Just given birth and hate everyone.

[DifferentD35]

I'm 12 days PP.

My emotions are all over the place.

DP driving me insane. I just want to leave with the baby for a bit. He keeps telling me when the baby cries and roots that he isn't hungry he just wants comfort (how can he possibly know that. 99% of the time he is rooting because he wants food). He then won't give him to me to feed him and just sits there watching him root around and whine. He told me I shouldn't always respond when he cries because he's doing it for attention, so I don't want to leave him on his own with DP because I know he won't sooth him when he's crying because he doesn't want to 'spoil him'. He's 12 days old ffs. He's generally doing my head in and I wish he was back at work already.

I have a 7 year old step daughter who is coming to stay next week. I'm feeling fragile and she is very full on when it comes to babies. She's met her brother twice and both times just wanted to hold him all the time. Absolutely fine and I love seeing them together. Same issue again. When baby cries, DP says she needs her time to hold him and he will be fine. I then have to sit there at 12 days post Partum listening to my baby cry for food because DP thinks that his DD holding him is more important. We should be teaching her that when he's hungry; she has to give him back and she can have cuddles after he's fed. She then looks at me after her dad had disagreed with me as if to say 'ha ha you're wrong' - she's 7 for goodness sake of course she's going to be happy her dad agreed with her but I feel so small.

I just can't stand anyone around me at the moment and want to hide in a corner with my baby and cry/feed him/get to know him.

AIBU? Am I being ridiculous? I'm so overwhelmed by everything and wish DP would just sod off back to work. I'm horrid, I know. I'm just a bit of a mess...

Thanks everyone. Not sure what to say... just thank you. I'm going to contact my health visitor tomorrow or on Monday if she doesn't work weekends.

I feel really anxious and slightly tearful just reading your posts about how your partner won’t let you feed your baby when he cries. And my baby is 12 years old!

That’s how we are wired - we are programmed to react like this and to want to pick up and comfort our child. You are normal and your partner is quite odd for trying to stop you doing it. The fact that he thinks a newborn baby is trying to manipulate your is seriously weird.

I’d worry about what other odd ideas he might have about parenting and insist that you follow them.

@DifferentD35 if you do what @DontCallMeCharlotte said, I will definitely go over and comment as I'm sure with others. And you can show him

and (((hugs))) op, follow your instinct and tell him to fuck off with his dr spock bullshit.

So what if he's rooting for comfort? (not that i agree with that, food and comfort are likely the same thing to a baby anyway) its not much to ask - feed, clean, sleep, cuddles. Thats babies.

So angry on your behalf. How fucking dare he mansplain breastfeeding to you. Feed feed feed and feed some more. And tell him to get to fuck.
Congratulations on your lovely new baby.

What a jackass! Cannot believe him but I would not ever stand for his or step daughter’s behavior at all! Honest to god I’d be tempted to throw him out with his daughter or leave and go spend time in a hotel for awhile. No new mother needs this ignorance. For clarification I wouldn’t put up with dsd’s constant grabbiness of the baby one or two holdings a day

Roll on him being back at work how awful for you!! No, no and three times no, he should not be behaving like that!! You poor thing!!

Also your supply is aided by the feeding so he’s interrupting this

I would not wait for the HV at all and just take your baby from him and feed him / her whenever

I feel really sorry for you OP. He should be doing all he can to support you to sit, feed and cuddle your baby as much as you possibly can. It’s so important for all the family.

Stand up for yourself and your baby OP, you won’t regret it. Good luck.

He is an utter idiot. As a midwife I'd have no issue telling him he needs to hand the baby over to feed and that overstimulation by being 'passed around' just sets you up for a night of howling once all the people have gone home. They are not a parcel.

HV don't usually work weekends but midwives do and at day 12 you'd be well within your rights to call your local community team even if they've discharged you.

YANBU!!

When my baby would cry the milk would rush in and my breasts would be like boulders. No wonder women used to keep men well away from mothers and babies, traditionally. They have to throw their weight around even when they know absolutely nothing about it, and don't have the physical parts involved.

Tell him to fuck the fuck off.

When my baby would cry the milk would rush in and my breasts would be like boulders. No wonder women used to keep men well away from mothers and babies, traditionally. They have to throw their weight around even when they know absolutely nothing about it, and don't have the physical parts involved.

