Just given birth and hate everyone.

[DifferentD35]

I'm 12 days PP.

My emotions are all over the place.

DP driving me insane. I just want to leave with the baby for a bit. He keeps telling me when the baby cries and roots that he isn't hungry he just wants comfort (how can he possibly know that. 99% of the time he is rooting because he wants food). He then won't give him to me to feed him and just sits there watching him root around and whine. He told me I shouldn't always respond when he cries because he's doing it for attention, so I don't want to leave him on his own with DP because I know he won't sooth him when he's crying because he doesn't want to 'spoil him'. He's 12 days old ffs. He's generally doing my head in and I wish he was back at work already.

I have a 7 year old step daughter who is coming to stay next week. I'm feeling fragile and she is very full on when it comes to babies. She's met her brother twice and both times just wanted to hold him all the time. Absolutely fine and I love seeing them together. Same issue again. When baby cries, DP says she needs her time to hold him and he will be fine. I then have to sit there at 12 days post Partum listening to my baby cry for food because DP thinks that his DD holding him is more important. We should be teaching her that when he's hungry; she has to give him back and she can have cuddles after he's fed. She then looks at me after her dad had disagreed with me as if to say 'ha ha you're wrong' - she's 7 for goodness sake of course she's going to be happy her dad agreed with her but I feel so small.

I just can't stand anyone around me at the moment and want to hide in a corner with my baby and cry/feed him/get to know him.

AIBU? Am I being ridiculous? I'm so overwhelmed by everything and wish DP would just sod off back to work. I'm horrid, I know. I'm just a bit of a mess...

I feel really anxious and slightly tearful just reading your posts about how your partner won’t let you feed your baby when he cries

Me too! He’s a fucking idiot and I’m sitting here absolutley fuming on your behalf. I have a five week old so maybe I’m more sensitive at the moment.

Did he do any reading before the birth at all? Go to NCT? Do a bit of basic googling on newborns? Stupid fucking idiot.

Charolais

*You are in charge of your newborn baby not him. Tell him that.^

Gender roles have been all fucked up and he doesn't know his place. Yes, I said that. Deal with it.

Ha! Love it. So true, I 100% agree eventhough it’s not right on or woke or pc or whatever to say it. Human evolution doesn’t care about being gender equal 2018 though, infant physiology hasn’t altered in millennia and newborn infants and their mothers are a physical, emotional and hormonal diad and need to be in almost constant close physical contact for many many months

@Nothisispatrick no he didn't even stay in the room when the HV came. He went up stairs for a shower and told me I could tell him what she said.

And yes he sounds like a controlling bully OP please get some real life support

AIBU to think that when I go to sleep when baby is sleeping, that I should have baby sleeping with me? I can't physically sleep at the moment when my baby is downstairs and I'm upstairs. But I just don't know what's right or wrong anymore as DP has such skewed weird views.

No. You and the baby sleep together. And probably until 6 months, at least. I think you need to tell him no rather than any HV. She can back you up but you need to say no until he hears you. He’s behaving like a shit. I’m so sorry for your situation with your partner but congratulations on your little one xx

Well he’ll be back at work soon and you’ll have the day just you and your baby. Getting breastfeeding established is so hard, I gave up and we mix feed and I express milk. You’re doing a great job with it. Your partner needs to absolutley fuck off.

You follow your gut on this one. Tell him no, take the baby. WTF is he on?

Baby should sleep in the same room as you until at least 6 months, that includes day sleeping. He can just bloody google it if he does t believe you.

Your baby has been growing inside you for 9months. When your baby cries, he needs his mum. As his mum, you need to hold him and feed him. Id’ve punched my DH in the face if he dared to keep me from my babies. You need to toughen up and tell him to piss off. Get health visitor on your side to have a word with him. If you can get friends, family or anyone to support you, get them to come. Don’t be bullied by a 7 yr old either. I’m so sorry you’re going 5hrough this. At this time you need to just be with your baby.

