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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Has my DP been stealing my electricity?

282 replies

Rugpulledfromunderme8 · 03/11/2018 13:19

This is my first post after much lurking and it might be a bit outing but sod it, frankly. Apologies if this is a bit long.
So, I've been with my (now-ex) DP for nearly four years and he lives in the flat above me (which is how me met).
He's been living with me with a view to selling his place and we were going to buy somewhere together.
We've had a few rows along the way but generally been living together ok for about two and a half years.
So, the past few mornings I've noticed that a double socket in the spare bedroom has been switched on. (With nothing plugged in) I work during the day and he's doing his flat up, so he's at home during the day.
Thought nothing of it, I plug my hairdryer into the neighbouring socket and thought I'd knocked it. Until today, when the alarm clock was flashing and plugged into the 'wrong' socket - indicating that it had been unplugged and plugged back in again. A long extension cable was under the bed. (the kind that wraps around a wheel type device, so really, really long)
I shouted through the bathroom door to ask what he'd been using the socket for. No answer. Then he laughed and said he was listening to the clock radio on the alarm (so obviously not true, who sits in a spare room listening to a clock radio?!)
Basically he refused to tell me what he'd been doing. Said I'd imagined it, it was me, he'd done nothing. I got so angry because it's blatantly obvious he's been using the socket for something and he won't tell me. I can't begin to imagine what he's been doing and why he won't tell me.
So I clearly can't trust him in my flat can I? I've asked him to move out.
He says I'm being unreasonable, clearly don't trust him and 'shouldn't' be living with someone when 'I'm not the sort to trust anyone in my house.'
Wtf? I'm shell shocked. AIBU? What has he been doing?

OP posts:
Rugpulledfromunderme8 · 03/11/2018 14:12

To everyone who keeps posting about me policing his electricity usage - he DOES NOT pay for the electricity - or anything else - in my flat. He still pays the bills for his. I was concerned he was also powering HIS flat from mine, without paying anything towards the bills. It's the dishonesty that really upsets me though, and that he won't admit what he's been doing.

OP posts:
SpottingTheZebras · 03/11/2018 14:12

He refuses to tell me what he has been using it for.

I think this is the real issue and now, as a result, you don’t trust him. If you don’t trust someone, even if others think it is minor or petty, I don’t see how you can happily continue in a relationship with them.

Rugpulledfromunderme8 · 03/11/2018 14:13

Yes @InsomniacAnonymous. That's it exactly. He became my ex after I discovered this and he refused to tell me what he'd been doing.

OP posts:
Regnamechanger · 03/11/2018 14:13

I understand I think Op. It's the deception isn't it? He won't answer a simple question and is being evasive. It's the principle. If he'd asked to use your electricity you might have said fine, but he didn't ask. I think if it was me it would have caused me to sit back and re-evaluate a lot of things. Like for example why he hadn't done the decent thing and suggested that he contribute fairly to all the bills in the flat you were both living in. I think you're well shot.

VaultDweller · 03/11/2018 14:13

This reply has been deleted

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SpottingTheZebras · 03/11/2018 14:13

@InsomniacAnonymous the OP confirms in her first post that he is now her ex and she asked him to move out because of this.

Witchesbritches · 03/11/2018 14:14

🤣 some of you clearly had a good night out last night 😂

OP

I got so angry because it's blatantly obvious he's been using the socket for something

...he LIVES (well, did at the time) there. Why shouldn’t he use the socket? When you live with someone it’s utterly fuckung barking to have to justify using a plug socket.

However...

He should have been paying his share of electricity (half of the bill after the line rental), council tax (the bit extra it costs when you’re not living there alone) etc

How long has he been unemployed for?

Why is it taking him so long to renovate a flat, if he’s not working?

SURELY you haven’t kicked him out after 4 years of being together, 2.5 years of which you were living together, simply because he wouldn’t tell you what he was doing with the extension lead and sockets? Surely?

InsomniacAnonymous · 03/11/2018 14:14

Do you love him? I would've thought you did if you'd been with him for 4 years and were planning to buy a place together. I can't imagine begrudging someone using 'my' electricity in a relationship like this. It's so odd.

MixedMaritalArts · 03/11/2018 14:14

Adjacent to the point - what were the units used on your last elec bill and what does the meter say now ? You need to avoid an unexpected surprise in your financial future and you may need to ask for a contribution to the next bill.

