To expect fairytale love?

By your view of yourself...I mean how you view yourself.

You describe yourself as a natural empath. You cast yourself in the role of a person who lives to make others happy. It's not a good thing. You are choosing to give up the power and choice in your own life. It's essentially a cop out. You aren't a victim or stood on the sidelines of your own life. Doing things because it makes other people happy, even if you aren't happy, is a choice you are making.

You view yourself as an empath. You view yourself as someone who only gets happiness from making other happy. You are not an empath. That's what you have chosen to label yourself. Rather than understanding that your behaviour is unhealthy and trying to balance it.

It can be much much nicer than that. You've time on your side for a family but he's not going to change and he doesn't sound like much of a father figure. Or even a particularly nice person! I'd been married for a long time and even though separated my XH didn't make snarky comments or do me down. My new partner of a year is nothing but loving respectful and generous. Decent guys are out there. This isn't one.

Do yourself and your future babies a favour and get rid.

This man is actually done something good for you.
He has warned you exactly how he will treat you if you marry him and have children.
He has demonstrated that his feelings - mental and physical - override yours.

You should accept his warnings and leave.

There is nothing stopping you from breaking up with him. He sounds awful.
That said you will not find a partner to love you unconditionally.That is not the job of any partner, nor should it be.
And giving away your necklace to some woman who liked it is very sweet but also kind of screams that you have deep need to please and be liked. There's a line between nice and friendly, and doormat.

I'll tell you what fairytale this ISN'T - Beauty and the Beast. He's not going to turn into a Prince due to your selfless giving love. He's a beast and he's showing you he's a beast.

What you describe as being an 'empath', is really that from an early age you learned to anticipate the needs of others in order to survive (in one way or another). You were programmed to believe that others were more important than you, and that your needs, wants and desires were unimportant. You have no boundaries, have no idea what is your responsibility and what isn't because of that. You have learned helplessness, because you have no idea of how to be autonomous. What do YOU like? What are your plans for YOUR life? why are you clinging on to someone who treats you so badly?

Most of all, how the hell will you meet a decent bloke while you waste your time with this one? In 10 years' time you will be 40, whether you leave this man or not. If you stay with him, you KNOW you will be unhappy. If you leave, you have a good chance of being happy, either with someone else, many someone else's or single.

He isn't kind he is appeased.

You will spend your life putting his happiness above your own to earn is "kindness".

I'm really glad this thread has opened your eyes because you deserve more than that.

I agree withChristmas, to me it screams you are way too eager to please.

This reminds me of myself about four years ago, just before I had my big light bulb moment about my boundaries and my people pleasing ways. It was December and I got a cold caller on the door to offer house security alarm installations. We had a chat (as I had considered getting one) and he said he’ll be back in few days time to do a proper survey. In the meantime I researched reviews about the company and it became evident they would have been a very expensive choice. Yet, I was making all sorts of justifications for the cost and badly wanted to be that nice customer who can improve his commission just before Christmas. Absolutely bonkers and luckily I came to my senses before signing up on anything But since then I started to be more mindful of my people pleasing ways.

Good luck mermaid and keep us updated

Yes good luck!x

How long are you stuck with him in Thailand OP?

Personally, I could not be with a man who insists on splitting the dinner bill all the time. Massive turn off - ugh! If he can’t treat you now, in the dating phase, imagine what it would be like in ten years when you have several kids. He’ll have no concept of family money or supporting you through pregnancy or maternity leave. If you become a SAHM or have to cut your hours he’ll always make you feel indebted to him, no matter what you do.

These are small-minded, petty men. Get rid.

30 is still young - at least you’re not 40!

I just smiled to read your last post, OP.
Well done!

glad you found your balls
Really happy to hear your update

Hope the holiday isn’t too awkward and you don’t lose your nerve when you get back to Blighty

(If it's not already been said...)

HE'S SHOWN YOU WHO HE IS....SO BELIEVE HIM THE FIRST TIME!

he is not 'the one' and you can absolutely do better, you deserve better.
Being single if better than what you describe, which is awful.

Sethis are you serious? Do you know how disgustingly offensive your post is? If you think so little of Thailand and Thai people, don’t go there. I could go into every one of your statements but I don’t see the point as you clearly think it’s acceptable to speak like that about a whole country full of people, I don’t think I can change that! Just keep your racist and stereotypical opinions to yourself. Sorry OP, not wanting to derail but couldn’t let that slide.

Generosity and chivalry is something I really value and appreciate in a man and your DP seems to be defunct in both. He will only get worse. I say give yourself a better chance with a batter guy. Good luck OP.

I repeat. I have been there. My friends and family have worked there. One of my current colleagues is married to a Thai woman and she says, verbatim, what I posted above.

So by all means, disagree with my point of view, but don't call me racist.

I don't know anything about you, OP, but it's completely abnormal to give a stranger your jewellery because they said they liked it. This does not sound like someone who has travelled the world and is wise to every kind of scam. It makes you sound like a little girl, on top of your posts about fairy tale love. So why are you blaming me for taking you to be what you're presenting yourself as?

Ah, because you disagree with my point of view, and my opinion, and my experiences are different to yours.... that makes me narrow minded?

Interesting.

I thought it just meant we had different points of view, and could agree to disagree, or find a middle ground and compromise.

For the record, I've worked in many different countries inside and outside the EU, and lived for years in Africa, which is a continent I treasure more than I can say. I'm typing this from another country as we speak, because I work outside the UK for 9 months a year. However I don't believe that any country is perfect, or better than all the others. Every country has problems.

Me having a low opinion of a country based on my own experiences, and the experiences of people I respect and trust, doesn't make me racist, and it doesn't make you right and me wrong. Me being in the minority on this thread doesn't make me wrong. It just means we have different perspectives.

If you can't tolerate other people taking part in a discussion when they articulate an opinion different to your own, then I'll happily leave you in peace.

I honestly and truly wish you the best with getting rid of your partner.

@sethis

Referring to the OP as a clueless Farang sounds horribly racist and incredibly disrespectful to Thai people.

OP you sound like a woman who knows what she wants and the bloke you are currently with ain't it. Good luck with unshackling yourself from him and meanwhile enjoy Thailand.