To expect fairytale love?
mermaid30 · 02/11/2018 04:47
So I guess everyones dream in love is for it to be like a fairytale. But mine's not. I met my partner online and everything was great for the first 9 months - I thought this was it. Then he lied to me about something. He's very tight, he's very selfish. He sometimes doesn't take no for an answer if u get my drift. He's so close to his mom, which is nice but also he will tell her things first before me. That upsets me sometimes.
He doesnt really like my family and runs them down a lot. This really hurts me.
On the other hand he can be really genuine and kind.
Weve been together about 19 months and have talked about marriage and children although he won't move in with me yet, he says minimum 2 years dating before any of that happens.....
I love him but I also have nagging doubts. Is my view of love unreasonable??
I'm 30 in a couple of months.... I'm worried about the whole dating scene again?! And I would like children but time is running out for me.
I'm feeling really confused at the moment ☹
Aquamarine1029 · 02/11/2018 04:50
Then he lied to me about something. He's very tight, he's very selfish. He sometimes doesn't take no for an answer if u get my drift.
You really need to ask if you should stay with him? You're 30, not an ignorant school girl. You already know you should leave him so do it. Dump him and never look back.
tsonlyme · 02/11/2018 04:50
He sometimes doesn’t take no for an answer if u get my drift
Is he hurting you, mermaid?
Alfie190 · 02/11/2018 04:52
He sometimes doesn’t take no for an answer if you get my drift?
No, I don’t get your drift.
I would not describe my marriage as a fairytale as it seems a bit childish. But I am happily married to a good man who treats me well.
Monty27 · 02/11/2018 04:54
The dating scene is the worst of your problems.
Getting rid of the ass currently in your life is your priority.
How old did you say you are?
mermaid30 · 02/11/2018 04:54
No he's not hurting me...
The thought of not being with him is upsetting but the thought of being with him forever is very overwhelming.
I just want a man who will love me unconditionally, be kind and generous and caring with a positive attitude.
He always wants things 50/50. It gets tiring. I cant even have a drop more beer than him or a bit more food on my plate than him. Its ridiculous!!
When i try and talk about him being selfish, his response is 'we all are. You're not perfect yourself are you?' .....
KC225 · 02/11/2018 04:56
Fairytale love is a fantasy and not real. But being treated with love care and respect is a necessity is very real and you don't seem to have that. What do you love about this mean, selfish, liar who puts your family down and doesn't take no for an answer - what does that mean? Is it nagging, or assault?
Do you really imagine this relationship will improve by moving in or having a baby. Its won't. Let his mother have him back, Polish up your self respect and find someone who loves and respects you properly.
Good luck OP.
toherdoor · 02/11/2018 04:57
Get rid of him op. There's a massive difference between fairy tale love and being with a cunt. I don't know if fairy tale love is a thing, but a respectful, joyous relationship is.
Peridot1 · 02/11/2018 04:59
Well there is ‘fairytale’ love and being with someone who is just not nice. And your boyfriend is just not nice. He’s selfish, mean, critical, a mummy’s boy, ‘doesn’t take no for an answer’ - which I assume means he forces you to have sex when you have said no which is rape.
Fairytale love is a bit unrealistic but what you have is not love at all.
He will get worse. And if you marry him and have children it will be so much harder than it needs to be.
Alfie190 · 02/11/2018 05:04
I find your talk of fairytales and unconditional love a bit odd. Relationships are not unconditional, only love for a child is unconditional. In a relationship you do not love unconditionally, if I am cheated on or treated badly say, then my DH cannot expect me to continue to love him.
Anyway it is quite clear that this one is not a keeper.
ToesInWater · 02/11/2018 05:07
If alarm bells are ringing now (and if they aren't they should be) why the hell would you waste another year of your life until this selfish man child deigns to move in with you, unless you are have zero self esteem get out now.
Vitalogy · 02/11/2018 05:08
Then he lied to me about something. He's very tight, he's very selfish. This will more than likely get worse if you have children with him.
