Niece has named her daughter the same name as my daughter.

[GreyEyed]

My daughter was born 4 weeks ago (still in hospital) as she arrived premature. Niece gave birth yesterday morning and named her the same name (although I'm putting a long version on the BC). I'm a bit hurt tbh. AIBU?

It's not a common name and you mentioned it multiple times as your choice while pregnant.

There's a chance she thought since she was due first she could use it and then you'd change your mind or look like you were copying her. 🤔

Thanks everyone. Feeling a little bit better about it today, but I'm obviously still disappointed (maybe she did pick it but it's just such a coincidence, it really is - outside the top 100 as well (the nickname is in like the top 400!))

Yes these are both our first children.

This is why you never tell folk the name!

What, even after the baby is born and you've named her? Which is what happened here. The niece used the OP's selected name 4 weeks after she announced it.

GreyEyed. First, congratulations on your beautiful baby girl. I hope she's out of hospital soon.

Second, this is not about hormones. I would be furious and upset if I were you and my kids are now in their 20s.

And wtf is the matter with chrisinthesun? Jeez. Such anger and vitriol.

YANBU. Just because no one 'owns' a name, doesn't mean that family members shouldn't use a bit of common sense. If two people in a family have a baby four weeks apart, the second person to give birth should really manage to come up with a different name.

There's an astounding lack of emotional empathy on this thread, as always. Clearly, no one "owns" a name, but if you really can't understand why someone might be upset/miffed at a close family member using the exact name you've just named your baby just weeks earlier, then you perhaps ought to take a look at yourself, rather than sneering at a new mum whose baby is in hospital.

I've told this tale before, but I'll tell it again.

My DM struggled for many years to conceive, and had told her SIL that should the miracle baby ever arrive she would be called 'Fay' (not real name)
Shortly thereafter SIL gave birth to a baby girl and called her 'Faye'. DM was devastated (which I suspect was a result of long term infertility as well) and her MIL (My Gran) asked SIL why she had been so insensitive. SIL blew up spectacularly, threw Gran out of the house and none of them ever spoke again.

Obviously I was born and I was named 'Fay' as she'd wanted, but the family never really healed. Ironically I did see my cousin occasionally and we were thrilled to share a name.

OP, I feel for you. You’re worried about your little baby and it feels as though your neice is getting a better experience. She can take her chubby baby home, hers is the first great grandchild, she’s using the same name too.

I think you wouldn’t be so upset by it if it hadn’t underlined the things that you haven’t been able to control. Maybe you need time to feel a bit sad that you didn’t get the birth experience everyone hopes for.

Things will, I hope, get better. You can bring your baby home, she will be loved, chubby or not, she will be treasured.

Either your niece fell heavily in love with this name and just couldn’t bear to give it up, and said nothing because what is there to say? Or she picked it because she’s jealous of you. We can’t know. It doesn’t matter. It’s done now.

Your baby will be no less special because she’s not the only ‘name’ in the family. She is special to you and so is her name.

Plan some lovely things for yourself, order a name plate for her room and let this go.

@Birdie69

Look, don't tell anyone but.....thousands of little girls have the same name as your DD and your niece's DD. You can't expect everyone in the world to avoid a name just because you picked it. I'm sure your DD and niece's DD won't care - on the odd occasion that they meet they'll probably think it's really funny. Congratulations on the birth.

@agnurse

We have cousins who have the same name. Some of them use different nicknames and some don't. It has never been a problem. No one "owns" a name. Back in the day, about 60% of girls were named Mary, Anne, or Elizabeth. In ancient Rome there were only about 20 names for boys. The most common of these was Gaius. In fact it became so common that it became a symbol of the Roman male.

@tenorladybeaker

Yabu. No one has a monopoly on names. Each child will also have a friend of the same name when they get to nursery & school. There's nothing wrong with a name appearing multiple times in a family tree. Many families do it deliberately.

Yeah, I agree with all of these.

@ohello

Amazingly enough, MN won't let any of us have the same name as another user.

Worst analogy ever!

