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To expect fairytale love?

143 replies

mermaid30 · 02/11/2018 04:47

So I guess everyones dream in love is for it to be like a fairytale. But mine's not. I met my partner online and everything was great for the first 9 months - I thought this was it. Then he lied to me about something. He's very tight, he's very selfish. He sometimes doesn't take no for an answer if u get my drift. He's so close to his mom, which is nice but also he will tell her things first before me. That upsets me sometimes.
He doesnt really like my family and runs them down a lot. This really hurts me.

On the other hand he can be really genuine and kind.

Weve been together about 19 months and have talked about marriage and children although he won't move in with me yet, he says minimum 2 years dating before any of that happens.....

I love him but I also have nagging doubts. Is my view of love unreasonable??

I'm 30 in a couple of months.... I'm worried about the whole dating scene again?! And I would like children but time is running out for me.

I'm feeling really confused at the moment ☹

OP posts:

dontalltalkatonce · 02/11/2018 08:04

You are far too immature to have children if you 'expect fairy tale love'. Time is not running off. You'd have to be a complete idiot to stay with this abusive bastard, this guy is as bad as the drug addict boyfriend on another thread. What is it with people whose bar is set so low a flea could limbo under it? He's a cunt. Dump him. Start building up to have a child on your own.


toherdoor · 02/11/2018 08:06

Please don't bring children into a relationship with a shitty dad. There's enough of that. Don't force this guy on innocent kids.


NotANotMan · 02/11/2018 08:08

Of course you need to end it. Fairytale love isn't real but genuine love and respect is not. You deserve to be treated with respect.

When you say he doesn't take no for an answer do you mean sex?


onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 02/11/2018 08:09

Don't be me.
I ended up married to a man I had serious doubts about beforehand but thought I'd be able to deal with him or very naively and stupidly thought I could change him.
Once we were married and I had two children by him that was when I realised how seriously trapped I was.
I felt utter despair at the thought of spending the rest of my life with him and knew I had to get out.
I got out but it was messy and he made it incredibly difficult for me - it was a dreadful time.
Don't do what I did - I have two lovely children who I adore but I will always regret that I wasn't able to give them a family life with two parents who stayed together. I know it has affected them.


WitchesHatRim · 02/11/2018 08:13

I just want a man who will love me unconditionally

Oh OP that is never going to happen because it doesn't exist within partnerships. I love my DH to bits but I would have my red lines.

Fairytale love is not real, but you deserve to be treated 100% better tgan he is treating you.


trojanpony · 02/11/2018 08:22

I know i have to get out, i just feel a bit trapped at the moment.

It’s good you know you need to leave.
Genuine question: Why do you feel trapped?
You don’t live together, a couple of boxes of stuff dropped at your house and vice Verda and it’s all over and you are free.
Is it fear of being alone / fear of perceived “failure”?
What’s holding you back?


dontalltalkatonce · 02/11/2018 08:37

You are not trapped.


PurpleFlower1983 · 02/11/2018 08:41

Get rid, you deserve better. You’re in a good position in that you’re not tied to him in any way anyway. 30 isn’t old. I met my DH when I was 31, I’m 35 now and we’re married with a baby on the way. He taught me what relationships should be like, you will find someone to do the same.


ShatnersWig · 02/11/2018 08:45

Mermaid You were here a month ago about this selfish arsehole. We all told you to finish it then. You really don't need to ask us all again. The answers are the same.

You know what you need to do rather than come back here in another month asking the same question. We're none of us going to change our minds on this.


MawkishTwaddle · 02/11/2018 08:49

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad I could have written your post.

My XH 'wouldn't take no for an answer' on our wedding night. I'm still recovering from that betrayal 21 years later.

Men like that are utter bastards, and I think they only show their true colours when the ring is on, the vows are said and the deal is sealed.

My bastard actually said, 'You made a vow and I'm holding you to it' when I said I wanted to leave. It took me five years to get rid of him - 15 years after that awful wedding.

