Niece has named her daughter the same name as my daughter.

[GreyEyed]

My daughter was born 4 weeks ago (still in hospital) as she arrived premature. Niece gave birth yesterday morning and named her the same name (although I'm putting a long version on the BC). I'm a bit hurt tbh. AIBU?

@toherdoor I think asking her mum to stop seeing her great granddaughter every week just because of her name is a massive overreaction tbh.

Count yourself lucky. If you were Greek you'd have five cousins called George and five called Maria.

I know its not ideal.but for you to love this name and think this is your childs name when you looked upon her it is equally as possible your niece thoughts the same.
and so am I getting this right it will be ur new dc cousin whos had a baby.id love it if my cousin was named the same as me.it would make me quite protective.and instantly kind of bonded.and I think my mum (I no there is an age gap if it was me)would quite feel a bit honoured to that shed chosen the same.
im going on the fact u name ur kids something and its fits.its has to be their name and its agony when you cant decide! so try not to see it as spite but just something rather lovely.
it happened with us and Hannah and there is big han and little han and they are now adults and still we shout this as there name often!and its fun and been no problem.and they are closer because of it.
I no its not the best.and ur quite protective mother at this point and worried bout all sorts.but there is no comparison your both indiviuals and they aren't sisters so are far enough away in roles in the family to all that are close to you like you mum being her gran etc and things like that.

If your child was already a few years old then you wbu but with your child 4 weeks old and still in hospital it's insensitive to say the least!!

Totally on your side OP. Try not to worry about family as your child has all the love they need from you and your husband.

Look, don't tell anyone but.....thousands of little girls have the same name as your DD and your niece's DD. You can't expect everyone in the world to avoid a name just because you picked it. I'm sure your DD and niece's DD won't care - on the odd occasion that they meet they'll probably think it's really funny. Congratulations on the birth !

We have cousins who have the same name. Some of them use different nicknames and some don't. It has never been a problem.

No one "owns" a name. Back in the day, about 60% of girls were named Mary, Anne, or Elizabeth. In ancient Rome there were only about 20 names for boys. The most common of these was Gaius. In fact it became so common that it became a symbol of the Roman male.

Greyeyes don't worry, your niece has taken nothing from you. She may have a "chubby" baby at home with the same name as your DD, but she is living her life. As you say DDs intended name was no secret, the family and your niece know that perfectly well. Leave it ther and try to move on. The girls will develop their own personalities and suit the same name in different ways. In time it will not be an issue. It sounds to me that you need some TLC, look after yourself and look forward to the day that your own chubby DD is out of hospital and home. Congratulations x

Amazingly enough, MN won't let any of us have the same name as another user.

NU. She should have named her kid something else. Your baby was born an entire month before her's, so she had plenty of time to pick another name.

My SIL and I were pregnant at the same time but I was further ahead than her. To be honest, it wouldn't have really bothered me if the children had ended up with the same names but I know it would have bothered them if we had chosen a name they wanted. They knew they were having a girl, we didn't know what we were having. They kept names pretty close to their chest so I had a frank conversation with them to explain that, although unlikely, it was possible we could unintentionally 'steal' their perfect name if we didn't have a heads up about their preferences. They were pretty cagey but gave us some indications. In the end, we had a boy so no issue.

I don't think it's unreasonable for the OP to feel a little hurt. Everyone wants their baby to be 'special' and for some people sharing a name with a close relative is weird.

Having said that, in my family almost every boy has the same name either as first or middle, but nobody of the same age shares a first name. I would have given my son this name but used it as a middle name because my sister got there first!!

I can really understand your upset. She has a baby at home and your lo is still in hospital. I imagine it’s a constant reminder. One day these feelings will be a distant memory. ((Hugs))

ohello
That’s not amazing. It’s computer programming and perfectly logical.

@Topsyturvy1 I said back off not cut her off.
It might be helpful to give op some space from her niece particularly while her baby is in hospital, rather than being confronted with a baby that has the same name, that she's obviously hurt over.

That happens. We planned and decided on a name long before I was pregnant, and then a couple of months before I was due someone close to us (family) used the same name but we chose to stick with it. It just happens.

Very wise words from LetsMove1t.

I totally get why you are upset, and I hope your baby does well and you is home soon.

But you are being understandably a little unreasonable. She chose a name, decided not to announce that name before the baby was born, but her baby having that name doesn’t diminish your child in any way.

They’ll end up as Big Tilly and Wee Tilly or Tilly1 and Tilly2.

My ex husband’s family have a very traditional name that first born sons are called (apart from my son because I dug my heels in) so they have Big John, Wee John, Jack, Jim, John from xtown, Big John from XTown (xtown johns are father and son), John the spark, John James, John Paul, JP (also John Paul) and, of course, John.

Several relatives have the same name in my family, never been a problem they are usually called Ann P or Ann B etc., no confusion.

I would really hate this, despite what MN thinks about not owning a name, it's just bloody weird. I don't think it's your hormones but I also think you will get past it.

My cousin and I were due 6 weeks apart (myself first) and we both had decided on the same name but I was having the shortened version and her the long and the same middle name! When she was told by a family member that it was the name I had chosen though she changed her choice for the first name and kept the middle, which is exactly what I would have done if the roles had been reversed.

Yeah I would be annoyed. Bit bizarre and you got dibs.

You had both most likely just picked the same names prior to the births, what would you have done if her daughter was born first?

I hope one day you can find it to be an amusing quirk that you both happened to be having daughters at the same time and both happened to pick the same name. When you think of it like that it's kind of cute :-)

Yabu. No one has a monopoly on names. Each child will also have a friend of the same name when they get to nursery & school. There's nothing wrong with a name appearing multiple times in a family tree. Many families do it deliberately.

The comparisons between a full term baby and a preemy baby would be exactly the same whatever the babies' names.

YANBU. She knew the name you had picked, as she wanted to use it too, she could have had a sensible conversation about it with you well in advance. Even if you were both determined to use the name, forewarned is forearmed.

To hell with that. I would call my baby whatever I want. If said family member didn't like it, they are free to change THEIR child's name.

Unfortunately I think your niece has the attitude above. Don't give a shit about anyone but themselves.

How bloody bizarre! YANBU!

Of course YANBU, it's more of a reflection on your niece than you. There are millions of names out there to chose from so it's weird that she chose 'yours'.

Sending you and your little one best wishes 

If my neice named her baby my child's name would find it so weird! Even if I planned to call my baby a name if family had a baby first I'd change? I'm so confused everyone who thinks it's normal? If she didn't know then fair enough but she is immediately family in my eyes and she knew and out of all the names and chose the same?

I'd definitely use another name. Who had the name first is irrelevant now. (Although I do think it was unreasonable of her to use the name). Otherwise they may always be compared with the other and sometimes not favourably. I'd hate that for my child. I think you should think about using it as a middle name or given name but not their known as name.

I have two cousins named Margaret. My mum’s was the father of one and mum’s sister the mother of the other one. There is a couple of months difference in age. It never mattered at all. If speaking about them we used the full name/surname.
Relax, enjoy your baby.