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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my DH to come home after my car crash?

163 replies

pinkcardi · 01/11/2018 13:58

I had a car crash today, driver ran into me whilst I was waiting to turn right off the main road. Everyone ok, but shaken. Two small DC in the car. Other car a write off, ours badly damaged.

This happened 7.30am, DH was just arriving at work in local big city.

I dealt with it all, police, insurance, car garage, replacement car. Got amazing MIL to pick us up, she stayed a few hours after too which was a real help. Made tea etc.

My DH obviously concerned, on the phone etc, but hasn't come home. I asked at 11ish and he said he would stay for an internal meeting then come home, so he'll prob be back by 5.

I wondered if yours would have come straight home? My head and neck hurt, I want to sleep, I have two slightly upset children. AIBU just to secretly want him here?

OP posts:
Di11y · 01/11/2018 15:59

my dh would come home. on the otherhand is this internal meeting one he is leading? I wouldn't expect him to necessarily cancel

Largepiecesofcrookedwood · 01/11/2018 16:09

Goodness, I wouldn't dream of asking DH to come home if none of us were injured (when I had my accident DH didn't even answer his phone Grin)
And I'm slightly mystified about all the "dealing with" you had to do. Surely as an adult that's just what you do in these sorts of situations. I'm not trying to be shitty with you OP (and I understand that it was a shock etc) but I feel your post makes everything to be a bit over dramatic.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 01/11/2018 16:17

@Largepiecesofcrookedwood The OP seems to have dealt with things very well- she doesn’t sound in the least bit overdramatic.

I don’t get this competitiveness on MN about who needs their DP/DH less. No one I know, male or female, would take a call and find out that their spouse and children have been in a serious enough accident only to shrug their shoulders and carry on filling out a spreadsheet or typing up an email.

Bleurgh0 · 01/11/2018 16:18

My head and neck hurt

Have you seen a doctor? That sounds like potential whiplash to me.

anxiousmotherof1 · 01/11/2018 16:22

My dh would have come home

Amazingtimes · 01/11/2018 16:28

I'm glad you and your dc are ok. Your dh will be home soon. Have a rest and let him look after the dc.

puzzledlady · 01/11/2018 16:29

Why must people on MN be on a parallel universe - just becasue some people think/do differently to others @rainbowstardrops?

Mine would have offered to come but I would have said no. If we and the children are fine - what’s the point in him coming home? To check that We were fine?

PoisonousSmurf · 01/11/2018 16:29

If you're no in hospital then why would he come home early?

Spaghettijumper · 01/11/2018 16:30

There is no way my DH wouldn't come home. And I'd do the same for him. What on earth is the point of being married to someone if they're going to stay at work when you're hurt and need some support? It always surprises me how 'stiff upper lip' the posts on MN are in this context - having a crash is really scary and I think it's normal to want your closest person there to lend a hand. I'd also expect the husband to want to see his wife and kids and give them a cuddle after having a scare. It's called being loving and human.

Original poster
pinkcardi · 01/11/2018 16:33

Isn't there a lot of dealing with in any similar accident?

  • police on scene as we were blocking a fast stretch of road
  • paramedics
  • two children to calm down
  • other driver was v upset (young driver)
  • work to call
  • school to call
  • MIL to call
  • insurance
  • tow truck
  • garage
  • replacement car
  • and then builders and plumbers to sort out at our house (typical bad timing) when I got home

That's not dramatic, and it is just life as you say, but it's a fair amount at 7.30am in the pouring rain when you obviously weren't expecting it.

I'm a competent and capable person, not overly dramatic. I'd just had a shock and was shaken.

OP posts:
LakieLady · 01/11/2018 16:34

My DP would be home like a shot, but that's primarily because he loves any excuse for a skive.

My ex refused to delay his drive to work to take me to minor injuries, a 5 minute drive from home, when I slipped on black ice and had a Colles fracture and 2 other fractures in my arm.

DollyWilde · 01/11/2018 16:35

You seem totally reasonable op, there’s nothing wrong with wanting your partner with you when you’ve had a shock. Glad he’ll be home early. Hope you’re feeling better soon Flowers

Deadringer · 01/11/2018 16:37

My dh would have rushed home whether I needed him or not, no question.

Original poster
pinkcardi · 01/11/2018 16:37

LakieLady bleedin heck, no wonder he's your ex

OP posts:
HellonHeels · 01/11/2018 16:40

Fucksake the competitive 'I'm nails, me' brigade is out on this thread.

Sallystyle · 01/11/2018 16:41

I had a crash not long after I passed my test (not my fault, other driver admitted fault) and it shook me up really badly. I can understand why you would have wanted him to come home. Thankfully my husband was at home anyway and I couldn't wait to get home and have a hug and some support.

I don't know if he is being unreasonable not to come home, but you certainly aren't unreasonable for wishing he did.

I am glad you are all OK OP Thanks

MsJaneAusten · 01/11/2018 16:44

Sympathy OP. I also had a crash today. Probably more minor than yours. DH checked that me and the kids were ok and has taken tomorrow off to take my car to repair (harder for me to take time off) but didn’t come home.

Sucks though doesn’t it? You’ve had a huge shock. Go easy on yourself Flowers

UptownFlunk · 01/11/2018 16:45

This thread is a total eye-opener to me. When did we all get so work obsessed? Family trumps work. My DH would have been home in a shot. I honestly can't imagine him ever staying at work if I had been in an accident.

Ginmakesitallok · 01/11/2018 16:50

What uptownflunk said. Dp would come straight home (as would I if situation was reversed). Both of our employers would totally understand and support us.

Bobbybear10 · 01/11/2018 16:50

I’m not sure my DH would come home in your scenario, although like you I would want him to.

Being completely honest I would be a little put out if he didn’t.

If I was taken to hospital or had some injury then I’m sure he would come home but i don’t know he would otherwise.

Saying that I probably wouldn’t be able to contact him at work anyway so....

giantbanger · 01/11/2018 16:52

I hope you're OK. Watch for delayed shock over the next day or two.

Take it easy.

LifesABeachCoaster · 01/11/2018 17:03

I don't think my DP would for me, if I had children in the car then they would be there like a shot even if I said we were all fine.

This is completely hypothetical though. We don't have children!

neveradullmoment99 · 01/11/2018 17:06

He absolutely would have come home for that. No way would he have left me to deal with all of that. He would have been straight home.

autumnnightsaredrawingin · 01/11/2018 17:09

Hope you’re ok OP. Flowers Sadly my DH wouldn’t have come home in these circumstances either, but it’s completely understandable you feel shaken, and I am a bit Hmm at some of the replies you’ve had.

ohtheholidays · 01/11/2018 17:44

I hope your feeling better now OP and that your DC are okay?

But please if the pain doesn't go or feels worse please see someone about it,I was run over when I was 9 years old(it was a hit and run the guy was on the wrong side of the road)and I was in hospital for a while and they missed the damage in my neck,I'm 43 now and the life long damage I've been left with can cause pain more severe than child birth,when it happens it comes out of nowhere and I end up being sick and then I black out.

I obviously hope to God that your right and that you'll be fine but if you do end up still feeling a bit rough please get seen Flowers

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