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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Has my DP been stealing my electricity?

282 replies

Rugpulledfromunderme8 · 03/11/2018 13:19

This is my first post after much lurking and it might be a bit outing but sod it, frankly. Apologies if this is a bit long.
So, I've been with my (now-ex) DP for nearly four years and he lives in the flat above me (which is how me met).
He's been living with me with a view to selling his place and we were going to buy somewhere together.
We've had a few rows along the way but generally been living together ok for about two and a half years.
So, the past few mornings I've noticed that a double socket in the spare bedroom has been switched on. (With nothing plugged in) I work during the day and he's doing his flat up, so he's at home during the day.
Thought nothing of it, I plug my hairdryer into the neighbouring socket and thought I'd knocked it. Until today, when the alarm clock was flashing and plugged into the 'wrong' socket - indicating that it had been unplugged and plugged back in again. A long extension cable was under the bed. (the kind that wraps around a wheel type device, so really, really long)
I shouted through the bathroom door to ask what he'd been using the socket for. No answer. Then he laughed and said he was listening to the clock radio on the alarm (so obviously not true, who sits in a spare room listening to a clock radio?!)
Basically he refused to tell me what he'd been doing. Said I'd imagined it, it was me, he'd done nothing. I got so angry because it's blatantly obvious he's been using the socket for something and he won't tell me. I can't begin to imagine what he's been doing and why he won't tell me.
So I clearly can't trust him in my flat can I? I've asked him to move out.
He says I'm being unreasonable, clearly don't trust him and 'shouldn't' be living with someone when 'I'm not the sort to trust anyone in my house.'
Wtf? I'm shell shocked. AIBU? What has he been doing?

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 03/11/2018 13:52

So ask him to contribute to the bills if he's living with you

user1981287 · 03/11/2018 13:53

He's only an ex Soupdragon because she's just dumped him over the electricity socket!

Gemini69 · 03/11/2018 13:53

You are upset because your partner uses electricity in the flat he lives in

He lives with OP... but He's using OP's electricity to supply the power in HIS flat upstairs .. which is is renovating to sell... it sounds like he's is not paying for his own electricity...

OP I suggest you take yourself upstairs to the other flat and switch on the lights and see of they come on.... Grin

BigChocFrenzy · 03/11/2018 13:53

Are you sharing utility bills ? You should be
Has electricity gone up a lot ? Compare to your bills before he moved in
Do you have a smart meter ? If so, monitor this

It's not "just a few pence" for some things:
Years ago when my flat had a leak and I had to have drying equipment installed, the electricity was metered separately for insurance to repay - it was over £300 for under 3 weeks

Gemini69 · 03/11/2018 13:54

OMG he's an EX Hmm

I didn't pick up in that fact.... jesus OP what are you thinking Hmm

BigChocFrenzy · 03/11/2018 13:55

Xpost, I see you pay at least electricity - why aren't you sharing utilities ?
And food if he lives with you

Windgate · 03/11/2018 13:56

So your Ex has the flat above you. Dump all his stuff in or outside his flat. Change the lock on your flat and totally disengage.

user1981287 · 03/11/2018 13:57

OMG he's an EX

No he's an ex now because she just dumped him over the electricity

Rugpulledfromunderme8 · 03/11/2018 13:57

And it's not over a few pence of electricity. It's that I asked what I thought was a simple question and he refused to answer. It got me thinking he's got something to hide.
He does not contribute to the bills because he still pays the bills - electricity, council tax, insurance etc, etc - for his. I guess that makes me a mug but he contributes fairly to food, household stuff.

OP posts:
SassitudeandSparkle · 03/11/2018 13:57

He's not an ex, they were thinking of buying a place together. The OP has ended the relationship because she thinks he's been using the electricity in her flat where they both live.

I hope this isn't real!

InsomniacAnonymous · 03/11/2018 13:57

This is shocking, if you'll pardon the pun. You were going to buy a place together, have been with him for 4 years, living with him for 2 and a half years, but he's now your ex because he's been using your electricity to do up the flat he wants to sell so he can buy a place with you. Is that right? Good grief.

BigChocFrenzy · 03/11/2018 13:57

Bad enough if he's not even sharing bills while living in your flat,
but if you are also unknowingly paying for his flat 🤯

You need to sort out money, or kick out a cocklodger

Excited101 · 03/11/2018 13:57

Are you together anymore or not op?! None of this makes any sense!

hmmwhatatodo · 03/11/2018 14:01

What?

SaucyJack · 03/11/2018 14:02

“ I guess that makes me a mug”

No, not really.

You could and should have come to a fairer agreement re; paying for daily living costs in the flat you both happened to live in, but if he’s kept his flat on and done it up to sell with a view to fully investing the profits in your new shared house, then I don’t think it makes you a mug or him a cocklidger.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 03/11/2018 14:03
  • has been living with me for 2.5 years. His flat is empty - he's been doing it up.*

That's a very long time to be doing up a flat. You can build a house house in this time.

Cuttingthegrass · 03/11/2018 14:03

Hmmm there’s not many reasons to have a huge extension reel hidden under your spare bed. Who’s is the extension reel ?

Rugpulledfromunderme8 · 03/11/2018 14:04

To clarify - he had moved in with me while doing his flat up. He did not contribute to the bills because he still pays bills for his.
I asked him to leave because he has clearly been using the electricity I pay for to power something outside my flat and he refuses to tell me what.
I am concerned the power in his flat has been cut off and he is using the electricity - that only I pay for - to power his. He refuses to tell me what he has been using it for.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 03/11/2018 14:06

But I guess this must be the final straw for you in some way.

A couple who were happy to live together and share finances would not look at a plug socket that had been switched on and think anything other than the other person had been using it, and forgotten to switch it back off again (that’s if they bothered to think anything else at all)

MissLingoss · 03/11/2018 14:06

None of this makes any sense!

OP is paying for the electricity in her own flat. XBF lives there but doesn't contribute to the bill.

OP is also (possibly) paying for the electricity in XBF's own flat.

She has been paying for two lots of electricity, without her knowledge or agreement. He is paying for none.

Darkstar4855 · 03/11/2018 14:07

Why has it taken him 2.5 years to do the flat up? If he’s been living with you all this time why hasn’t he been contributing to YOUR bills? Surely utility bills for an empty flat are minimal?

Alfie190 · 03/11/2018 14:08

I am afraid I also think it is unreasonable to monitor the electricity usage of somebody who also lives in the flat.

Rugpulledfromunderme8 · 03/11/2018 14:08

Thanks @SaucyJack. That's how I had viewed things. We were together in my flat 'temporarily' before getting somewhere together. But yes, we should have sorted things out and come to a fairer agreement in terms of bills etc. Instead, I just let things slide along.
To other questions - the extension reel is his. I found it today.
And yes, he is taking a ridiculously long time to do his flat up! Well, he'll have a lot more time to do it now he's back living in it.

OP posts:
ThatsWotSheSaid · 03/11/2018 14:10

How odd. I think the lying is the worst thing.

InsomniacAnonymous · 03/11/2018 14:11

OP, can you clarify one thing please? You refer to him as your ex. Has he only recently become your ex because of this issue? Prior to discovering this, he was your DP and you were planning to buy a place together, once he'd done up and sold his flat upstairs?

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