I need to have a difficult conversation with a colleague today.

[TheWifeofRequirement]

I’m 6 months into a role where I’m an expert in charge of a team of slightly junior experts.

My colleague used to be a junior expert under another ‘head of’ who had the role before me, but before I was given the job my colleague took a sideways step into a facilitation role which, although requires him to have some knowledge of my area, no longer requires him to get involved in the day to day.

Anyway, since I started, this colleague has struggled to maintain distance from the specialism and is dictating to me how to do said specialism on a daily basis.

It all came to a head over the last 2 days. He asked me to proof read an email and give feedback before it went to a client. I read it, and asked him to make a minor change because he was promising something in the email I’m not prepared to deliver. It was a minor thing: basically he promised to report to them daily which would be untenable from a commercial perspective and would put pressure on my team for no additional benefit. I asked him to change this to weekly reports and adhoc check ins with the client, he argued back and I clarified that as it’s my team delivering this, it will be weekly not daily.

He sent the email promising daily reporting.

I feel patronised, undermined and really bloody cross.

His role is to facilitate, not to dictate to me how to do my job and I’m now going to have to phrase this in a way that’s diplomatic and I’m struggling.

WIBU to basically tell him to back the fuck off and let me do my job? If so, how on earth do I phrase this??

bloob.

He didn’t...

This man (over-promised/over-serviced and) ended up with an unprofitable client list because he isn't any good at that part of the job

...because he was a Junior in his previous role too. He didn’t have the op’s seniority before either.

He said he thinks I’m being ‘massively unfair’ to him and I’m ‘making it difficult’ for him to step away because although he insists he has confidence in me and the team, he’s ‘noticed things’ that make him feel like things ‘might’ start to slide

Email: further to our conversation of DD/MM/YY I understand you said this:

I am being "massively unfair"
I am "making it difficult for you"
You have "noticed things" that make you feel that "things might slide"

Please meet with me on XYZ to discuss these matters.

Make it a short time frame, 24 hours.

Every every thing in writing.

Witches
OP said:

Daily reporting isn’t important to him really, it’s just ‘how he would do it’ if he was managing the account in his previous role. Back then, we had A LOT more resource and I think he was bored, hence all the clients he’s worked with are massively over services and commercially no longer viable.

Can all the ‘I can’t believe you’re a manager and clearly a waste of space’ crowd kindly piss off? I know, I’m shit. Well spotted. Do you need a blow by blow list of my other failings too? I’m also fat and dress like Dane Edna on a visit to the library, would you like to pass comment on that too or are you content I’m firmly in my place now and you can move on?

He didn't have OP's role, but he fucked up nonetheless.

You need to bear in mind that, now that you've backed him (quite properly) into a corner, he might well use attack as a form of defence and raise a grievance against you; he might say you were overbearing, bullying etc. I am an employment solicitor and I see this all the time.

I would still do an email to him confirming what he did, how you addressed it with him and what needs to happen from now on - and cc in the manager.

"Every every thing in writing."

This ^^
I think a follow up email clarifying what was said in the meeting is a good idea. Especially if he decides to get senior management involved.

Op having read your post, he will not stop trying to undermine you unless he thinks you are stronger and tougher and will crush him if he tries....

You have to act tough, it is clear that, whilst you are very competent, knowledgeable and able, you hate confrontation and want to get everyone on side, forget that he will never be on your side he has made that abundantly clear.

Time to be a bloody difficult woman op, where he is concerned,( with a charming smile of course...)

He is not your friend more your enemy DON'T FORGET that.

Watch you back be one step ahead, it is fine if people (in this case him) don't like you. Protect your career and standing at all costs.

witches my understanding is he moved into a side role. He isn't as 'junior' as the people OP manages.

It sounds as though there has been a restructure and there's both genuine confusion about how the roles work together and the colleague being a cf. I'd get it all down in black and white, make sure he backed off and ensure I had management support. It's all very well, the manager trying to remain uninvolved but if the manager is saying one thing to OP and another to the colleague then that all needs to be pushed into the open.