Yes it’s completely normal for the baby to sleep in a crib next to you.
It’s not the same guy who was insisting on ‘Bonding’ time alone with the baby is it?

Op some men become controlling/abusive after their partners have given birth. Please be aware of this. That's when women are most vulnerable. Can you speak to midwife tonight? Do you have any friends who could come and be with you for a bit for moral support? You shouldn't need to spend the weekend feeling like this.

Would MIL be helpful in this? Your baby needs to be with you. You grew him. He's known nothing but you for his entire life. The whole thing is making me feel anxious and angry on your behalf OP.



Is he being such a twat because he's 'done it before' and therefore knows everything?

He clearly doesn't understand how you establish a milk supply if you can't feed your baby when he's asking for food.

And if you want your baby beside you, on you or whatever, that's what should happen.

Please get you HV to speak to him.

Same @briolover. I feel anxious for op and disgusted and angry at her oh.

One of my friends rented a holiday home for a week when she couldn't handle her twat DP anymore. Maybe an idea? They worked on their problems after that. The week gave her the peace she needed and the realisation that she didn't need DP to bring up a baby, she just loved him. He realised that she was bloody serious and he should man up. They worked it out after that. Their relationship is far from perfect but better than it was.

Oh, and when your DSD is there, make sure she gets plenty of daddy/daughter time. Tell him it's to make sure she doesn't feel displaced by the baby - make sure she's not left entirely to you.

And she only has cuddles when you allow. If you want your baby back you just take him

Oh dear, he is making this very hard job of parenting 100 times harder.
You sound at the end of your tether.
Phone your health visitor and tell her what you have said here. Get her to come round and back you up as you tell your dp to back off. Can you get a friend or family to help?
This is your tiny helpless baby you need to protect here. Find that inner tiger mum.
Good luck we are here.

Your new born baby will be using your breathing as a 'metronome', a way to tune into your breathing to help him take regular breaths. That is why they say that babies should sleep near the mother for the first six months.

Your partner knows jack shit about the needs of a baby.

You have these instincts for a reason, they help to keep your baby safe.

Keep your baby safe, keep her close and tell him to fuck off with his controlling shit.

When you are ready you may need to review this relationship.

He needs to be there for you, he needs to 'hold' you whilst you 'hold' your baby, holding meaning supporting, nuturing, loving.

Yanbu, ltb!

As others have said, baby should be with you when sleeping. I presume from what you've said that you are breastfeeding? Lots of people who are unfamiliar with breastfed babies think that they should eat as often as formula fed babies do. This is wrong and can lead to supply drying up and baby being both upset and failing to thrive. Breastfed babies eat far more often, particularly in the early days. Tell him to get his head out of his backside and actually do the research. Be strong, OP. Good luck x

God this makes me anxious on your behalf - he's making you fight your instincts which are real, powerful and embedded by millenia of child rearing because they tell you what your child needs. Get help, & when you're stronger, get a lawyer and get shot.

OP, I think you are so upset and angry as your instincts are (rightly) telling you one thing but your Dp is making you doubt yourself.
At this stage, being responsive to your baby is ssooo important for them developing a sense that they ar e loved and cared for , and also for establishing milk supply.
Also when babies are so young they have not developed a sense of cause and effect yet. At that young age they cry because they are unhappy (hungry, sore, lonely) and they stop crying when that need is met. They do not , however, realise that it’s their actions that have brought about this change (iykwim).

I wholeheartedly agree with @CountFosco, and this was pretty much the advice my midwife gave me after my first.
Good luck - you sound like a lovely mum and that you know what’s best for your baby xx

Get rid of this man!!! You and baby together 24/7 in the early days. Till about 4 months I say !!

As a PP has said is this the same knobhead who keeps taking the baby away straight after feeds and shutting the door for “bonding time” if so I think he’s a controlling .@&^%#*