To want my DH to come home after my car crash?

[pinkcardi]

I had a car crash today, driver ran into me whilst I was waiting to turn right off the main road. Everyone ok, but shaken. Two small DC in the car. Other car a write off, ours badly damaged.

This happened 7.30am, DH was just arriving at work in local big city.

I dealt with it all, police, insurance, car garage, replacement car. Got amazing MIL to pick us up, she stayed a few hours after too which was a real help. Made tea etc.

My DH obviously concerned, on the phone etc, but hasn't come home. I asked at 11ish and he said he would stay for an internal meeting then come home, so he'll prob be back by 5.

I wondered if yours would have come straight home? My head and neck hurt, I want to sleep, I have two slightly upset children. AIBU just to secretly want him here?

And I’m a coper too. But there’s a difference between coping with a load of daily stuff and almost seeing your kids and you die if your car had turned about 40 degrees more.

I agree with Albert.

I don’t know whether I would need my DH to come home as not been in that situation. However, if something happened and I needed my DH to come home, and I told him I needed him to come home, then I would be very sad if he did not.

The caveat would be unless he had something of particular importance at work that day, as opposed to it being a regular day at work.

Mine was out on the lash when someone went into the back of me. Luckily my neighbour drove past and was able to drive me home. The kids and I were shaken but otherwise unhurt and I told DH to enjoy his night out, he'd have been useless having had a drink anyway.

If he'd been at work I'd rather he stayed and save absences for real emergencies like if someone was hurt. Work culture these days means it's hard to get time off.

Mine would and I would have done the same for him.

If work could spare him he would come home but he would likely have to work from home. He would want to be though but sometimes he might physically not be able to.

My husband would come out of work without me even asking him to. But I’m very lucky! I know this because someone did crash into me a few years ago and left me needing physio. So I guess I’d probably expect him to come out again if I was involved in a crash now!

YANBU but it’s understandable he can’t just drop work to be there. I’m sure he would have had it been a worse crash.

I hope you’re okay though. It can be very upsetting to be involved in a crash! Take some me time and try to keep yourself calm tonight 😘

I wouldn't expect mine to come home if we were all ok, and I wouldn't go home if things were reversed either - not least because there is no way either of us can just drop work in it at a moments notice unless it was an actual emergency.

Glad you are all ok

I was in an accident a few years ago and it left me shaken up for a while afterwards. Luckily, DS was at nursery when it happened and so I didn’t have to cope with him until a couple of hours later.

I think DH should have at least come home at lunch time just to check in.

I don't have support of MIL so mine may have done. But I wouldn't expect him to.

My dh may have been able to come home if there was no one else off on holidays or sick and if so he would check we were all ok and then do work from home after kids in bed. I would not ask him to do this though unless I really felt I could not cope or I was injured. You have done brilliantly and sorted everything out and had your MiL come to help you out too. So really your dh knows you are fine and is doing his best to get home earlier than normal.

My husband would have come straight home, and I have done the same for him. Surely it’s gut instinct?

If no one hurt then no.My work wouldn't be happy if asked to leave and everyone was ok and unhurt. If anybody injured be home straight away no problem.

On another note if you are feeling dizzy or sick and your neck is hurting please get yourself checked out. For cars to be written off it must have been quite a bump. Whiplash is common in accidents. Don’t out up with the pain. If your not feeling well go back to hospital. Take care

I wouldn't expect my husband to come home and I wouldn't rush home if he was in an accident but otherwise fine sat at home. In hospital and injured obviously that's a bit different.

Mine didn’t when I had one.

Maybe not for a non serious crash, but then if kids were involved, he would probably want to come straight home.

He would undoubtedly turn up with flowers later though.

My DH would absolutley come home if me and DD had been involved in a car accident, whether we were hurt or not!! YANBU OP!

Sorry about the accident, OP. You say 'If it makes a difference it's his business so no boss etc, entirely up to him.' If it's his business, he has more obligations than if he were an employee. He does have a boss - his customers are his boss and he himself is his boss. Hope you feel better soon.

Toxic44 it isn't really like that, no direct 'customers' in the retail sense and his employees don't need him there to do their jobs. There are two other owners and it's pretty flexible for them all. Of course I would never expect his business to suffer and am very understanding of business trips, 11pm phone calls and working through holidays for important deals etc.

That said, I didn't need him home but did slightly want him here, and he did come back early which was what I had asked if he could do. MIL was there for an hour or so but then had to dash off.

I think, if it had been the other way around, I would have come back early too and worked from home. I guess we are lucky that we have flexible jobs and I really appreciate that.

And thank you everyone for your comments. I'm feeling much better, sore head and neck gone.

I think Mumsnet was a very useful distraction yesterday 

In a flash. Even if we were OK he would want to check for himself (prob as he knows I'm the type to say I'm OK, even if wasn't) he's a big worrier..

I can understand your feelings in this. Mine didn’t either.
He works away from home and it is difficult re transport ( think flights) but he didn’t even come home when I had a virus which went into my heart and I had a heart attack when I felt unwell and went to GP. Ambulance sirens, lights, 5 days in hospital. He is a bit of an arse sometimes and went down in my estimation. I asked him what would he have done if I had died. He assured me he would have come home. I said , “ Why bother!”

I hope you are ok. Don’t be surprised if you have flashbacks/ dreams.

I had two crashes within half hour last month. I phoned hubby and he came straight away. I was shaken and needed him. Once home and after a brew, he went back to work. I understand that not all jobs are allowed to release someone but family comes first.

My DH would definitely use it as an excuse to get out of work. Don’t think that’s what you were asking though 😂