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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Has my DP been stealing my electricity?

282 replies

Rugpulledfromunderme8 · 03/11/2018 13:19

This is my first post after much lurking and it might be a bit outing but sod it, frankly. Apologies if this is a bit long.
So, I've been with my (now-ex) DP for nearly four years and he lives in the flat above me (which is how me met).
He's been living with me with a view to selling his place and we were going to buy somewhere together.
We've had a few rows along the way but generally been living together ok for about two and a half years.
So, the past few mornings I've noticed that a double socket in the spare bedroom has been switched on. (With nothing plugged in) I work during the day and he's doing his flat up, so he's at home during the day.
Thought nothing of it, I plug my hairdryer into the neighbouring socket and thought I'd knocked it. Until today, when the alarm clock was flashing and plugged into the 'wrong' socket - indicating that it had been unplugged and plugged back in again. A long extension cable was under the bed. (the kind that wraps around a wheel type device, so really, really long)
I shouted through the bathroom door to ask what he'd been using the socket for. No answer. Then he laughed and said he was listening to the clock radio on the alarm (so obviously not true, who sits in a spare room listening to a clock radio?!)
Basically he refused to tell me what he'd been doing. Said I'd imagined it, it was me, he'd done nothing. I got so angry because it's blatantly obvious he's been using the socket for something and he won't tell me. I can't begin to imagine what he's been doing and why he won't tell me.
So I clearly can't trust him in my flat can I? I've asked him to move out.
He says I'm being unreasonable, clearly don't trust him and 'shouldn't' be living with someone when 'I'm not the sort to trust anyone in my house.'
Wtf? I'm shell shocked. AIBU? What has he been doing?

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 03/11/2018 15:55

Yes @InsomniacAnonymous. That's it exactly. He became my ex after I discovered this and he refused to tell me what he'd been doing.

I would not respond to a partner demanding to know what I'd used a plug socket in my home for. I wouldn't make up any silly shit, but equally I wouldn't be cross examined or micro managed in this way.

You say he lives upstairs from you, OP? Directly above you? I hope for your sake he can move on from this break up with relative equanimity. I wouldn't like to be living in a flat directly below an ex I'd unceremoniously chucked out. Especially one with bare floorboards.

Good luck! 🍀

HollowTalk · 03/11/2018 15:57

The power tools aren't the problem. The fact is that he seems to have been running a cable from her flat to his, so that she pays for the cost of his electricity. Then when she confronts him, he is fobbing her off.

It's cold now. As I've said before, if he's using your electricity to heat his flat while he works in it, that's the problem.

ChatCatCat · 03/11/2018 16:00

A double plug socket, one empty and one has the alarm plugged in? Perhaps he used the extension to listen to the radio upstairs?

It's a bit strange to say he's lying because he hasn't 'admitted' to something, perhaps he is telling the truth!?!

Presumably if his flat is bare then he has a lot of stuff in your house, why wouldn't he stick an extension cord into a spare bit of space the spare room?

It's like there is no issue at all, but OP built up an issue, spoke to DP who is confused there is an issue and is now being accused of gaslighting over the imagined issue Grin

TruculentandFarty · 03/11/2018 16:00

he LIVES (well, did at the time) there. Why shouldn’t he use the socket? When you live with someone it’s utterly fucking barking to have to justify using a plug socket.

If my DH said "why is there an extension cord plugged in under the bed" I'd just answer. Not rocket science. I certainly wouldn't tell him he was imagining it. I do ask DH things like that from time to time

"why is your laptop charger on my side of the bed?"
"is there a reason an extension cable is trailing out of the garage?"

DH will say "oh, I was using it for my car, I forgot to put it away" "oh ok"
or "I was sitting there, why?" "you unplugged my alarm, can you fix it?" "sure"

We've been married twenty years, simple questions deserve simple answers. Not a huge deal.

Cuppatea10 · 03/11/2018 16:00

He might still have electric OP but doesn't want to use his as he will then have to pay for it. His actions speak volumes if he wasn't up to no good he would just say what he was up to. Don't take him back. He's made his bed

TruculentandFarty · 03/11/2018 16:01

OP built up an issue, spoke to DP who is confused there is an issue and is now being accused of gaslighting over the imagined issue

He is being accused of gaslighting her because he told her she was imagining it. That is frankly weird.

Grimbles · 03/11/2018 16:03

If my DH said "why is there an extension cord plugged in under the bed" I'd just answer.

And when he doesn't believe your answer?

