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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not put the heating on for this?!

327 replies

jiroej · 04/11/2018 09:54

I feel the cold, and we have had the heating on a few times on chilly evenings this year. However, we live in a well insulated flat, and it's still relatively mild in the south east.

I haven't put the timer on for the mornings yet as a) it's not that cold and b) we get up, get dressed, and go to work for 10 hours, so I feel it's a waste of money to heat up the place just to quickly leave. Once we start getting frosts though, we will put it on.

However, DP now wants to put the heating on for an hour every morning from now on, whatever the temperature, for one reason: to heat up his work shirt before putting it on. It's causing a lot of arguments, as he thinks it's worth paying for, whereas I think it's a pathetic and ridiculous reason to put the heating on before it's actually cold enough to.

He thinks I am BU, but I don't find it cold enough in the mornings to put the heating on and put our bills up. AIBU to keep pushing back and saying no? I know it's a sillt issue as the heating will be on in the mornings anyway in a few weeks, but right now it's an issue and I don't know if I'm being unfair or not?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 04/11/2018 11:13

You might not think your flat is cold enough in the mornings, but he clearly does.

If it was warm enough, his shirt wouldn't be cold would it?

Compromise and stick it on for half an hour, just like you would if there was frost outside.

Fromage · 04/11/2018 11:16

Could you throw him in the tumble dryer for a couple of minutes?

Grin
cariadlet · 04/11/2018 11:17

I'm also in the south-east and we haven't had the heating on in the mornings yet. I think your dp is being a pathetic wuss.

But if he's wet enough to need the heat on in the mornings then I think it's unreasonable and controlling of you to say no.

justilou1 · 04/11/2018 11:18

Tell him to iron it, the poor wee lamb.

junebirthdaygirl · 04/11/2018 11:20

I love to throw a top in the tumbledryer for a few minutes on a winters morning.
In our house where heating kicks in at 18 degrees
No more a luxury than buying lipstick or nail varnish. Just all things to make our lives nice.
Maybe his dm warmed his clothes at the Aga every morning!!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 04/11/2018 11:20

Ah poor diddums sounds a bit frail, god love him. But doesn't he know that a warm shirt will melt snowflakes?

Very controlling language - potentially bordering on gaslighting.

BatsAreCool · 04/11/2018 11:26

Can you imagine OP if he controlled your food and refused to give you more 'because he wasn't hungry'? And for all those people saying he is a snowflake would that be similar?

I think the shirt isn't the real issue but that he is trying to find something concrete to persuade you rather than saying he is cold and is miserable getting up in a cold house.

Willow2017 · 04/11/2018 11:26

I have heating on for an hour in morning as i hate being cold when i get up. (And some days its been freezing here) and when it is cold theres nothing nicer than putting on warm clothes off the radiator😀

But i wouldnt put it on for an hour if it wasnt cold just to warm up a shirt, thats mad.

Can you compromise and turn off all the radiators except one for his shirt and put timer on for 15 mins in morning?

We just moved house and I cant put anything on my tiny bathroom radiator as its fixed right flush with wall. Wtf the HA think about i dont know. Still looking for a rail i can use above it that will let me open the door too! Miss my hot towels after a shower. 😐

Branleuse · 04/11/2018 11:27

surely if he wants to put the heating on for an hour in his own house he can?

Loonoon · 04/11/2018 11:29

This seems odd to me. Our CH is on a timer 365 days of the year. The thermostat is set to 18 degrees. If it’s warmer than that then the heat doesn’t kick in, just the hot water. If it’s colder than 18 degrees in the house the heat kicks in too and the radiators warm up. So there’s no need for moral judgements or debates - it’s purely based on ambient temps.

I think OP is missing the point here. Her DH is cold enough in the mornings to not want to put a cold shirt on. And if an adult living in the house is cold then surely the heat should be on.

I also live in the south east, in a new build property with very efficient insulation and heating and it has been very cold in the early mornings for the last few days. I would be very annoyed if my DH was telling me I couldn’t be warm.

Juells · 04/11/2018 11:30

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Very controlling language - potentially bordering on gaslighting.

I so agree. This thread is about someone who has to ask to put the heating on for an hour in the morning - and is refused!

Control control control

MaisyPops · 04/11/2018 11:31

I'd be pissed off if DH told me I couldn't put the heating on in November.

