Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not put the heating on for this?!

327 replies

jiroej · 04/11/2018 09:54

I feel the cold, and we have had the heating on a few times on chilly evenings this year. However, we live in a well insulated flat, and it's still relatively mild in the south east.

I haven't put the timer on for the mornings yet as a) it's not that cold and b) we get up, get dressed, and go to work for 10 hours, so I feel it's a waste of money to heat up the place just to quickly leave. Once we start getting frosts though, we will put it on.

However, DP now wants to put the heating on for an hour every morning from now on, whatever the temperature, for one reason: to heat up his work shirt before putting it on. It's causing a lot of arguments, as he thinks it's worth paying for, whereas I think it's a pathetic and ridiculous reason to put the heating on before it's actually cold enough to.

He thinks I am BU, but I don't find it cold enough in the mornings to put the heating on and put our bills up. AIBU to keep pushing back and saying no? I know it's a sillt issue as the heating will be on in the mornings anyway in a few weeks, but right now it's an issue and I don't know if I'm being unfair or not?

OP posts:
huggybear · 05/11/2018 19:50

Thanks @TC07. I do get a statement but it just says something like you will get X a year if continue to pay until 65 or whatever the age is. It's rubbish whatever way I look at it!

Cockadoodledooo · 05/11/2018 19:58

Can he not iron his shirt immediately before he wears it?
Is this only a workday issue or weekends too?

EdisonLightBulb · 05/11/2018 19:59

I'm with you OP, DH would be with your OH. I spend the entire winter switching off the heating whilst being busy in a jumper and sheepskin slippers and menopausal sweat whilst DH spends his in a tee shirt and shorts sitting on his arse watching football with the CH and fire on full blast and hiding the remote thermometer from me.

GinghamStyle · 05/11/2018 19:59

When DS stays at my mum’s, he loves that she puts his clothes on the radiator to warm them up before he puts them on. She has her heating set to a thermostat and her house is always toastie. No way on earth you’d put the heating on for the whole house/flat just to warm up a shirt!

toxic44 · 05/11/2018 20:03

This is the man you have chosen to spend your life with because you love him so much? And you begrudge him a warm shirt and an hour's heating in his own home?

lindsaydoll82 · 05/11/2018 20:07

Yeah I was going to say what cockadoodle just posted and does the shirt not need ironed again anyway after being taken off the radiator? It must be creased again surely.

Rachelover40 · 05/11/2018 20:16

It's definitely cold first thing in the morning and the heating needs to be on. My husband gets up early and mentioned it a while back. Why are you worrying, presumably your husband pays a share of the bills. There's no point in freezing when you have heating, we don't live in the dark ages.

Kalgy · 05/11/2018 20:21

Really, you’re arguing over one hour of heating! Life is just too short. Give your husband a big kiss and ask him to give you a big cuddle when he puts on his lovely warmed up shirt on.

We all do silly things that irritate our partners, learn to live with them and in time you’ll probably laugh at the them ...... together.

roundaboutthetown · 05/11/2018 20:25

I expect it's his way of saying he's bloody freezing in the morning and wants the heating on. The shirt's a red herring - except that he either wants to be genuinely warm or needs his shirt to warm him up. Presumably, the heating needs to be on for less long just to warm his shirt than it does to warm his frozen body up, so he is asking for the former because he knows your miserly ways! Grin

sunshine11 · 05/11/2018 20:26

Jeez. I've had the heating on for 4 hours a day for the last month. Stop being so tight!

Quartz2208 · 05/11/2018 20:34

Having read your responses does he always overrule your needs for his - so this is simply what you are pushing back on

RockYourSocksOff · 05/11/2018 20:38

I’ve not read all of the thread but I’m with you OP! Dp wouldn’t want the heating on to warm his work shirt but on the other hand, he likes to warm plates up, especially if he’s popped out for a takeaway!

Off topic I know but still annoys me!

RockYourSocksOff · 05/11/2018 20:39

Meaning he wants me to pop the grill/oven up to warm said plates!

Sara107 · 05/11/2018 20:59

I hate putting the heating on unless we really need it too! How about a compromise where it just kicks on for 20 mins before you get up? Take the chill off the air and he can have a toasty shirt (and shower towel) but you won’t be spending loads on heating the place up.

ineedtocalm · 05/11/2018 21:14

I can’t believe how some of you are talking to the OP about how she must be completely controlling etc. Relationships are about compromise lots of the time, and this situation I would have said exactly the same. Do all you people saying how horrible she is, never say no to anything? Makes me wonder what your children are like if you say yes to everything they want 🙈

OP, YANBU. If, as you’ve said, the only reason that your partner wants this is because his mum wants to do it, then he could agree to have the heater on for maybe just 10/15 mins, or perhaps just put another layer on.
Maybe his mum used to make him packed lunch and clean the bathroom after him every time... doesn’t mean he needs it doing for him now does it?!

I’m sure some of you will say I am alway ‘controling’ and needing to review my relationship for agreeing.

Despite my husband paying half of the bills, he would have no idea how much everything costs and how extra money would go out if we were to do X, Y, Z.

I honestly can’t believe actally I can, because no one on here seems to be able to say things nicely* that someone of you feel it’s ok to talk the way you do to other people you literally have no idea about

ButchyRestingFace · 05/11/2018 21:17

Do all you people saying how horrible she is, never say no to anything? Makes me wonder what your children are like if you say yes to everything they want

One would hope the relationship OP has with her husband is nothing like the relationship she has with her husband... Hmm

angelfacecuti75 · 05/11/2018 21:18

Um op, you presumably forget that he probably works hard to pay the bills as well as you and he lives there too so you don't get to veto everything. Its both of you's residence & compromise is key. Are u that hard up you cant afford it?!

Icanttakemuchmore · 05/11/2018 21:40

Stick the shirt in the airing cupboard the night before.
But, saying that, if I wanted the heating on for an hour in the morning before going to work then I'd have it on. I contribute to the bills and my dh wouldn't object if I was cold.

shouldidoitspoilt · 05/11/2018 21:42

He would be a dick if he didn't let you have the heating on
I live in the south east and I have the heating on all year
The house adjusts itself with the heating when needed to be 24 degrees inside at all
Time
Put the heating on if someone is cold
You're mean and controlling

TheWiseWomansFear · 05/11/2018 21:46

Hang it in the bathroom when he has his shower or blast it with the hairdryer.

Like you were in a well insulated flat in London and I haven't yet put it on this year and probably won't til it hits 0.

TheWiseWomansFear · 05/11/2018 21:47

Although I wouldn't get mad with DP if he DID choose to switch it on...

Petitepamplemousse · 05/11/2018 21:47

It is pretty pathetic and controlling to say no to something so small, though.

Petitepamplemousse · 05/11/2018 21:48

Let’s be honest if it was a man not letting the woman have the heating on for an hour in the morning in her own home we’d all be calling him controlling.

apostropheuse · 05/11/2018 22:04

I was born in 1961 and was brought up in a house with one coal fire, which was in the living room. There was thick ice inside the windows in the other rooms. I can vividly remember how miserable it was. It was bloody awful! Thankfully it's now 2018 and I live in a centrally heated house. I love getting up to a warm comfortable house! During really bad spells the heating stays on all night.

If you can afford to pay the heating bill, why wouldn't you?

Madness.

Fresta · 05/11/2018 22:30

Rock, why is warming plates up so bad? - it's the norm to put hot food on a warm plate in my life, otherwise the food in contact with the cold plate goes cold very quickly and isn't as nice. Most restaurants warm their plates, and my oven even has a plate warming rack- it's normal!