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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not put the heating on for this?!

327 replies

jiroej · 04/11/2018 09:54

I feel the cold, and we have had the heating on a few times on chilly evenings this year. However, we live in a well insulated flat, and it's still relatively mild in the south east.

I haven't put the timer on for the mornings yet as a) it's not that cold and b) we get up, get dressed, and go to work for 10 hours, so I feel it's a waste of money to heat up the place just to quickly leave. Once we start getting frosts though, we will put it on.

However, DP now wants to put the heating on for an hour every morning from now on, whatever the temperature, for one reason: to heat up his work shirt before putting it on. It's causing a lot of arguments, as he thinks it's worth paying for, whereas I think it's a pathetic and ridiculous reason to put the heating on before it's actually cold enough to.

He thinks I am BU, but I don't find it cold enough in the mornings to put the heating on and put our bills up. AIBU to keep pushing back and saying no? I know it's a sillt issue as the heating will be on in the mornings anyway in a few weeks, but right now it's an issue and I don't know if I'm being unfair or not?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 04/11/2018 20:07

The thing is what does it actually cost to put your heating on for an hour, on average, 20 pence?

So assuming he works five days a week, she's arguing about four quid a month? And deciding it's her call?

easyandy101 · 04/11/2018 20:18

Tell him to run an iron over it like a normal person

RibbonAurora · 04/11/2018 20:22

Sleeping in a cold room is better for your health according to scientific studies, it encourages melatonin production and the body actually needs to cool down for more restful sleep. DH and I also sleep in a cold room with the windows cracked open but neither of us likes to shower and dress in a cold bathroom. You can't conflate the two scenarios in an effort to deflect. Have you thought of turning the heating off an hour earlier in the evening? You say the house is well-insulated so it shouldn't cool down too much before you go to bed whereas overnight it will cool down a lot more.

And what has his mother got to do with it? He's no asking you to warm his shirt is he? I used to put our clothes for the next day in the airing cupboard the night before and warm up the bathroom with a fan heater for a while every morning since we lived in a house without double-glazing or central heating - real ice on the inside of the windows deal.

user1471517900 · 04/11/2018 20:23

Love the replies that say it's a waste when he could simply use a tumbledrier or hairdryer or some other thing that presumably also is bad for the environment....and costs money too.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/11/2018 20:27

You put it on a thermostat set for 45 minutes before you get up and to go off 15 minutes before you leave. Then if it's cold enough it'll come on. If not, it won't.

It's pointless getting up, seeing frost and then putting it on.

Oh and yes, yabu and controlling to say DH can't have heating on because YOU aren't cold enough, even if he is coming across a bit of a princess over the shirt

GreenTulips · 04/11/2018 20:40

Oh and yes, yabu and controlling to say DH can't have heating on because YOU aren't cold enough, even if he is coming across a bit of a princess over the shirt

Isnt DH controlling by insisting the window is open and suprise suprise he's cold when he gets up and wants a warm shirt

No thought to OPs need is there?

GreasyFryUp · 04/11/2018 20:54

@jiroej , we've lived in a well insulated flat and we NEVER had the heating on in the morning. Underfloor heating in the kitchen was a bonus whilst making breakfast but we just got up, dressed and out in the mornings.

He's being a wuss. Does he want his vest warming on the radiators too?

Starlight345 · 04/11/2018 20:59

Ok the fact he wants the window open at night I have changed my mind .

I am a cold person and wouldn’t want anyone not allowing me to be warm

BackInRed · 04/11/2018 21:00

@jiroej

Compromise.

You get to have the bedroom windows closed at night and he gets his hour of heating in the morning.

LuluJakey1 · 04/11/2018 21:03

Hairdryer, hot water bottle, rub his chest with Fiery Jack- that'll warm him up.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 04/11/2018 21:35

So it’s a tit for tat then - he insists on having the windows open at night so you’re insisting on a cold house in the morning?
Maybe try and learn to communicate and compromise? There are lots of times in a relationship where you need to come to an agreement on something that affects both of you and you can’t always get what you want. If neither of you will give an inch there’s going to be a lot of conflict ahead.

Inertia · 04/11/2018 22:15

OK, well given your update it seems that cold bedrooms and shirts are a consequence of having the windows open all night. There's little point in having the heating on for all the heat to escape out of an open window- he needs to heat his shirt a different way.

Vixxxy · 05/11/2018 03:31

I would be freezing in 17. Ours is set to come on automatically when it goes below 21!

Its funny you never mentioned this sleeping with the window open in November until a lot of posters said you were being controlling. If you are cold, ask him to shut the windows on a night Hmm Its quite unreasonable, if thats whats happening, to sleep with the windows open then moan about being cold on a morning.

Foslady · 05/11/2018 03:36

If he wants a warm shirt in the morning pass him the iron

KeiTeNgeNge · 05/11/2018 05:03

What Foslady said

RockinHippy · 05/11/2018 06:19

Unless you are absolutely skint & the extra expensive will impact your food budget or something- YABVU & controlling

If my husband tried this stunt, he would be single by now

Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 05/11/2018 07:16

Yes, let's all put our heating on for an hour just to warm a shirt. It doesn't cost much except to the environment, but that's ok because that's nothing to do with you as you reused a Costa coffee cup last week.
These are the areas where we can all make a big difference but choose not to as we're a bunch if hypocrites

SoyDora · 05/11/2018 07:33

Do you like each other?

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 05/11/2018 07:57

I'm going to go against the grain here and say YANBU.

If he was cold and wanted the heating on and you refused then that's unreasonable. Everyone on here has jumped to that conclusion.

But he isn't cold and doesn't want the house to be warmer - he wants the heating on in the whole house, for a whole hour, to warm one item of clothing as his mum used to do it for him. So I do think that's a bit wasteful. It's horrible to be cold but if you're not cold it's not horrible to put on clothes without warming them.

I'd buy him an electric clothes rail or similar for an early Christmas present and use that instead unless it's now cold enough to turn the heating on anyway

Jocasta2018 · 05/11/2018 08:56

Our heating is on a timer and thermostat.
During the week the time is set at 5-6.30am then 5-10pm. If it’s chilly, it comes on.
In winter, I also have lights on timers that come on at 5.45am til 7am then 5pm til 10pm downstairs. It makes a nice start and end to the day when you leave and return in the dark.

My partner is a garage mechanic and he works from 7.30am til 6pm. I wouldn’t dream of saying to him ‘no heating for you for you this morning young man’ given he can be working in quite tough conditions.

If your bills are too expensive, shop around. Both of us grew up in houses with ice on the inside of the windows & the delights of chilblains. We’re not profligate, we’re adults and can choose not to live that way anymore!

diddl · 05/11/2018 08:59

Is there another room he could leave his shirt in so that it doesn't get cold from him opening the bedroom windows?

Why do you have to put up with being cold overnight Op?

Couldn't he close the window & have a thinner duvet?

hibbledibble · 05/11/2018 08:59

I disagree that it is that mild in the south east now. I'm in London and it is pretty cold at night or in the evenings/mornings!

I would agree with your husband re heating but having the windows open at night negates that.

diddl · 05/11/2018 09:01

Tbh, him wanting a warm shirt because that's what mummy did would have me wanting to leave.

Bluntness100 · 05/11/2018 09:05

Look op. Why don't you do this. Assume he wishes to do it for Nov through to Feb, ask him to give you thr fifteen quid it will cost for those four months to have it on for an hour five days a week and be done with it. Then you're not out of pocket.

Nousernamefound · 05/11/2018 17:30

Tell him to blow it through with the hair dryer if he’s that desperate!