold most decides when the heating is on.

SauvignonBlanche · 04/11/2018 13:58

Thanks for reminding me that I need to get de-icer @Topseyt Grin

Woooman · 04/11/2018 14:01

I live in the south east and it's really cold in our house in the mornings. Congratulations...you don't feel the cold. However, your dh is feeling it and would like the heating on in the morning. Who cares what the reason is for. He wants it on, he contributes to the bills. Who are you to control the heating? Just put it on timer for an hour before you get up.

HazelBite · 04/11/2018 14:02

He needs a warm shirt as he is obviously cold.
Sorry but this is really a non issue, he wouldn't be cold if the flat was warm when he woke up.

Sundayblues13 · 04/11/2018 14:04

What a twat , if this is your biggest issue you need a reality check

RibbonAurora · 04/11/2018 14:06

I'm with your DH. I hate going into a cold bathroom in the mornings and, after warming up in the shower, getting blasted with cold air as I'm drying myself and putting still chilled clothes on. It's an hour, neither here nor there in the scheme of things and he lives there too. If it bothers you that much, compromise a little, turn all the radiators off except the one in the bathroom so that's one room at least at a comfortable temperature first thing.

DitheringBlidiot · 04/11/2018 14:08

We don’t have radiators in our house, just weird vents in the wall. You can dry towels without a radiator, just get a rail. Realise I’m missing the point of the thread.

Vixxxy · 04/11/2018 14:20

If it was you feeling the cold on a morning and wanting the heating on, and him refusing, what would you think?

An hour of heating costs very little. Ours is on near 24/7 as I cannot leave the house due to disability and I feel the cold a lot. And our bill is still only 200 quid per quarter. Usually 300 for over xmas though, as its totally bitter and we have to turn it up more.

whatsthestory123 · 04/11/2018 14:36

unless its about cost YABU

YeahCorvid · 04/11/2018 14:44

I have literally no idea what it costs to heat the whole house for an hour a morning. OP, do you know?
Do you have luxuries to equivalent value daily? wine, posh chocolate, a movie a day, whatever it costs?
Does anyone know what it would cost to blast a shirt for 2 minutes with a fan heater and would it be a lot less? (I assume so)

It all depends, doesn't it. I think it's legit to manage luxuries mindfully and fairly. that's what's always said on here about free time, isn't it (or used to be - maybe it's all changed now the handmaidens are taking over) - parents should get equal free time, whether or not they both WOH or if one SAH.

The societal status quo is what men ask for they get; women get what's left over. If the OP is challenging him having a luxury that denies her an equivalent luxury or financial peace of mind, then I support her

Starlight345 · 04/11/2018 14:48

Yabu .

Getting out of bed into a cold house is the worst.

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