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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Has my DP been stealing my electricity?

282 replies

Rugpulledfromunderme8 · 03/11/2018 13:19

This is my first post after much lurking and it might be a bit outing but sod it, frankly. Apologies if this is a bit long.
So, I've been with my (now-ex) DP for nearly four years and he lives in the flat above me (which is how me met).
He's been living with me with a view to selling his place and we were going to buy somewhere together.
We've had a few rows along the way but generally been living together ok for about two and a half years.
So, the past few mornings I've noticed that a double socket in the spare bedroom has been switched on. (With nothing plugged in) I work during the day and he's doing his flat up, so he's at home during the day.
Thought nothing of it, I plug my hairdryer into the neighbouring socket and thought I'd knocked it. Until today, when the alarm clock was flashing and plugged into the 'wrong' socket - indicating that it had been unplugged and plugged back in again. A long extension cable was under the bed. (the kind that wraps around a wheel type device, so really, really long)
I shouted through the bathroom door to ask what he'd been using the socket for. No answer. Then he laughed and said he was listening to the clock radio on the alarm (so obviously not true, who sits in a spare room listening to a clock radio?!)
Basically he refused to tell me what he'd been doing. Said I'd imagined it, it was me, he'd done nothing. I got so angry because it's blatantly obvious he's been using the socket for something and he won't tell me. I can't begin to imagine what he's been doing and why he won't tell me.
So I clearly can't trust him in my flat can I? I've asked him to move out.
He says I'm being unreasonable, clearly don't trust him and 'shouldn't' be living with someone when 'I'm not the sort to trust anyone in my house.'
Wtf? I'm shell shocked. AIBU? What has he been doing?

OP posts:
Vixxxy · 03/11/2018 14:32

This is so odd. I think I would assume he didn't tell me what he had been using it for, as he thinks I am a bit batshit and saw the whole thing as a bit of a joke? I assume though,k that a lot of stuff has gone on that you haven't wrote about, as tbh I can't make much sense of this at all!

BigChocFrenzy · 03/11/2018 14:37

Surely after moving in for more than a couple of weeks, you share all bills

After 4 years of a cocklodger, I gather it was the final straw when the OP thought she was paying for the electricity in his own flat too, without ever being asked about it

Rugpulledfromunderme8 · 03/11/2018 14:38

@NoseTitZilla He stripped his flat right back to bare bricks and floorboards. He's rebuilding walls and changing the configuration so nothing in there but power tools and a lot of dust. Not even a bathroom.
Thank you for your message.

OP posts:
InsomniacAnonymous · 03/11/2018 14:40

So since you've chucked him out that's what he's having to live in? How will he manage without even a bathroom?

Alfie190 · 03/11/2018 14:44

Come clean

About what he has used a plug socket for. OMFG I have read it all.

ifonly4 · 03/11/2018 14:45

I'd remove the cable from under the bed, see if he comments on that.

BigChocFrenzy · 03/11/2018 14:46

I suspect his flat renovation will suddenly speed up like mad !

theodoracrainsgloves · 03/11/2018 14:47

I can't believe you've ended a 2+ year relationship over him using a plug socket and not telling you why. There must surely be a back story here.

SavoyCabbage · 03/11/2018 14:49

If I was in my own home and I thought 'oh I need to power up my sander for tomorrow's sanding related activities' then I would plug my sander into the nearest spare socket.

californiascreaming · 03/11/2018 14:50

I get you OP even if many don't. Its not really the specific question about the power lead that is the issue or what it is he's been doing.
Its the fact that he isn't prepared to speak honestly with you. If he can be like this over something as trivial as what he uses a power lead for, then is there potential for him to be like this over many issues including important ones.
I do believe you should live with someone before committing to them long term - precisely so you can find out if you are on the same page about things and give you the time for things to crop up and deal with as a couple. In this case you have learnt that you have different and incompatible views about just talking straight and not being awkward/evasive...

Rugpulledfromunderme8 · 03/11/2018 14:51

@InsomniacAnonymous. I don't know how he'll manage. He has running water obviously but no actual bathroom. He'll probably end up back in my flat as I'll feel so bad about where he's living.

