Daughter dragged on floor by Entertainer

[Diamondangel8]

My 8 year old was at School today and it was Pirate Day so they had an pretend pirate come in and do some activities. She has been in tears this evening saying the class was in a circle and he came up and frightened her and grabbed her by the foot then proceeded to drag her on the floor so she was on her back in front of every one being dragged around. She said it was supposed to be a joke but she was scared and it hurt her back. Is it me? Aibu? I'm extremely concerned.

If I said I was hurt and upset by the disproportionate rudeness I’ve experienced on this thread, would that be grounds for outrage?

No, because you tried to dismiss a parent being concerned about something that had upset their child because you had been to gawp at people less fortunate, frankly people have been far politer than your post deserved.

I wouldn't drag my own 8 year old around by her foot for fear of hurting her/dislocating her knee or some such and me and her know each other really well.

I've also suffered child abuse and rape and think you're chatting shit, Katharine.

You may quote me.

I'm stunned that anyone would try to play down what happened to this poor girl. She may not be living in crowded poverty about to enter into a life of prostitution but she has been dragged around a room and humiliated. Do we tell children to get over it and not make a fuss if an adult does something bad to them, just because worse things happen to other people? I don't like to imagine what the natural consequences of that strategy would be.

You'd think after witnessing such horrors, someone would be happy that there are children and parents where being dragged on the floor is their most awful experience at the time and hope it stays that way. Not use other people's bad experiences as a stick to beat them with.

From a poster who started a thread entitled "shoe crisis" because they wanted " a pair of shoes that is special enough to feel glamorous but will enable me to walk and stand on grass" you yourself seem a tad confused about your sense of where you sit on the spectrum of human suffering, kath love.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/3283297-Shoe-crisis

Dear god I thought I'd wandered into the Daily Mail comments box for a few minutes there, WTAF - an OP says her daughter was upset at school, responses range from oh she must be lying to yeah maybe it did happen but who gives a fuck. Have we have a coach trip come over from another site tonight?!

bang oo good find!! katherine is going to wear those shoes when she visits poor people!

I don't know, Katharine may be in pain herself. I don't agree with her, but it doesn't make it ok to be rude to her either, imo. Everyone has their own problems.

Jesus Christ, some of the posts on here at that moment! She was at school. She shouldn’t feel frightened. We don’t need young girls to have yet more training in fearing men. If he dragged her around the floor as her friends laughed and she was scared, yes, that’s horrible, no matter how many homeless statistics you throw into the mix. It’s bloody humiliating and completely disorienting in place of safety.

Definitely go in and see what he was playing at? Yes he should change his routine, next time it may be more than a sore back. If he dragged a child with a hip problem. I am sure he did not ask the Teacher "which child would be OK getting dragged on the floor, anyone with injuries I should avoid.

I am not one for going to the school over issues but this I would without a doubt.

To be fair bang one needs the right shoes for visiting these shacks, they must scream wealth and privilege whilst being robust enough to survive the mud they call a path...

Excellent post bang. Perhaps Katharine could use some of her “flexible” budget to help the poor people in the shack. Or perhaps not, as she’s just a narcissistic virtue-signaller who is all talk.

No, because you tried to dismiss a parent being concerned about something that had upset their child because you had been to gawp at people less fortunate, frankly people have been far politer than your post deserved.

Again, I don’t believe she tried to dismiss anything. I don’t believe the intention was that the situation should be dismissed. I think the crux was whether the dramatic outrage coming into the thread was proportionate to the situation.

The situation should be investigated. If correct, acknowledge with the child that it was inappropriate and is being addressed. And address it making sure the outcome is suitable. Follow up with the child in regards to the outcome. The question is, does it really all need to be addressed with outrage of the highest order. It’s like everything is an outrage competition these days, I really don’t understand how people can keep it up to be frank. The sad thing is, it’s what is being modelled to kids, they repeat the cycle and we have a society that has maximum outrage for every single thing rather than dealing with things (NOT dismissing them) in a proportionate way.

I'm stunned that anyone would try to play down what happened to this poor girl

I am too. On the one hand, there are threads (rightly so) urging raise your child to be brave, honest, able to come to you and not keep secrets (especially secrets relating to other adults). Yet, every time a child is unhappy, especially school related, it’s dont believe them, question what they say, believe the teacher/whichever adult, don’t make a big deal, don’t be so precious.

In this case, if the school/entertainer maintain its not as bad as dd made out, or didn’t even happen how she explains it, then what? Take their word as gospel and dismiss dd completely?

I’m all for modelling to my daughter than men can’t use force on her body against her will, actually. This board is weird tonight.

There’s no outrage competition - OP is rightly upset. And I’ve been in theatre in eduction for over a decade and never heard of entertainers that do this.

@HoppingPavlova You do have a point there, but thats not what I got from Katharine's post and the suggestions have been to talk to the school, which I would say is a proportionate response.

@POPholditdown three scenarios

1. For whatever reason entertainer decides it would be funny to drag a kid around the hall with no warning or consent and picks one at random and does it.
2. Entertainer does a tried and tested "trick" that he told the teachers about in advance and they said it was fine.

3.entertainer explains what the next game is and asks for volunteers. OP's DD puts her hand up(or appears to do so) so he picks her.

Not all scenarios are exactly the same even if the outcome was the same and they all have different ways to deal with them.

HoppingPavlova Great advice on dealing with issues. There is lots of unnecessary outrage these days. I will use your advice as a new personal mantra.
Sorry to derail from OP

Put the crackpipe down KatharineHilbery

Agree it's very sensible to speak to the school to actually find out what happened in detail. Presumably a teacher/TA was supervising. I'm surprised that an adult would be given free reign to grab and drag a child at all (not saying it didn't occur), safeguarding, clear boundaries on bodily autonomy and tight restrictions surrounding valid incidents to lay hands on a child are such a priority/minefield in school settings these days. I just can't see a teacher putting their career on the line for a 'fun activity' that involves following a specific child around a room, grabbing them by the ankle, pulling them to the floor, and the dragging them around a room. It sounds so outside the relm of basic conduct these days.

I agree with rebel, very different scenarios.

An entertainer who unexpectedly grabbed a random child and dragged them by the foot wouldn't be working for very long.

I hope you get to the bottom of it op.

Doubt it was that drastic

I don't often post, love to lurk. But just wanted to say what bullshit this thread is. You posted in AIBU and asked for validation of your views. A few posters have disagreed and been turned on in quite a nasty way for expressing an opinion that was asked for.