Tell him to fuck the fuck off.

When my baby would cry the milk would rush in and my breasts would be like boulders. No wonder women used to keep men well away from mothers and babies, traditionally. They have to throw their weight around even when they know absolutely nothing about it, and don't have the physical parts involved.

Tell him to fuck the fuck off.

Take it from a mother of three, BFing is a magic reset button. Baby hungry: BFing solves it, baby needs comfort: BFing solves it, baby tired: BFing solves it, baby thirsty: BFing solves it, baby cold: BFing solves it, baby constipated: BFing solves it, baby got conjunctivitis: BM squirted in the eye solves it. You get the idea. By the time I got to DC3 I put him on the boob every time he squeaked. Most useful tool in your parenting arsenal at that stage.

Unlike your DP, who is being an arse.

I would talk to your HV and ask her to meet him and explain things

I say this in the nicest possible way OP. Stop being a pushover and tell him, in no uncertain terms, to fuck off. In whatever polite way you choose. Your husband is a dick. Your baby should be spending 85% of the next 4-6 weeks with you.

OP only read your posts but you absolutely CANNOT spoil a newborn baby

I remember this is emphasised repeatedly in the newborn feeding booklet they give you in pregnancy.... do you have that booklet? I think it’s national.

There is so much research to support responding lovingly being g needed for optimum development, let me see what saved links I can dig out for you

Establishing breast feeding is hard enough without someone flinging all these extra barriers in your path.

Just getting yourself through these first few days is hard enough, come to that.

My emotions were so intense, and all over the place. It is hard to deal with all this stuff at any time, but right now everything feels so heightened and just... upsetting.

I hope you get your dp back being more helpful soon, but either way, if you find that your mood isnt great, do speak to your hv or GP. They can help, even if that’s just one bit of the whole picture...

Good luck, it sounds like you are doing a great job!

3rd baby here - currently 14 days old and so I know how fragile you feel. Babies cry when they need something. It's usually because they want food, a clean nappy or are tired and sometimes they might be hot/cold. Sometimes they do want comfort BUT if the baby continues to cry then clearly they are NOT feeling comforted, either because they are with the wrong person or because they don't want comforting, they want something else.

I'm not surprised you're looking forward to him going back to work. Rest assured that usually people learn over time. We let our first cry it out for about 15 minutes at 2 days old because people said we would spoil her otherwise. We recoil in horror now!!

I agree that the HV is a good approach. Something like "we're not too sure about whether baby crying/rooting means they're hungry or wanting comfort, how do we tell?" in front of DH and then giving the HV a sly word later explaining what's going on....or speaking to the HV separately on the phone to pre warn her of the situation.

Finally, you grew your child in you. If you want to take your baby and go upstairs because you don't want them crying then do it. You have every right!

Get your “D”H to read these for starters

www.scarymommy.com/even-science-agrees-you-literally-cant-spoil-baby/?utm_source=FBOnsite

www.sciencealert.com/cuddling-babies-alters-genetics-dna-for-years

www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2015/01/baby-brains-development-first-year/

Google 4th trimester, show him and tell him to get stuffed and do something useful. He really shouldn’t be ‘withholding’ the baby from you. Just take your little baby back any time you want.

OP reading your thread makes me teeth itch, how dare your dp keep your baby from you. Babies aren’t attention seeking at that age, they need all the time and attention you can give them. They won’t ever feed if not hungry or cry for the sake of it (although some might feel like it).

Ring your HV on the quiet and explain what’s going on. My HV was like the old style matron I’m hoapitals and wasn’t backwards at coming forwards and would have happily told my dh where to get off if. I’d told her what you’ve said. HV are well versed in putting over enthusiastic dads into their places and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.

And finally congratulations

Tell him to look up 4th trimester. He's being a controlling bully.
Can you reschedule having his dd over to stay while you are still getting used to baby.? It will be difficult handling a new born baby and a 7 year old.

I'm so exhausted. I've even been staying up during the day. I want to sleep when baby sleeps but I want baby to be in the crib next to me because he then wakes up and needs feeding. DP thinks I should sleep upstairs and baby should stay downstairs with him. It's wrong. I can't sleep if my baby is downstairs. Instinctively I need my baby close to me and I need to know I can feed him as soon as he stirs. I'm so fed up!