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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not put the heating on for this?!

327 replies

jiroej · 04/11/2018 09:54

I feel the cold, and we have had the heating on a few times on chilly evenings this year. However, we live in a well insulated flat, and it's still relatively mild in the south east.

I haven't put the timer on for the mornings yet as a) it's not that cold and b) we get up, get dressed, and go to work for 10 hours, so I feel it's a waste of money to heat up the place just to quickly leave. Once we start getting frosts though, we will put it on.

However, DP now wants to put the heating on for an hour every morning from now on, whatever the temperature, for one reason: to heat up his work shirt before putting it on. It's causing a lot of arguments, as he thinks it's worth paying for, whereas I think it's a pathetic and ridiculous reason to put the heating on before it's actually cold enough to.

He thinks I am BU, but I don't find it cold enough in the mornings to put the heating on and put our bills up. AIBU to keep pushing back and saying no? I know it's a sillt issue as the heating will be on in the mornings anyway in a few weeks, but right now it's an issue and I don't know if I'm being unfair or not?

OP posts:
RomanyRoots · 05/11/2018 18:36

Ours in on all day as there's always someone here. I couldn't imagine waking up to a cold house. Sad

GreenTulips · 05/11/2018 18:40

I couldn't imagine waking up to a cold house

The house isn't cold

HellonHeels · 05/11/2018 18:42

I think you should split up.

PrivateDoor · 05/11/2018 18:46

Gerda I love that, clever rabbit.

OP, you are not being unreasonable. If HE was cold, then of course he should be able to turn on the heating, but he wants it on because....... his SHIRT is cold? Absolutely ridiculous. Anyone who opens windows and sets the heating to come on at the same time are ridiculous imo. I honestly couldn't be with someone so stupid and selfish, so its a LTB from me. I cannot abide someone who cares so little about the world around them. There really is no excuse for this wastefulness of the worlds resources.

Again, if it were because he was cold (and the windows were closed) then I would be responding that yabu, the shirt thing though is just pathetic. Especially when you say he was angry that he had to put on an unwarmed shirt Confused

Bluntness100 · 05/11/2018 18:47

Gosh op, I feel really sorry for you. And your partner, I don't know how he lives with it. You begrudge him thr less than twenty pence to put the heating on, you won't put it on unless it's below 17 degrees, you get cold at night due to thr windows open, but can't have the heating on in the morning, even though it's cold from the nights and if it does go on too high, you get a headache.

It really is mission impossible to make you comfortable. I genuinely think you need to live alone for both your sanity. This sort of arguments and physical discomfort and malaise is far from the norm.

flowergrrl77 · 05/11/2018 18:48

Plug in heated clothes horse!

(With a timer on the plug for it to come on 30 mins before wake up time)

I’d have the heating on myself. But if I were YOU! I’d be saying no, no heating with open windows! We are not paying to heat the outside!

GL

Nicknacky · 05/11/2018 18:53

I’ve been reading this thread and wonder how some posters treat their partners in real life.

“Wuss”
“Pathetic”
“Grow up”

And one poster saying they would consider leaving their partner if he wanted this.

Is that honestly the way people would treat a man they are supposed to love because he wants the heating on?

mostdays · 05/11/2018 18:56

Is that honestly the way people would treat a man they are supposed to love because he wants the heating on?

If he wanted to heat the whole house to 30 simply so he could warm his shirt up before putting it on, and was clear with me that he didn't feel cold just wanted a warm shirt, I'd be pretty fucking scathing tbh.

DramaticGoose · 05/11/2018 18:57

Make a hit water bottle and wrap the shirt round it. He could do it while he's making you your morning brew. Grin

Nicknacky · 05/11/2018 18:57

I think the op is now wording her posts to make us agree he is unreasonable!

Summersun111 · 05/11/2018 18:58

Tell him to quickly blow a hair dryer in the shirt and himself... works a treat and takes minutes!! Albeit a little noisy!

GreenTulips · 05/11/2018 19:00

I'm wondering how many of you warm your mans shirt up? Who does this?

I don't!!

tiggerkid · 05/11/2018 19:06

If he wanted to heat the whole house to 30 simply so he could warm his shirt up before putting it on, and was clear with me that he didn't feel cold just wanted a warm shirt, I'd be pretty fucking scathing tbh.

To be fair, I don't think he wanted to heat the whole house to 30 just to warm up his shirt. The house is cold in the mornings. It's more likely that he turned the heat up to 30 to make the radiators come on quicker and on high heat to warm up his shirt quickly as I am assuming he can't wait for hours on end before work in the mornings.

Gonzoo · 05/11/2018 19:06

Just buy a heated airer from Lakeland and put it on a timer. He can hang his shirts on it. Job done. You're having a power struggle over an hour's heat. Maybe have a think about the overall state of things between you?

Nicknacky · 05/11/2018 19:06

Has anyone suggest we should?

tiggerkid · 05/11/2018 19:08

I'm wondering how many of you warm your mans shirt up? Who does this?

I don't either but it's hardly the point here. The point is that OP's other half wants this as according to her his mother used to do that. She said the heating would be on in the mornings in few weeks anyway, so it is really incredibly petty to keep arguing about few quid.

We all have our peculiarities and the truth is we all want to be comfortable in our own homes. It doesn't really matter why or who else wants to be comfortable in the same way!

Ottermum23 · 05/11/2018 19:10

Just let him have it on for an hour in the morning.

Bluntness100 · 05/11/2018 19:19

I'm wondering how many of you warm your mans shirt up? Who does this?

I think you've misread the thread, it's not he wishes her to warm his shirt. It's he wishes to put the heating on so he can. She takes issues with this, has decided it's her decision, she begrudges him the pennies to do so, and apparently now its been drip fed in it makes her physically unwell also.

SoyDora · 05/11/2018 19:23

I'm wondering how many of you warm your mans shirt up? Who does this?

He hasn’t asked her to warm his shirt up for him? He just wants the radiator on so he can warm it.

ViserionTheDragon · 05/11/2018 19:24

I think the heated airer is the solution for your DP is the heated airer. The solution for your window situation is sleeping in separate rooms. Would that work at all?

ViserionTheDragon · 05/11/2018 19:25

Oops, I was a bit repetitive there, but I think my message was clear OP Wink.

BeardedMum · 05/11/2018 19:26

I never really put the heating on, just more clothes.

Adnerb95 · 05/11/2018 19:39

YABU - let him put the heating on you old meanie!

MY DH - (explaining why he thinks we don't need the heating on in November)it's quite mild today isn't it?
ME - is it?
MY DH - 13 degrees!
ME - great, I'll just put my swimsuit on and have a sunbathe then ...
MY DH - why, are you cold?
ME - err, well yes. 13 degrees is not warm enough to sit in without the heating on. You can get sent home from work if the temperature drops to that.
MY DH - really? Blimey, your hands (which are round his neck by now!) are cold aren't they? Do you think there is something wrong with your circulation?

NotBeforeCoffee · 05/11/2018 19:43

Are you the radiator police or are you one of two equals in a concentual relationship?

Fresta · 05/11/2018 19:47

If his shirt is cold then it must be cold in the flat too!

Your flat is probably warmer than my house as ours is an old draughty thing, but even so the weather is pretty cold now so without any heating it must be pretty chilly.

I'd have the heating on for the hour before I get up so that i can eat my breakfast and get dressed in the warmth.