I wonder if sone people have some weird heating competition with themselves about who can be as stingy with putting it on? E.g. I can't believe people put it on durinf a winter morning! I have my windows open from 630 every morning unless it's below freezing. Heating doesn't go on until there is snow on the ground. Until then snowflakes can put a big jumper on.
(I only say this because I know some people who take an odd pride in not putting their heating on)

RB68 · 04/11/2018 11:31

I would put on for half an hr as well, partly as it will help reduce any condensation and dampness in the air. Alternatively suggest he irons his shirts in the am and then it will be toasty

GoatYoga · 04/11/2018 11:33

Thermostat set to 22 here - I am miserable if I'm cold and there is no way while I can afford it that I will be cold and miserable in my own home.

RB68 · 04/11/2018 11:37

Sometimes it is about keeping bills in control - my hubby would have heating on 24/7 mostly as he is a lazy arse and sits around too much. We have a poorly insulated house (not possible with out spending reams of money as single skin brick construction etc) and it does get chilly - but we have it on for an hr am an hr lunch timish and then from around 7pm however if it drops below 17 in the house it will kick in in between times. It is not pennies to have the heating on every day day in day out, esp as ours is lpg. Having said all that he is the first to moan if the bills are higher than normal so he can't have it both ways.

Fromage · 04/11/2018 11:38

I might have misread - but I though the only reason the dh wants the heating on is to warm his shirt?

I mean, if he's cold, fair enough. But that isn't what has been said, I think.

And presuming the OP pays her share of the bills, and maybe we should stop to consider the environment for nanosecond, I think it's fair enough to say that heating an entire flat just for the sake of one warm shirt, is overkill. Unless the warmed shirt makes a financial contribution of its own.

And before someone jumps in and says that one flat with the heating on for an hour in the morning before the weather turns really bad, isn't going to reverse global warming: I am aware of this, but every little helps. I doubt my recycling paper is going to save the planet, but if we all do it, helps a bit, right?

WorraLiberty · 04/11/2018 11:42

I'm also in the south-east and we haven't had the heating on in the mornings yet. I think your dp is being a pathetic wuss.

Fucking hell.

Someone being cold makes them a 'pathetic wuss', really?

You do realise all houses/flats are different and that people feel the cold more than others?

Inertia · 04/11/2018 11:45

Putting all the heating on just to warm a shirt if the rest of the house is genuinely warm seems a bit wasteful . However, you’re not the boss of central heating, and if it’s cold in the evening it’s sure to be cold in the morning. It’s hard enough to get up early and go to work on these cold, dark mornings- just put the heating on for an hour.

If you’re genuinely worried about the cost/waste, then maybe you could cut an hour from your evening heating times and wear more jumpers?

astoundedgoat · 04/11/2018 11:46

I would be speechless if my husband was trying to have numerous arguments about putting on the heating in our home while I was getting ready to go out to my (paid, therefore contributing) job in the morning.

Back off, OP. Don't make it a precedent in your own home that your husband had to ask permission before using household appliances.

LoniceraJaponica · 04/11/2018 11:47

So now we have the annual mumsnet who can tolerate the cold the most Hmm

If all he wants is a warm shirt a hairdryer will do the job.
If he doesn't want to get up in a cold flat then the heating goes on. Stop being so stingy and controlling.

HoustonBess · 04/11/2018 11:47

Yeah that's a bit pathetic. Can you put a hot water bottle in it, or iron it, or put it on an electric blanket or something? Does he just not like the chill on his nip nops? How about a nice vest underneath?

ushuaiamonamour · 04/11/2018 11:47

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll, Juella 'Controlling'? 'Gaslighting'? Are you two serious? Was this chap your first English teacher: www.fecundity.com/pmagnus/humpty.html? Is (admittedly heavy-handed) sarcasm the new abuse? So many questions.

OliviaStabler · 04/11/2018 11:50

If it is really cold then the heating goes on for 15 minutes when I wake up to take the edge off before I go to work. Would that work?

SingaporeSlinky · 04/11/2018 11:51

Life’s too short. It’s nice to get out of bed in the morning to an already warm house. Have the timer come on 15 mins before the alarm goes off, and for a total of 30 mins as a compromise. Assuming cost isn’t an issue, why not be comfortable.

Jaxhog · 04/11/2018 11:52

You may not think it's necessary but he does. If it was the other way around I wouldn't be happy with DH telling me I couldn't put the heating on.
This. And

Who made you the radiator police, OP?