Alfie190 · 03/11/2018 14:15

I think the lying is the worst thing

To be honest I don't. My husband is paying all the bills at the moment as I am studying, but if he came home and started to quiz me about my electricity usage for the day, I wouldn't answer him either.

InsomniacAnonymous · 03/11/2018 14:15

SpottingTheZebras yes, but I just wanted her to make this absolutely clear because of the number of posters misunderstanding when he became her ex.

SpottingTheZebras · 03/11/2018 14:17

Oh, sorry, InsomniacAnonymous, I see.

Witchesbritches · 03/11/2018 14:18

I think the lying is the worst thing

What lying?

Bluntness100 · 03/11/2018 14:19

I'm concerned he may have been cut off and has been using my electricity to power his tools doing his place up

The only thing I know here is if you begrudge him the electricity to run some tools you'd be better off apart.

Seriously.

Rugpulledfromunderme8 · 03/11/2018 14:21

@Regnamechanger you've hit the nail perfectly on the head. If he'd asked I would not have begrudged it. It's the deception. I can't trust him again now.
To everyone else, it's not just about using the electricity he doesn't pay for it's the fact that he won't tell me what he's been doing. Why would you not just say, 'sorry, my power's been cut off and I needed it to run something upstairs.' Why try and turn it on me?
I think I should maybe go now as I don't think I've conveyed my issue very well. Apologies and thanks to everyone who responded.

OP posts:
Witchesbritches · 03/11/2018 14:21

If I was living with my partner, I’d bloody well refuse to justify myself as well if asked why I ha an extension lead or why I have used a plug socket. It’s crazy stuff.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 03/11/2018 14:25

The fact that he wouldn't tell you what the extension lead was for and told you you imagined it would have pissed me off. If he had nothing to hide he would have just told you what the lead was for.

Op, you need to check what your current electric bill is and compare your consumption with previous months, you will then be able to see if there has been an increase or spike in recent months. That will give you your answer.

Witchesbritches · 03/11/2018 14:26

I can’t trust him now

...because he won’t explain himself over an extension lead?

I’m beyond baffled.

InsomniacAnonymous · 03/11/2018 14:26

in the first post the OP says "Wtf? I'm shell shocked." I imagine her ex DP is too. The relationship has ended after 4 years over this. It's unfathomable to me. That's not how relationships work for most people.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 03/11/2018 14:27

This is hilarious. He could've used the extension lead for anything. He certainly isn't 'powering his flat' but may have charged or powered a thing with it.

Either way, you're bloody nuts and he's had a lucky escape!

Alfie190 · 03/11/2018 14:28

It's the deception

Seriously OP you are crackers. Not giving my husband a breakdown of what power sockets have been used and for what purpose is not deception. I do not expect to have to justify my electricity usage in my own home and I would refuse on principle.

It is your fault you didn't come to better financial arrangements.

Breaking up with someone because they don't / won't tell you what they use plug sockets for is just about the weirdest thing I have ever heard. He dodged a bullet.

MrsStrowman · 03/11/2018 14:29

I think you've overreacted hugely, so what if he was charging his tools, he was going to sell the flat to put towards a joint property. I agree with PPs he's dodged a bullet. You've leapt from finding an extension lead to he must be powering his entire flat off your electric, but he's not living there anyway so why would he even need power? You were there a couple of days ago and I would assume would have noticed if none of the lights etc worked (he can't run those off an extension . Then you've gone mad and grilled him about it, he told you he was listening to the radio in another room. This is one of the most batshit things I've heard on here.

HavelockVetinari · 03/11/2018 14:29

YANBU, OP. You're absolutely right when you say he should've asked or at least come clean when you asked a simple question. The fact that he lied and made out like it's you who's crazy is a classic example of gaslighting. Good that you found out now rather than when you'd bought a place together.

NoseTitZilla · 03/11/2018 14:30

How odd. What kind of stuff does he have in his flat OP? Is it empty?

And to PPs saying OP's XBF has dodged a bullet, he pays nothing towards bills, gaslights OP about what she's doing with her plug sockets and refuses to tell her what he's doing with an extra long extension lead in her own flat when she finds it. If I asked my DH why he had an extra long extension lead he'd tell me if he had nothing to hide.

Hadenoughofallthis · 03/11/2018 14:32

RTFT, ffs, they know they will be better off apart, which is why he is her ex!

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