Niece has named her daughter the same name as my daughter.

[GreyEyed]

My daughter was born 4 weeks ago (still in hospital) as she arrived premature. Niece gave birth yesterday morning and named her the same name (although I'm putting a long version on the BC). I'm a bit hurt tbh. AIBU?

It's perfectly normal for people who are related to share a name

^Middle names yes. Not first names. YABU- I would hate this.

It's totally fine to be annoyed ! ButhL I would just keep telling myself. Mine was first, even if that's a lil childish I'd find comfort in that or she's named after my baby. Even if thats isn't true, it's sblftet till a comfort x

I would be absolutely gutted if a family member did this!! Is it likely that they will go to the same school & be in the same class? That's when it will continue to be odd - especially as they will share the same surname. I really feel for you & I would probably have to change my DD's name as it would eat away at me. Hope your baby comes home soon 

Your niece is a bellend. And so is your mum for not being 100% supportive while you are looking after a baby in the NICU. I hope you’re home soon OP.

In work I dealt with a case of a family of British Asian family where the dad and two sons had the same first name and the daughter had a similar version of it.
My mind was blown trying to work out who was who.

I don’t think it would bother me. We used the same name as a friend as we’d decided on the name a few years before our child came along and couldn’t agree on anything else. We picked a slightly different spelling.
We told our friends we would be doing this and they were fine.
They live quite far from us though and we only see them a few times a year x

DH has the same name as his dad and two of his cousins. So far everyone has coped.

I don’t think you ABU! I too would be miffed!! I would ask her/ make light of it in a jokey way when you see her. I’m sure there’s a good reason why. Maybe once you know her thought process you’ll feel better. X

I totally see how you feel about this.

My DB named their dc the same (different spelling) and almost the same middle name to our cousin. Both names are family names in both families so meant a lot to use these names.

My DB always wanted this name (long before cousin used it) and they thought long and hard about it but in the end decided that they were not close to the other family member and don't live near them so actually their dc are rarely together.

However when my cousin (dsis of cousin above) gave her dc a very similar first name and same middle name to my Dc I was not happy about it. My dc middle name is a family name of DH side whereas it's not a family name on our side so it meant a lot to use it.

I've never discussed it with the mum but did discuss it with her dsis who excused it because my DB has used her DC's name?!

I am very close to my cousins (unlike my DB) so our DC's see each other all the time and are like first cousins to each other not like 2nd cousins so I find it weird if I am honest.

I’d say the fact she’s been cagey through the pregnancy is because she had chosen that name

This was my thought too. Perhaps she was hoping you or she would change your mind at some point and the issue would go away.

I have to say I wouldn't have changed my child name (the only name DH and I both loved!) if a family member had also chosen it. Once we had chosen it, it was just 'right'. We didn't tell our families til months later.

My best friend my whole life has the same name as me, so billions of social occasions where we are both being called by the same name. It's not a big deal. If the babies grow up close they may like sharing a name.

I think the mental comparison of her full term baby to yours is what is really upsetting you, and I'm sorry to say but that would happen whatever the name was, because of the close birth. I'm sure your baby is just as loved by the wider family, it's just a different thing when they are still in hospital.

Not sure if I've missed it but do you have the same surname?
She was technically due before you in which case you would have announced the nand second
She like you probably decided on the name months ago
Years ago it was very common in families to share names and have multiples of John etc
I have two very close friends called the same. It made no difference from school to now. They share a name not personality
So you ab u and it must be you r hormones

Op is the name Katie and Catherine x

Oh and YANBU, I would be livid.

I’d say the fact she’s been cagey through the pregnancy is because she had chosen that name

Yes I suspect so too. She didn't want a conflict and was relying on her earlier due date to mean she could use the name first and you'd be stuck with the choice of copying or changing.

If that's true it's not nice of her not to have been upfront with you.

However, if she had been, and said "actually we like the same name", what would you have done?

You'd have had to either stick with the same name (despite having a later due date) or change yours. Either way you wouldn't have got to be the sole user of the chosen name.

I hope your baby is doing well and comes home soon.

I don't think it matters if cousins-once-removed have the same name, even if they are the same age, even if they go to the same school.

I think when you look back on this you'll think that what you're mostly upset about is not the name, it's that her baby is healthy and everyone is excited to see it, whereas your baby is poorly and you are scared and not able to do the excited-showing-off-baby thing.

That's a very understandable thing to be upset about, and I hope you and your baby are better soon.

I can see why this would annoy you but to put it into perspective I have a large close knit family and between my grandparents, aunts/uncles and cousins we have
Julia x 3
Stephen x 4
Thomas x 3
Gus x 2
Kevin x 2

They tend to get nicknames... so Stephen (bio uncle) is uncle Stevie, Stephen (auntie’s husband, uncle through marriage) is uncle Steve, Steven (a cousin) is ginger Steve, and then we have “little Stevie” (another cousin) who is the youngest and actually 30 years of age 😂

My much older cousin called his kids after me and my brother too because he loved looking after us when we were growing up and said he hoped his kids would be like we were.
So for e.g. our names are John and Eve, he nicknames his kids Johnny & Evie

Just differentiate... call your daughter by her full name so if they are both Isabelle call your daughter Isabelle-Kate or whatever it is.

You can also call the other baby Isabelle 2nd and make a point of telling your child how her cousin was named after her

YANBU

I would be very annoyed by this too. I know I don't own a name, but it's quite strange to name your child the same as a family member (or even a friend) especially 4 weeks after...

It’s just a really odd thing to do

I wouldn't want my kids being referred to a 'ginger joe' or 'big joe' etc that's just awful.

Whilst a lot of people are saying 'it's ok we manage' they aren't directly affected are they?

Where's 'ginger joe' saying 'it's fine - I love being called ginger/big/little/ etc'

We had something similar. Two months before the baby was born, family asked us about names. We stupidly told them the first and middle names. They told my husband's cousin. She used those exact same names for her baby who was born a month later. Unbelievable! There are thousands of names and possible name combinations yet they feel the need to copy?! We ended up changing our first name.

That's really odd and I don't blame you for being upset.

What happens if they are in the same class at school?

@chrisinthesun no not really, it was quite a few years ago and I wrote that about ce quite quickly. Obviously I didn’t give a shit that no one said what a nice name, my point was her name was sought of expected, like an eye roll and ‘oh Holly/Christmas of course’ it was actually a weirdly negative reaction. She was very early and would’ve been called Holly in February but it was December... we changed her name because there were literally 12 in 3 days (small birth unit) and it (for us) no longer felt right for her and special to us.
We’re very happy with the name we chose and so is she.
I was just giving an example to op of changing name unexpectedly and it being ok.
You sound bitter and miserable.

*anyone 🤦🏻‍♀️

Are they both your first borns, OP

Firstly I hope your daughter is doing well.

We decided when we got married (so years before kids can along) what we'd call our first boy and girl. When I was pregnant we always said we weren't sure about names because we didn't want to tell people. But these names meant a lot to us and if someone else in the family or a close friend had used them before I would still have used the same ones.

It's probable your niece chose this name ages ago and it's just coincidence.