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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DD go to school in socks tomorrow (she says she will freeze and be miserable)

251 replies

jackieChansBedPan · 31/10/2018 22:57

She’s not 5 years old-she’s 12
She and her siblings have a few chores they have to do- you’d think I force her up chimneys the way she moans.

Anyway

She has 5 school shirts, 7 pairs of tights etc

Almost every other night or actually in the morning she will come in moaning about where are my tights/PE shorts/school shirts

She’s been known to shove clean ironed stuff in her dirty clothes hamper to avoid putting it away-

Yet again she’s come bolting down the stairs at almost 11pm asking where her tights are and can I put a wash on with ONE pair of tights ????

I’ve refused and told her she can wear socks and she’s raging.

Her dad has said I’m being too hard on her- I asked him to wash her tights by hand (he’s gone strangely silent and appears to be nowhere near a sink and a bottle of Persil)

I’m not being reasonable am I?

If she’s cold it might be the bolt up her bum she needs to look after her stuff

I’m hormonal

Thank you.

OP posts:
BumsexAtTheBingo · 03/11/2018 13:19

Well if you read the whole thread you’d see that in my earlier post I said that one of the parents should wash the tights so I’m in no way suggesting it was just the ops job.
Yes the child may have defiantly pretended they were fine and are going to go like that tomorrow as well but how many people did you see outside in bare legs yesterday because I saw none.
Replacing the tights was enough punishment without making the point of ensuring the child was cold. There’s a real nasty streak on here sometimes where some posters seem to revel in the cruel punishments people heap on their kids whenever they step out of line.

HarrySnotter · 03/11/2018 13:24

Sometimes, when I read threads like this, it becomes crystal clear why so many children in the school I work in cannot do even the simplest task for themselves. Too many mugs run around after their DCs enabling them to become the lazy, entitled children we find in so many schools, rather then actually teaching them basic life skills and giving them the tools to become independent young people, then adults.

MissLingoss · 03/11/2018 14:44

HarrySnotter, there was a thread this week about teaching children resilience. I think situations like this are how children gradually learn to solve their own problems and become competent individuals.

This dd has learned a bit about taking responsibility for herself, in an age appropriate way. If op had washed the tights for her, she'd have learned that stropping gets you what you want, and her dm would always come to her rescue when she left things to the last minute.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 03/11/2018 14:53

I was more thinking it makes me understand why some children come in in unwashed clothes and unable to concentrate and falling asleep in class due to being up at all hours but I guess that’s the fault of the children themselves and nothing to do with the parents Hmm

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 03/11/2018 18:03

@BumsexAtTheBingo - there's loads in bare legs here because it's either the fashion or uniform for secondary girls to wear socks not tights.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 03/11/2018 18:03

And her latest post is not relevant to this particular child.

Rebecca36 · 03/11/2018 21:22

BumsexattheBingo, very good post.

YouTheCat · 03/11/2018 21:59

All the OP's dd needed to have done was put her tights in the wash but she didn't and then expected the OP to wash her some at the last minute. At 12 she should be taking responsibility for putting dirty items in the washing basket. Some people seem to be accusing the OP of virtually neglecting her child. That's a bit shit really.

My dd was responsible for putting her dirty clothes in the laundry basket from being small. It was never a problem. She also used to set her own bedtime from about the age of 7. Somehow she's managed to get to 23.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 03/11/2018 22:17

Of course it would be better if she’d put them in the basket but surely getting her to replace the tights is enough of a punishment without taking delight in the fact her being uncomfortable for a day will learn her!

YouTheCat · 03/11/2018 22:20

Who's taking delight in any of this? She had the option of washing them herself, which would have taken all of 10 minutes, or wearing clean socks. It's not like it's freezing at the moment. It's hardly neglectful.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 03/11/2018 22:22

The option of washing them herself hours after she should have been asleep on a school night. How kind.

YouTheCat · 03/11/2018 22:28

So? She didn't end up washing them and was fine in socks.

HarrySnotter · 03/11/2018 22:38

@MissLingoss I'm not sure if you've misread my post but I was pretty much saying what you said in your post.

