Niece has named her daughter the same name as my daughter.

[GreyEyed]

My daughter was born 4 weeks ago (still in hospital) as she arrived premature. Niece gave birth yesterday morning and named her the same name (although I'm putting a long version on the BC). I'm a bit hurt tbh. AIBU?

@GreyEyed I'd be heartbroken, especially even more so with your daughter being in hospital and everyone doting on your great niece! Just not great is it, no matter how happy you want to be for her, my family don't really bother with my DD just dote on all the other kids!

As long as your daughter knows you love her that is all that matters !! Hugs  xx

I'm sure its not because your Mum had already had grandchildren. Of course a great grandchild is special but also your dd is still in hospital do its going to be harder for gps and other family to bond with them. It will be different when you are home.

The nickname and full names are outside the top 100 :/ so isn't that common but also not unusual

I know sweeney, I know I'm just trying to think the worst, I should try and be more positive

Go all 🇺🇸 and call hers junior

If there's ever a time you are allowed to be sensitive it's now.

Don't apologise for venting here.

It would only bother me if I had chosen an unusual name - it would seem odd to have two Hepzibahs. But if it's a common name I don't think it matters - there are so many Millie/Ellie/Tilly's it is bound to happen.

I have the same name as my first cousin (and other relatives) and it had never bothered me.

we have 6 John's in our Family .. SIX ?! it's mayhem at family gatherings..

It stems from several Family members wishing to use my Grandfathers name.. carry it on as such .. bla bla bla... ridiculous...

I'm glad I have girls

I'm so sorry, sounds like your family are totally unhelpful.

I would try and nip their crap in the bud. Stop their comparing, point out its weird when one is premature.
I'd also let them know you feel forgotten about.

Maybe it was you that stole 'her' baby name op? Just a thought.

Is thinking this too. It's possible she had wanted this name all along.

OP, I'd consider changing the name. I changed my dd's name at 3 weeks as she was named after someone who objected. DD is a teenager and loves her (hastily chosen) name, possibly more than I do though I have learned to love it as she does.

I don't understand your niece's actions- I named one of my children the same name as an old friend called her child 5 months prior. I was a bit embarrassed but we have not met up in those ten years since and it's her name first! I know of someone whose grandparents gave their dog their name when they were 2 years old. That did not go down well and made for an awkward 14 or so years of the dogs life.

Congratulations on new wee baby
Don’t sweat it over a name.honestly it’s as big a deal as you allow it to be

@GreyEyed I would be a bit peeved about this too. I hope your baby is doing ok, we spent a while in neonatal care and I know how tough it can be.

It would have annoyed me too, rightly or wrongly. My cousin who I hardly ever see named her dd the same as mine and I was irritated, it felt like we really weren't important enough to be taken account of in the decision making.

💐OP, you have my sympathies.
I don't care if you "can't own a name" or how irrational it is, I'd be massively pissed off in your situation.

We were the last couple to have our baby in our NCT group and I remember DH and I both being relieved when the other members with boys announced different names and not our choice.

Obviously there will be other kids with the same name but it would be weird if it were friends let alone family, that's just bizarre.

In my opinion. I am well aware that some people think this is perfectly normal and fine. In my world, it isn't.

It’s weird and the wider reaction is hurtful. I hope that one day you will be able to shrug it off. Congratulations on your baby girl

(Strike out fail for the last paragraph)

I agree with others, she had probably chosen the name before.

Seems odd, but perhaps she didn't realise the shortening as you legally have chosen the longer name? We chose my dd2's name 22 weeks before she was born, perhaps that was the case with her, and you "took" the name she had chosen. The solution of course is to use the longer form of your dc's name when they are together.

If I was her I’d have been gutted but would have chosen a different name. It’s weird to use the same one, especially as you’re close and see each other often

OP did you and her ever discuss names, given you were so close in term?

If you don’t like it you’re free to change your own DD’s name but unfortunately you can’t ‘bag’ a name- who is to say she hadn’t loved this name all along and you simply beat her too it? She could be just as put out as you!

My SIL are likely to have children around the same time (her first I imagine) but DP and I have had our future DD’s name picked out forever (me since childhood) it’s a traditional name and one I believe SIL would consider should she have a DD

However, I would name my DD that name even if SIL had 10 DD’s all named the same and I would probably still feel aggrieved (as though it had been taken from me) even if she used it first.

Simply having your baby first doesn’t give you rights to the name.

Meteor OP said “Well I hadn't kept the name we chose a secret through pregnancy so she knew the name before, even if I was due after her. When the family asked her about names she always said she just wasn't sure yet.“ at 21.33

🤔 I actually wonder what the protocol is here, if you have close family who are pregnant at the same time as you do you tell them if you’re completely set on a certain name? My SIL would be annoyed if I used the same name as her - but DP and I are set on our two chosen names and won’t be using anything else.

I'd be fucked off it's an unusual name, but not so much if it's more we'll used.

OP I think it depends on how popular the name is, and if you had actually discussed names beforehand.

If you named your daughter without her mentioning that she was going to use the name, and then she used it, then yes I would be annoyed.

Congrats on the birth of your daughter though, hope she's doing well.