ButchyRestingFace · 03/11/2018 16:04

I suppose OP will know for sure when her next electricity bill comes in and it does/doesn't show a spike for the time period in question.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 03/11/2018 16:04

Are you all missing he did say what he was doing listening to the radio in the other room. This would be backed up by the clock flashing. He could well have carried it in to the other room then nog set it when he came back with it. The extension lead wasnt plugged in so he might not even have used it just put it under the bed out of the way.

TruculentandFarty · 03/11/2018 16:07

And when he doesn't believe your answer?

I wouldn't believe my DH if he had a gigantic extension cord and had taken my alarm into the spare room and said it was so he could sit in the spare room listening to music from the radio. If he genuinely said that I'd have to say something like "sorry, what?!"

Grimbles · 03/11/2018 16:10

He could well have carried it in to the other room then nog set it when he came back with it

Exactly. He obviously unplugged the clock as it was plugged back into the wrong socket.

Why would he unplug the clock to plug in an extension when there was already an empty socket. The obvious answer being he didn't, and it was the clock he moved,
.

Grimbles · 03/11/2018 16:11

He took the alarm FROM the spare room...

buzzlightyearandwoody · 03/11/2018 16:14

The op knows what bills are coming in they should be working it out together what needs to be paid. Bills change every month and so does budget sheets so yes a conversation of how much that needs to be given has to be had.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 03/11/2018 16:19

@Grimbles thank goodness for someone with common sense.

Rugpulledfromunderme8 · 03/11/2018 16:23

I am not monitoring his electricity use! I noticed the clock was flashing and plugged into the 'wrong' socket - and a giant extension cable was under the bed next to the socket so I asked what I thought was a reasonable question about what he'd had plugged in. Him refusing to answer and saying I'd imagined it was what stirred everything up. I thought he'd just say 'oh I had to plug x/y/z in.' Conversation over. That didn't happen.
Thanks for all the responses and advice.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 03/11/2018 16:26

But he did answer you he said he had been listening to the radio in the other room. This seems to be backed up by the clock being plugged back in to the wrong socket. You chose not to believe him, maybe that pissed him off.

buzzlightyearandwoody · 03/11/2018 16:29

Him giving you flowers shows his remorse so have a conversation with him and then go from there.

slashlover · 03/11/2018 16:32

Then he laughed and said he was listening to the clock radio on the alarm (so obviously not true, who sits in a spare room listening to a clock radio?!)

He could have used the extension to listen to the radio while he was decorating upstairs though, especially if he has no electricity in the flat.

Vixxxy · 03/11/2018 16:32

If he has been living at yours, he should have been paying half the bills anyway, regardless of if he has a flat above or not. This whole thing is quite bizarre really and I don't know what to make of it. But its clearly annoyed you enough to split up with him. Whoever lives in the house/flat, pays their share of bills.

Grimbles · 03/11/2018 16:36

I noticed the clock was flashing and plugged into the 'wrong' socket

Which just means the clock was unplugged and then plugged back in

It doesn't mean the extension cable was plugged in.

Sashkin · 03/11/2018 16:42

I’d have dumped him over the cocklodging. No flat takes 2.5yrs to renovate, he is taking the piss re: living with you rent-free. He has no intention of selling his place and buying with you or he’d have made more progress than stripping the floors by now.

But yes the gaslighting would be the final straw. You’re “imagining” the extension plug? Fuck that. He is taking you for a complete mug.

LittleBearPad · 03/11/2018 16:44

This is utterly bizarre. A four year relationship thrown away over something so inconsequential

TooTrueToBeGood · 03/11/2018 16:47

I would not respond to a partner demanding to know what I'd used a plug socket in my home for

Neither would I. However, my definition of partner is either different from yours or you're not reading what the OP is telling us. He's not a partner, he's a freeloader. Evidently it wasn't enough for him to get his accomodation for free thanks to the OP's better nature, he decided to really take the piss and save on having to pay for electricity in his own flat, at her expense. If he thought it was a reasonable thing to do he would have talked it over with her first. The fact that he did it in an underhand manner is proof enough thst he new himself he was taking the piss.

BackInRed · 03/11/2018 16:49

My ex is a compulsive liar, he even lied about stupid stuff there was no reason to lie about. I swear towards the end if at midnight he'd told me it was dark outside I would have looked outside to verify it was.

So lying about stupid things when asked a simple question isn't a good sign.

BlancheM · 03/11/2018 16:50

Look, you don't need an excuse to dump someone if you don't want to be with them. This far-fetched scenario is ridiculous

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