To make DD go to school in socks tomorrow (she says she will freeze and be miserable)

[jackieChansBedPan]

She’s not 5 years old-she’s 12
She and her siblings have a few chores they have to do- you’d think I force her up chimneys the way she moans.

Anyway

She has 5 school shirts, 7 pairs of tights etc

Almost every other night or actually in the morning she will come in moaning about where are my tights/PE shorts/school shirts

She’s been known to shove clean ironed stuff in her dirty clothes hamper to avoid putting it away-

Yet again she’s come bolting down the stairs at almost 11pm asking where her tights are and can I put a wash on with ONE pair of tights ????

I’ve refused and told her she can wear socks and she’s raging.

Her dad has said I’m being too hard on her- I asked him to wash her tights by hand (he’s gone strangely silent and appears to be nowhere near a sink and a bottle of Persil)

I’m not being reasonable am I?

If she’s cold it might be the bolt up her bum she needs to look after her stuff

I’m hormonal

Thank you.

BitOutOfPractice

No I wouldn't send my12 yr old to school inappropriately clad

tiredgirly you make her sound like a tower block with you overly officious language to prove your perfect parenting point "inappropriately clad"

There's a reason the poster is tired 😂

I'm with you on this OP - she needs to get organised.

My DSs, 12 & 14 know that if it's not in the washing basket it doesn't get washed. I wash on a Wednesday and Friday night, towels on a Tuesday and bedding on a Thursday. If you miss the slot tough - apart from bedding night, that's non negotiable and they strip and make their own beds, it can take over an hour and with much crying and arguing  however they do it eventually and they're slowly realising I won't back down and do it for them.

Stand firm OP and repeat it's a life lesson and she'll get it eventually I'm currently trying to convince myself of this

I’d have washed them for her but I would have checked long before now that she had clean anyway. Uniform is taken off, checked and hung up on arrival home from school, check for clean tights, bag repacked for next day. Maybe good habits haven’t been instilled in the first place.

Ooh CarolDanvers aren’t you just perfect? Well actually you’re not, because you’re enabling your kids’ dependence on you to do things for them. At the age of 12 OP’s DD is more than capable of sorting out her own school uniform and requesting at a reasonable time that things are washed for the next day if they are needed, and if it is just one item to wash it by hand herself. (My kids do want your DD did btw OP, I just make them wear it again the next day.)

I'm not sure why is wrong with wearing socks?

I wouldn't run around sorting this for her, but at the same time it's no big deal.

At 12 she is plenty old enough to do her own washing. Show her how and never wash another thing for her (but don't ever criticise how she does it)

I do wonder why people like this ^ even have children when all they seem to do is separate them from the family living unit as soon as they can do something. Such a cold and sad way to think of your own child.

saikcaci - I also find that paragraph odd. We separate washing into whites darks and colours.
According to tht statement, if the 5 of us all did our own washing then we would have 15 mini loads in the machine every week!

We put our washing together as a family, sort it and wash it. Not sure why a 12 year old should do their washing separate from the rest.

being independent etc means learning to put your stuff in the wash, put your clean clothes away, be responsible for making sure you have what you need (do I have my pe kit etc) and how to put a load in the machine for the family I have never understood why their clothes need to be done separately

If secondary age girls are freezing it’s usually because they’re not wearing a coat, rather than their hosiery.

OPs DD had the choice of handwadhing or wearing socks. Seemingly she chose the latter.

CarolDanvers, you really aren't instilling good habits in your child if you're doing all that for her at age 12.

I have a 12yo dd, op yanbu!

The amount of washing my dd can produce is astounding and I am getting much stricter, she is also guilty of putting clothes in the wash basket because she can't be bothered to put them away.

I'm very impressed that your 12 year old is organised enough to check her school uniform requirements the night before !!

But no you are not unreasonable with what you have said!