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 03/11/2018 14:52

I totally understand OP. Yes he's a cocklodger usingvyour electric instead of his own

Out of interest when did he last buy you dinner or a bunch of flowers?

Gemini69 · 03/11/2018 14:52

I cannot believe the amount of POSTERS who have commented without reading what OP has written...

her BF lives RENT FREE in HER FLAT.. whilst running HER Electricity UP to HIS FLAT... to renovate it... he's a CF who pays nothing toward the rent free flat she lets him share with her.... and SHE'S PAYING for HIS electricity too.... and all the bills... OP you did good getting rid Flowers

daisychain01 · 03/11/2018 14:52

He did not contribute to the bills because he still pays bills for his

Sorry but if you're that soft on him you didn't come to an arrangement about sharing bills in your flat, due to his consumption of some of those facilities, then you can hardly blame him being a chancer, he got away with it.

I asked him to leave because he has clearly been using the electricity I pay for to power something outside my flat and he refuses to tell me what
I am concerned the power in his flat has been cut off and he is using the electricity - that only I pay for - to power his

Power his what, OP. The most he can do is use the plus to charge up an electric drill or screwdriver. We're talking a thimble's worth of electricity.

He's your ex for a reason, fair enough but your electricity stealing allegations just don't make sense, sorry. Move on, as quickly as possible.

Feefeetrixabelle · 03/11/2018 14:54

It’s basic gaslighting. ‘Why’s this plug on? Oh I’ve had to have the power turned off upstairs while I do some work so I need to run an extension. Oh ok fair enough’. Wouldn’t have been the hardest conversation to have would it.

Gemini69 · 03/11/2018 14:54

POWER TOOLS Hmm perhaps ?

category12 · 03/11/2018 14:56

But he's living with the OP for free, not paying towards utilities because he has his own flat and pays its bills.

So running an extension lead from her flat to his is totally taking the piss.

InsomniacAnonymous · 03/11/2018 14:56

daisychain01 "He's your ex for a reason, fair enough but your electricity stealing allegations just don't make sense, sorry."

You do realise he's only her ex for this reason, don't you? They were planning to buy a place together, but she's just ended the relationship because of the "electricity stealing allegations" He wasn't her ex before that.

C0untDucku1a · 03/11/2018 14:57

Christ some people have low standards and expectations of others. Op didnt end the relationship because he used a plug socket. She ended it because he tried to gaslight her over it what is clearly him being a cf. it is the gaslighting that is the issue. Not the use of a plug socket. It is really not hard to follow.

HollowTalk · 03/11/2018 14:58

It depends - if he's using her electricity then he could have a heater up there all day, which she's paying for.

OP, is he usually tight?

SaucyJack · 03/11/2018 14:59

We have read it Gemini. But we’ve also read the bit that says he’s still paying for his own flat, and is doing it up to sell to put the profits towards the house they were jointly buying. Even if he is charging power tools that he using upstairs, the OP is still going to profit financially from all the hours and hours of grunt work that he’s putting in.

However, there must be something else here. It’s just too weird otherwise.

TruculentandFarty · 03/11/2018 14:59

It’s basic gaslighting. ‘Why’s this plug on? Oh I’ve had to have the power turned off upstairs while I do some work so I need to run an extension. Oh ok fair enough’. Wouldn’t have been the hardest conversation to have would it.

That's how I feel too. Lying then gaslighting. Over something stupid that would probably end with "ok, but please don't unplug XYZ if you do that" or "we should probably talk about halving bills while you are here"

Rugpulledfromunderme8 · 03/11/2018 15:00

@Feefeetrixabelle totally!!! That's it. Thank you
@NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Ironically, two bunches of flowers yesterday. Sad
@Gemini69 Thank you. You've explained it far better in two paragraphs than I have in several posts!

OP posts:
LittleBookofCalm · 03/11/2018 15:00

so now he is your ex.
story over op.
take back the key

Gemini69 · 03/11/2018 15:00

I agree..... he sounds dodgy... Grin