'your'

..and do it before he has time to raise a grievance. Get in there first.

Well done for being brave in the meeting.

I agree with the pp who suggested a follow up email of what was agreed in the meeting without a copy to your manager. You are the manager and you’ve got to keep this idiot inline. Hopefully if he realises he can’t bully you in the longer term, he will leave or ask to move to a different department. In the meantime you can’t let him get away with undermining you and he knows now that you will deal with his bullshit.

Remember that you were given the job because the bosses in charge knew that you can see what is achievable with the resources available. Never be scared to do the job that you are being paid to do, even if it doesn’t make you popular with everyone.

He's assuming the moral highground by claiming he's doing it for the good of the company and clients. It's bullshit. He's doing it so he can manoeuvre himself into a better position, by proving he's the only one who can handle things.

In fact, he's the one who is fucking up. Don't let him forget that, no matter how plausible he sounds when he says it. He over-promised to a client. He is looking through your work. Don't let him put you on the back foot here; I would go back by email and say since your meeting you have been considering what you've been noticing too. Lay out what he's done and why it needs to stop, and now.

OP, I think there's a big difference between handling someone who is underperforming or doing something wrong and needs to be told (awkward but within normal management skills) and handling someone who clearly disrespects you, is out to undermine you and has a misogynist agenda - that is difficult because the fucker doesn't want to be better at his job, he just wants to kick back at you for the sake of it.

I don't think it makes you a shit manager because you find that hard.

No restructure, his current role existed before with a clear framework of roles and responsibilities. He was junior to my role previously, his current role is a step up from where he was and closer to my role, but he’s still junior.

From ops update it sounds like she wants to cut corners and back her staff into a corner when they notice.

That's an unfair observation @mimibunz plenty of people find themselves rising up the ranks without leadership or management development being on offer.

Suttree go troll somewhere else. Reddit has lots of possibilities for you.

Frankly I’m surprised you have reached a certain level of management and still have no idea how to have a difficult conversation with a colleague

How is she supposed to have experience of managing, without being a manager?

It's not "cutting corners" to provide the level of service the client's fee actually covers, and not more.

OD's approach is to over-promise, have clients expect too much, and then they are not profitable. That's his "knowing best". Hey, I could do that if I didn't want to "cut corners". (I.e. do my job properly and efficiently.) I'd soon starve and have to pack in in my business.

I have superior knowledge in this situation, that’s not in question.

I have superior knowledge of MN. I can work out which posters (you know who they are) have only joined in half term.

suttree you are being deliberately annoying and unhelpful. I wonder why?

You also don't seem to understand how management works in modern organisations. Managers aren't in their role because they have more knowledge, there will always (SHOULD) be other people in the organisation with more knowledge than them. A managers role is to manage take decisions and responsibility.

suttree you are being deliberately annoying and unhelpful. I wonder why? - I've just checked the talk guidelines, no where does it say you have to agree with posters.

He said he thinks I’m being ‘massively unfair’ to him and I’m ‘making it difficult he’s ‘noticed things’ that make him feel like things ‘might’ start to slide.*

This was really the point where your should have gone in very aggressively and told him that he needs to mind his own business and stop trying to do your for job you and that you KNOW you are perfectly capable of of doing it yourself and that you will not tolerate him defying your instructions again.

Call his bluff and tell him that if he has valid concerns about your performance then he needs to take out up with your manager, but that you know that his concerns are completely unfounded.

@Suttree, he clearly doesn't have superior knowledge of OP's job if he was operating in an unprofitable manner and OP has now turned that around.

OP, I think you achieved plenty by your talk. He clearly didn't want to back down and it very much sounds as if he's blustering: if he had "noticed things" he should have been able to give you examples then and there, and saying that he only thinks "might" start to slide is incredibly feeble. You've made it clear to him that he must not overstep boundaries and made him back down on the daily reporting idiocy.

As people have said, you now need to send him an email, copied to your manager, confirming what you said and ending up with something to be said that you now plan to draw a line under this so long as he respects the boundaries between his role and yours in future.