I'm very impressed that your 12 year old is organised enough to check her school uniform requirements the night before

strict rule in our house IS YOUR UNIFORM READY???
trouble is, (from their point of view) they always say yes, and then I don't check. So if they haven't actually done it, then they have a problem.

So did she go to school wearing socks this morning?

Lol at everyone saying a 12 year old should do their own washing! I assume all the DHs have to do their own as well then? As someone else commented those houses must be 24hr laundrettes if this is the case! Please tell me, for the sake of the planet, that these are all full loads?

Just saw she did. Bravo!

Hopefully she will have learned something by OP sticking to her guns. My school didn’t allow tights at all, or trousers on girls and we all survived the winter in socks.

I would be most annoyed at DH in this mini saga. How dare he take that attitude that washing is only something OP can do, and has to do at 11pm at night because of a lazy daughter.

1. Remove washing baskets from their bedrooms. If they have to go to another room to put it in there rather than putting it away, it might stop that bit of nonsense.

or

1. Make them do their own washing. I was definitely in charge of my own stuff by that age. Including ironing (quite handy actually as my brother used to pay me well over the going rate to iron his jeans - ironed jeans! I ask you! Sorry, I digress.)

If secondary age girls are freezing it’s usually because they’re not wearing a coat, rather than their hosiery. and because they've twisted their skirt waistbands so their arses are barely covered.

OP you definitely did the right thing. Kids often need a failure to appreciate the lesson. It's ds's job to pack his football kit but he always relied on me to check it, remind him etc. When I stopped doing this he once went to training without his boots and was put on the bench. He always checks properly now!

My DD wears socks in this weather, she hates tights.
If your DD has 7 pairs of tights, where are the other 6?

Brilliant the way the Dad is taking the “good cop” stance...in theory. If he is the one who thinks the tights should be washed and ready for the next day, why doesn’t he do it? Or is it the case that he thinks the tights should be washed and ready for the next next....by you. 🤬😡

I'd have told mine to hand wash them or find an alternative.
That would have been the end of the discussion.

Oh, and DH would definitely back me up as the onus is on them to put dirty washing in the basket and, in theory, they should have a full clean set ready every Monday. If they haven't then they deal with the consequences.

I'd have shown her how to handwash the tights if she hasn't ever done it before. Yes, it's obvious - but not if you're 12 and unfamiliar with it.

Working out how to do something yourself without having someone standing over you telling you how is also a valuable skill to learn.

whats wrong with socks never wore tights for school even in winter

Great idea- didn’t plan on doing this on my day off
Laundry baskets are out of the bedrooms with just two bigs ones in their place one huge blacks whites in the bathroom and a colours outside the bathroom.

I found many pairs of socks in her washing basket (clean I think)but not 7 pairs of tights

She has after school activities and constantly leaves shoes/bags - I’ve always made it right but that’ll stop too. She was genuinely shocked that I told her she’d best wear a dirty pair and I also told her unless the other tights materialised her allowance would all go this week on replacements.

I have an idea she’ll do a David Copperfield and be pulling tights out of her bum crack by tea time.

I think he did that is Vegas in the 90’s or am I thinking about someone else?

And in agreement with PP I had the misfortune of living with many an inept housemate at uni that had no clue on basics cooking/cleaning/personal hygiene - not good. My DS are way better than DD at the moment. They do enough but could always do more.

Hope there was a happy resolution in your house by this morning, that didn’t involve you becoming Family Washer Woman!

She’s been known to shove clean ironed stuff in her dirty clothes hamper to avoid putting it away
That's infuriating

I have two teenage boys who are the same. I iron their uniform for the week and call them to put away. It's all hung up on coat hangers all they have to do is put it in their wardrobes. The amount of time they will say to me late at night that they need a clean shirt or something for school is unbelievable. I make sure they have enough for the week on a Sunday night. I started checking up as I thought I was going crazy and low and behold crumpled clean shirts at the bottom of the wardrobe along with half their normal clothes. I am seriously considering making them iron their own stuff ungrateful beggars