To want my DH to come home after my car crash?

[pinkcardi]

I had a car crash today, driver ran into me whilst I was waiting to turn right off the main road. Everyone ok, but shaken. Two small DC in the car. Other car a write off, ours badly damaged.

This happened 7.30am, DH was just arriving at work in local big city.

I dealt with it all, police, insurance, car garage, replacement car. Got amazing MIL to pick us up, she stayed a few hours after too which was a real help. Made tea etc.

My DH obviously concerned, on the phone etc, but hasn't come home. I asked at 11ish and he said he would stay for an internal meeting then come home, so he'll prob be back by 5.

I wondered if yours would have come straight home? My head and neck hurt, I want to sleep, I have two slightly upset children. AIBU just to secretly want him here?

So. I'm a coper, when shit stuff happens I generally just get on with it. And DH is not a mind reader. So he wouldn't necessarily drop everything and come straight home if I had a crash because he'd assume that in the absence of any injury I would be perfectly capable of handling it. But on the flip side, if I wasn't capable, it I did feel shaken and actually asked him to come home because I needed him, he would do whatever he could to facilitate that. The times where I have felt unsupported by him in our relationship have generally been because I didn't ask him for the support rather him being unwilling to provide it.

So in the situation you're in, I don't think either of you are in the wrong or have behaved unreasonably.

If your head and neck hurt you should go to see your GP, or to A&E. Hope you improve soon.

I can sort of understand today but I think you should warn your dp that he might need tomorrow properly off. It sounds like whiplash which means you will feel pretty rough tomorrow and do not need to be looking after small children. If he can take the time off it would be something from a huge help to absolutely necessary.

not quite the same or in fact at all the same, but my DM died in hospital very unexpectedly early this morning. I'm calm, I'm coping, but DH instantly took the day off work. And I would do the same thing for him. OP I really do hope you feel less pain and less shock tomorrow, but any twinges please get yourself checked out.

OP I was in a car crash similar to that some years ago I was actually hospitalised for a while and dh didnt come home. I really did want him to do so but his work was not ok with that.. Its the shock as much as anything you want to feel your looked after.

I don't get the assumptions that because you're fine physically you don't need any help or support - or that you'd only need it if you were in hospital.

And DH would definitely come home if he could in those circumstances, and I can't imagine his manager saying no unless things were really difficult on that day.

I'm sorry OP, when I posted your thread was only a few posts in. Since then you had replied and been clearer about what had happened but I didn't see it
In your situation I still wouldn't have had DH come home but then he's not a huge amount of help in a crisis but I see you weren't actually as helpless as I had initially thought.
Hope you're feeling better now

First accident no wonder you are shaken
I had an accident about 6 months after meeting my DH. He drove 180 miles and took the next day off work to be with me.

I didn’t need him to. It does make me feel loved to know that he wanted to

DH absolutely would, and I would definitely want him there too.

Genuinely stunned by some of these responses.

My DH would of course come home. Because he loves me and would want to support me. No, I wouldn't "need" him but I would want him and so would my kids. I don't need lots of things he does for me that I value.

My DH most likely would, but he only works 10 mins away and so it's easy.

I think it's natural to want a hug after a rotten morning like that. You sound like you've done really well organising everything.

If he had spoken to you, knew that you were all unhurt and that his mother was there helping I think he was being reasonable. If it had been more serious and he didn't come then you'd be right to be 😡 or disappointed.

Hope you feel better soon.

I wouldn’t ask my DH to come home if I was feeling ok enough to look after my 2 kids, and if I had another adult to help with meal prep. Both of us really need to only come home from work in genuine emergencies.

Hope you’re feeling ok OP.

I think the takeaway here is that everyone has different relationships. I don’t really understand why some people appear to be wearing their resilience in a crash as a badge of honour, but there you go.

Hope you and the kids feel better soon OP. Take care.

@yolofish 💐

OP. Hope you feel better soon. Have you worked out who's doing the school run tomorrow? You might feel shaky when you get to the same junction.

Mine would have left work even if I told him not to but he is quite a worrier and likes to feel needed

I haven't rtft but wanted to say I'm fairly sure my DH would have come home. He works away anywhere from 2 to 10 hours drive but would have been straight in the car.

Hope your all feeling well now and all sorted

Sorry to hear you were in an accident. I was in one myself a few weeks ago, no dc in car and only minor damage but I was shaken. If you're hurting I would go and see your gp. Another accident I was in 10 years ago I thought i was fine then developed horrendous whiplash and my back seized up and I needed A&e. Take care x

DP would have definitely come straight home. He’s a worrier though.

Sorry you are shaken and sore OP. Just remember that you may feel even more achy tomorrow as the muscles tighten up. Perhaps take some ibuprofen tonight before bed and put a heating pad on your neck. Your dc may also have sore necks from the jolt.

Mines would even if i insisted there was no need

If I'm honest, I would have asked - and he would have come home if I'd asked or not

You must go and see your GP tomorrow and take the children. Whiplash injuries don’t always present immediately. Your insurance company will need a dr report too

This thread makes me wonder what has happened to peoples relationships now days. My DH would have come home in a flash, not because he thinks I couldn't cope, but because we are partners, we support each other, that's what a partner does. If you don't rely on each other for emotional or practical support why are you together?
I would do they same for him too of course.

My first thought was exactly the same. If my husband phoned me at work and said I’ve been in a crash with the children I would have told my boss then legged it home. If this is how modern relationships work then I’m very glad I no longer have a partner and that my children are adults.

Mine did as soon as I called. I wasn’t hurt physically but I was a mess emotionally. It wasn’t my fault and I needed him. His boss was fine about it. I think most would be tbh.