OP - he's not going to change - except he'll get worse. You're not trapped. Walk away - today.


TurkeyBear · 02/11/2018 08:52

You're not being a martyr staying with him OP. You're being a little pathetic because you clearly know he is an arse and this relationship isn't normal, healthy or good. Put on your big girl pants and leave. You're 30 not 13.


KarrisWhiteOak · 02/11/2018 08:56

I’ve got to add to the chorus of leave. This can only get worse.

He’s isolating you from your family already and it’s gearing up to be a very controlling relationship.

You’ll need help to escape his clutches.


gilchrist168 · 02/11/2018 08:57

I just read the link Shatner drew attention to.Hmm

So, you posted about him before, it was the anniversary of your Dad's death, this man took you out for a meal, and expected you to pay half?

A month has gone by and you are still canvassing opinion?

The man sounds horrible and controlling. Get rid. He won't change, and neither will anyone's advice to you.

Have some self respect and move on.


mermaid30 · 02/11/2018 09:03

@shatnerswig youre right!!

But for every stupid thing he does, hes kind and considerate 80% of the time too. Im very conflicted. Do I think there's a better man out there for me? I'd like to think so but I just don't know.
I feel fat, ugly and a complete failure atm.

OP posts:

TheGirlOnTheLanding · 02/11/2018 09:04

Don't let the ticking of your biological clock drown out the alarm bells. You are not trapped but if you have a child with this man you will be. Find someone who treats you better.


Luxembourgmama · 02/11/2018 09:09

I broke up with my shitty ex at 30. I met my fairytale hubby at 32 and were blissfully happy 5 years later. Best thing I ever did. I didn't believe that fairytale relationships existed but they do and I have one.


ShatnersWig · 02/11/2018 09:10

Do I think there's a better man out there for me?

Um, why do you think everyone on both your threads says you should end this relationship now while you are still 30 and have years to find the right man?


blackteasplease · 02/11/2018 09:12

There is a wide spectrum of decent people in happy, functioning relationships far removed from yhis abusive man. The absence of abuse is not a "fairytale".


Fridaydreamer · 02/11/2018 09:13

@mermaid30 you can’t see it but this relationship is very bad. I promise you, you are signing up to a life of unhappiness if you don’t get out. There is so much better out there.


Beingginger · 02/11/2018 09:19

Just think about having children with this man and when you’re relationship breaks down what a absolute nightmare this man will be.
You will spend years being ground down by him and fighting over the children. Why would you want that for yourself?


LizzieSiddal · 02/11/2018 09:20

If you stay with this man you will deeply regret it once any dc come along. Do you want your DC to have a father who is mean, selfish and tells lies?!

You have plenty of time to find another person and have children with them. I know lots of women who start their families in late thirties/early forties.


MawkishTwaddle · 02/11/2018 09:22

OP you feel 'fat, ugly and a complete failure' because you're in a relationship with someone who is crushing your self-esteem.

Dump and move on. Let his mother have him.


TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 02/11/2018 09:32

OP, please open your eyes. The man is a narcissist, and worse, a RAPIST I suspect though you would probably make excuses for him.

Saying YES to sex to avoid the possibility of your partner becoming something you don't want to to accept he is....

Walking on eggshells, suffering emotional abuse and probably financial abuse in the future (the fact he won't 'let' you have more food than him is a red flag)

Leave him. 40 year old you will look back and wonder why the fuck 30 year old you didn't get out while you were still young.


Popc0rn · 02/11/2018 09:35

There's a good article called "love is not enough" that sums up why putting someone on a pedestal and seeing love as a "fairytale" is actually a really bad idea:

Leave him OP, it'll get worse not better, and you deserve better than this.


PositiveVibez · 02/11/2018 09:39

You aren't trapped physically. You are trapped in your own mind because of your self esteem issues.

You don't live together, you have no joint assets, you have no children together.

Make a break and I can assure you, you will realise you are better than the shitty life he is offering you.

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