Mummyoflittledragon · 02/11/2018 05:21
You sound miserable. That’s not love. Please don’t marry this idiot or have children with him. Selfish people make very poor parents. Don’t get caught up in the sunken cost fallacy.
This man sounds like scum. He doesn’t take no for an answer. I read this as he wants sex, you say no then he pesters you until you submit saying yes when you mean no. This sounds a lot like rape. So actually he thinks you should have everything on equal terms...... unless it’s sex. Fucking massive red flag.
I’ve been with dh a long time. He is generous and paid for our first date. He invited me out. We went on holiday together soon after meeting. He had almost twice as much money as me. So we spent his money when mine ran out. We have always shared money. That’s a true partnership.
There is no such thing as fairy tale unconditional love between partners. I used to dream of being swept up by Prince Charming as a teen. This was a reflection of my home life.
As for your age and fertility. You’re 30. You do still have time to find a man, who truly cares about you. Please get rid of this specimen.
Jellycatspyjamas · 02/11/2018 05:24
He sometimes doesn't take no for an answer if u get my drift.
This is an absolute dealbreaker. Doesn’t matter what it is, your “no” should be respected. If you mean he continues to have sex with you after you’ve said no, he has raped you. Even if you eventually got into it and even got pleasure from it, he raped you. Get some support from relevant agencies and kick his ass to the curb.
Mokepon · 02/11/2018 05:25
Real "fairytale" is finding someone who shares your fundamental values even if you don't agree on absolutely everything.
It's respecting someone and accepting them as they are. I am of course reffering to minor flaws or bad habits not the childish behaviour you describe.
It's knowing that the person you are with will stick by you, wipe up your puke, see you at your worst and not bat an eyelid.
Of course you want a spark and the excitement of attraction and sexual desire but real love, proper love is so much more than that.
Being swept off your feet may be all well and good but it won't last forever and is not always the basis for a LTR.
However, you are less than 2 years in. The guy just sounds like a loser. If he is showing you who he is now, good. Imagine 5, 10 years on? Imagine him being a father, will his needs has to take precedence over your childs? Get rid. 30 is nothing.
Find your guy who will treat you like a queen. 👸
Blanchedupetitpois · 02/11/2018 06:41
bloody hell. Never mind fairy tale love, how about just somebody not being an abusive cunt?
Your expectations are not unrealistic - he sounds absolutely horrible. Why would you marry him? No good could come of this. You deserve so, so much better.
cheesefield · 02/11/2018 06:44
If this is him NOW then don't marry him ffs! Move on. He's a cunt.
proseccoandbooks · 02/11/2018 06:45
Ok so: you can't say no, you can't live together (only on his terms and when HE wants), he's tight (a life time of 50/50 to EVERYTHING? hell no.), he has an AMAZING relationship to his mother and he tells her things before you (this is the real dealbreaker for me! It's horrible!)
Why; OP? Why?
IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 02/11/2018 06:47
Perhaps park the fairytale expectations for now and just settle for someone who doesn’t rape you or begrudge you an extra carrot on your plate!
Tattybear16 · 02/11/2018 06:48
Run, run fast. He sounds a right controlling prick. Is this what you want for the rest of your life. It’s wearing you down now, imagine what it will be like in 10 years time. Fairy tale love, just look for someone who cares about you, that would be a good start.
PositiveVibez · 02/11/2018 06:52
Oh my word. Fuck him off and do it asap.
He sounds like an absolute pig of a man.
Fairytale love is just that. A fairytale.
Real relationships are built on a foundation of mutual respect and trust.
He has lied. He is coercive. He speaks ill of your family. He is tightfisted.
Everyone deserves better than this.
Scarier to be back on the dating scene than settling for this pig.
PositiveVibez · 02/11/2018 06:53
Scarier to be back on the dating scene than settling for this pig
BETTER, not scarier
theonetowalkinthesun · 02/11/2018 06:54
You're only 30! You've got time to find someone you deserve!
MidnightAura · 02/11/2018 06:57
Have my first ever LTB.
Does he have any redeeming features? He sounds awful. Please do not settle for this, you deserve better!
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