As has been said, many families have several family members with the same first name. WTF is wrong with people? I would not give a damn if a cousin of mine (or sibling) named their kid the same name as my kid. Also I would name my baby what I wanted, and wouldn't be told by some histrionic and irrational individual that I was not allowed to give my baby the same name they chose. If I liked a name, that would be the name. If they were SO mad that they went NC, they would be doing me a favour. I can't deal with such childish petty behaviour and would prefer this kind of person out of my life.

I would be absolutely gutted if a family member did this!! Is it likely that they will go to the same school & be in the same class? That's when it will continue to be odd - especially as they will share the same surname. I really feel for you & I would probably have to change my DD's name as it would eat away at me. Hope your baby comes home soon .

Oh dear. What an over-reaction!!! It really is a weird thing to get het up about. Some people must lead such a blessed life if something as tiny and trivial as another family member naming their baby with the name they gave THEIR child upsets them so much.

butterflysugarbaby

Obviously you don't give two shots about anybody but yourself.

That's not a great way to be

I’d be upset too. My husband likes some of his cousin’s kids names, but I ruled them out as I’d be annoyed if they used one of our kids names. There are plenty of names to chose from, so I find this really unnecessary. If she was totally in love with the name, she should have asked you if it was ok first. Hope you’re all doing well.

YABU they may have chose that name before you and you don't own the name. Concentrate on your life and let them enjoy theirs.

This is common in Scottish and Irish families. I have a grandfather, uncle and 2 cousins all with the same name and then an uncle and 2 cousins with another name. Two of my aunts each had 2 boys that they gave the same names to. Not the same family but 2 brothers named Peter and Paul have 2 cousins named Peter and Paul. (Not their real names), if you see what I mean. No-one is bothered. Until last century, maybe even now, some families had very strict naming regimes with babies named after grandparents and aunts and uncles in strict order so parents didn't get much choice to be original.

In my family some children have their siblings name as a middle name too.

Don't be offended. It just means that you both like the name, and even if they see each other often, you'll find ways of differentiating between the girls.

I'd be really upset OP. You've had some harsh comments on here.

Your baby in still in hospital, you've had a tough month and this must feel like a real kick in the teeth .

Hm. I did this and it really annoyed my mum but I just didn't think it was a big deal. It was a name DH and I both liked and the fact that another family member had the same name was just a coincidence but DM thought it was wrong- she was really off about it. TBH though my DD has the same name as the DD of my cousin but we don't live near each other or see each other more often than the odd wedding/funeral etc. My cousin's DD is about 10 years older than mine and my DD is now 18 and the two of them have never met. They also don't share a surname. Had they been born at the same time and would have been growing up together I wouldn't have done it and would have been annoyed if someone had done it to me.
My youngest DS and my sister's eldest DS were born 3 weeks apart, with mine being born first. When my sister announced the name of her DS it was a name that we had almost chosen ourselves and when I told her this, she said she was really glad we hadn't as they would have had to change it and it was the only name they both agreed on- despite us living 300 miles apart and the boys not sharing a surname or living in the same area.

My brother and three first cousins all share the same first name due to the fact my dad, my mum's brother and two uncles married to my aunt's , all shared the same first name. My sister and four other cousins have the same name as my mum's sister who couldn't have children.

My aunt did this to me. She was due a month before me and was stuck for names. I stupidly told her ours and she used it. She even laughed and said ‘ha you can’t use it now’ I picked another name and I’m glad now I did...it suits her better anyway

@elesbells she sounds a charmer, that aunt of yours. I think I'd have been tempted to tell her you changed your mind because you heard of a notorious serial killer of the same name.

Definitely weird, niece needs to get a life

Neice is out of order. There are plenty of names to go around.

If she had this name in mind already she should have spoken up when you mentioned it.
Sly arse tactics.

I would want my child to have it's own individuality amongst my immediate family.

I wouldn't like it. If I came from a big family with lots of Marys and Patricks, as someone said, I would naturally accept it, but otherwise I would be a little bit annoyed. It would be different if it was a child who was named after an older member of the family - for example, one of my daughters is named after my mother. But in the OP's situation I would feel annoyed but what can you do?

I'd be pissed off! Maybe she has convinced herself that you are sticking to the long name so she thinks it's not really the same.

If you had a boy and a girl you would have to find a solution. What would it be?

Posted on wrong thread - can't edit