@Bumsexatthebingo - surely, surely you can see the difference in someone trying to encourage their child to think for themselves and become a little more organised and a child actually being neglected by their parent? A child having to wear socks instead of tights for one day is hardly the same as a child repeatedly coming to school hungry and dirty. For the love of God, you must understand this, or if you don't you need to get yourself on a safeguarding course so you can actually begin to understand the difference.

CarolDanvers · 03/11/2018 22:42

I couldn't agree more with your posts @BumsexAtTheBingo.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 03/11/2018 22:49

I haven’t actually mentioned neglect. It’s clearly crossed some other posters minds though as they have. I just think it’s unnecessary to leave your child uncomfortable for a day to teach them any kind of lesson. Especially when they’ve already been punished. That along with the fact the child doesn’t seem to have a bedtime on school nights isn’t leading me to fall over applauding the ops parenting like some in this thread.
I’m all for children learning through consequences. Paying for the tights is a consequence of the child’s actions, having her wash them if she wasn’t already going to be exhausted for school the next day due to the time would be a reasonable consequence. Letting her be cold all day to teach her a lesson was unnecessary and mean imo.

HarrySnotter · 03/11/2018 22:52

Good grief. Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill ...

kezibear · 04/11/2018 16:05

My six year old does her own washing sometimes (i put the detergent in.) She was wearing 5 outfits a day so I told her one outfit or you do your own washing...... She called my bluff!!! She now does at least 2 wash loads a month.

kezibear · 04/11/2018 16:16

Sorry my point there was to say if a six year old can do it so can a twelve year old and you definitely are NBU to send her is socks!!!!

Mistigri · 04/11/2018 16:19

I don't understand Mumsnet sometimes.

Why on earth would you send an adolescent to school with bare legs if she felt uncomfortable about it? It's a weird and sadistic thing to do. Just send her to school in slightly grubby tights FFS (and make her wash them when she gets home).

PhilomenaButterfly · 04/11/2018 16:39

I'm so thankful that DD wears trousers. Although if she neglected to put her school socks in the wash, she'd have to wear dirty ones.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 04/11/2018 17:54

I was more thinking it makes me understand why some children come in in unwashed clothes and unable to concentrate and falling asleep in class due to being up at all hours but I guess that’s the fault of the children themselves and nothing to do with the parents hmm

@BumsexAtTheBingo so you’re not interring neglect with this post then?

@Mistigri maybe you should at least read the OP’s posts - the child could have washed her own tights (as I commented, often did this at her age as chronically disorganised) and also, socks is not the same as bare legs! Liverpool school girls don’t wear tights, they wear socks. Are they all poor neglected souls being punished by their sadistic parents?!

Rebecca36 · 04/11/2018 19:15

Youthecat, the girl could have washed her tights before going to bed, when she had her bath. Girls were taught to do that, knickers too, in past years.

However what kind of a fuss is nine pages over a pair of unwashed tights.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 04/11/2018 20:06

Yes she could have washed her own tights at 11 o’clock at night but that would have just meant she had an even more ridiculous bedtime.
And Lol that ‘Liverpool girls wear socks’. I’ve got family in Liverpool and visit there a lot and my nieces and her friends wear socks, tights or trousers depending on the weather and their schools uniform policy.

YouTheCat · 04/11/2018 20:14

Rebecca, and all the other 6 pairs of tights that hadn't made it into the washing basket. It wasn't just one pair that hadn't been washed.

If the kid was 7, you wash them, check up on them, teach them, etc. At 12 I'd expect her to be self-sufficient enough to sort herself out. And anyway, why is it the OP's job to wash these tights? If her dh was so concerned why didn't he leap up and do it?

Notveryadventurousname · 04/11/2018 20:19

I have one of these; same age same issues. I've not sent her in socks (she would use as an excuse to moan and be distracted in lesson all day). I ether find a clean pair of similar tights from my drawer or find the cleanest looking from the laundry bin (normally only wear tights once), spray with febreeze, roll up as if clean and put them out ready for morning. She is none the wiser but agree would be better to get her to handwash them. I'm too cowardly......can't face the stress Blush

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