To want my DH to come home after my car crash?

[pinkcardi]

I had a car crash today, driver ran into me whilst I was waiting to turn right off the main road. Everyone ok, but shaken. Two small DC in the car. Other car a write off, ours badly damaged.

This happened 7.30am, DH was just arriving at work in local big city.

I dealt with it all, police, insurance, car garage, replacement car. Got amazing MIL to pick us up, she stayed a few hours after too which was a real help. Made tea etc.

My DH obviously concerned, on the phone etc, but hasn't come home. I asked at 11ish and he said he would stay for an internal meeting then come home, so he'll prob be back by 5.

I wondered if yours would have come straight home? My head and neck hurt, I want to sleep, I have two slightly upset children. AIBU just to secretly want him here?

YANBU to want him there, but he WNBU by staying at work. If you were all ok...

You can't expect him to be a mindreader. If you had wanted him to come, then you should have said.

Glad you are all OK.

In this situation, yes. The sleepiness could be shock but it could also be concussion.

Can MIL come back so you can get yourself checked over at minor injuries?

@rainbowstardrops I think this about a lot of stuff on here, but then the people I know IRL don't behave in the way a lot of people seem to on Mumsnet so I've no idea how much is actually real or just an attitude of being a martyr, which seems to happen a lot on here ('No, I lost both legs and an arm and I never even called my husband as I didn't want him to be distracted in his high-powered job as a top brain surgeon and risk killing someone.')

If my partner was in an accident that wasn't just a very minor bump (and this one sounds a lot worse than that) then you bet I'd be going home! And when I was a manager, if one of my staff had come to me and said their wife and kids had been in a car accident and could they leave early to go and make sure they were OK, I'd definitely have let them. In fact, I did in a similar scenario (not a car accident but something of that nature) and it didn't cross my mind to refuse.

That sounds very frightening, I hope you’re all ok.

I think mine would have come if he could, but it would depend on the day. If we were unhurt and had his Mum there, and he had an important meeting, he probably wouldn’t. But if he wasn’t busy he probably would.

Did you tell your DH you wanted him to leave early and come home? If not he may have presumed that as you weren’t hurt and had your MIL there you didn’t need him.

DH came straight home from work 90 mins away when I was in a crash with 6 month old DD.

My dad came straight away to help me sort stuff at the side of the road which was a fantastic help.

He drove me back to our house where DH was waiting and I just burst into tears when he hugged me.

If asked yes, but no need is there? You're alright and had some admin to sort out and MIL assisted, what's your DH going to do?

I suspect mine would but he is essentially the boss so can do as he pleases unless in a meeting. He also works under 10 mins cycle from home so nipping back is fine.

I agree with the posters saying you should get your neck checked out.

If you have head and neck pain you need to be seen at minor injuries or A&E , do not ignore it. I went to my GP several days after a crash with neck pain and ended up on a spinal board in A&E, it needs taking seriously. Mine turned out to be muscular but they took no risks.
To answer your question, my husband has his own business, with many staff, but would of come straight home without me asking.

DH would come home in those circumstances. He has a good employer who are very flexible. A bump like that can really shake you up.
Glad your DH will be home soon to give you some TLC.

Have you been to have a check at the hospital? My Oh was is a minor car crash and just had a bit of a sore head. I insisted he got checked over and turned out he’d fractured a vertebra in his neck. Could t believe it as he looked ok and could walk etc.

And to answer your question, of course my DH would come home if I’d been in an accident.

Head and neck pain and feeling sleepy? I think you need to be seen asap.

My dh would come home in your circumstances. but he works 10 mins away and is flexible. I think if he came home and I had head and neck pain and sleepiness, he would look after the kids while I went to get checked out.

There is a tendency on mn for posters to rush in with "goodness no, even if my head was hanging off I wouldn't expect dh to blow off a work meeting", but that's not reality for a lot of couples. we do actually love each other and I'd drop everything if dh was in shock/pain after an accident with small kids in the car as well.

In all honestly unless me or kids were in hospital I don’t think mine would come home either,

My head and neck hurt, I want to sleep,

Go to A&E!

I just read this to my DP. He is not one to make a fuss of me or be sympathetic in most circumstances so I am bloody shocked that he just said OP is NBU to expect her husband to have come home.
He reckons she needed support because something like that does shake you up and especially with the kids involved.
I was going to say she was BU!

I think he's going soft!

My DH would come home, I wouldn’t have to ask. Hope you’re all ok, it’s an awful fright to get, especially when your dc are in the car

OP if head and neck hurt tell him to come home NOW and get to A&E!

When I think how sick and anxious I felt after the last time I was in a car accident (someone drove into the back of us) even though there were no actual injuries, I feel like I'd definitely want my DH to come home asap if I was in your shoes OP! Things like this are horrible and stressful and in the grand scheme of things supporting your family after a car crash is far more important than missing a few hours of work.

Its only minor head and neck pain, and I've had a doze and feel a little better.

A passing paramedic stopped and she said we were fine, I honestly don't need A&E, just a hug and another adult to help wrestle the DC through bath and bedtime. Obv if pain gets worse I will get it checked out.

He will be home soon and expect he will happily do the bulk of childcare this evening.

I just felt alone as we are living somewhere fairly new without knowing too many people. Bless my MIL she even missed Bridge to help and then dashed off to cook for a dinner party of 8ppl. She's one of those types who can use a Mumsnet chicken to feed 20 people 

@Celebelly that's exactly what I mean!

Are some people on here really as they portray they are, or just wanting to sound 'hard' or 'independent' or bloody whatever!!!

I can't think of a single person that I know that would just shrug off their partner and children being in a crash. Maybe I live in a sheltered world?! I'd prefer the one I'm in to be honest!

i can't think of a single person that I know that would just shrug off their partner and children being in a crash.

Where does it say OP’s husband shrugged it off?

wrt a&e check what insurance needs to reimburse (private) physio.
they might need a form/documentation from a dr to process.

and I really really recommend you get physio asap.

Mine would come home. I know he would

Yes my dh did