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AIBU?

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Original poster

To make DD go to school in socks tomorrow (she says she will freeze and be miserable)

251 replies

jackieChansBedPan · 31/10/2018 22:57

She’s not 5 years old-she’s 12
She and her siblings have a few chores they have to do- you’d think I force her up chimneys the way she moans.

Anyway

She has 5 school shirts, 7 pairs of tights etc

Almost every other night or actually in the morning she will come in moaning about where are my tights/PE shorts/school shirts

She’s been known to shove clean ironed stuff in her dirty clothes hamper to avoid putting it away-

Yet again she’s come bolting down the stairs at almost 11pm asking where her tights are and can I put a wash on with ONE pair of tights ????

I’ve refused and told her she can wear socks and she’s raging.

Her dad has said I’m being too hard on her- I asked him to wash her tights by hand (he’s gone strangely silent and appears to be nowhere near a sink and a bottle of Persil)

I’m not being reasonable am I?

If she’s cold it might be the bolt up her bum she needs to look after her stuff

I’m hormonal

Thank you.

OP posts:
Thursdaydreaming · 01/11/2018 01:37

Tell her how to wash a pair of tights? Confused

Put them in some soap and water and wash them? What else is there.

YANBU OP, she has many options. Rewear a pair, hand wash or socks. It's not like you are forcing her to go to school without shoes.

MKUltrachic · 01/11/2018 01:46

I hate rewearing tights so would hand wash them myself (meaning dd not you) or suck it up and wear the cleanest if I were desperate

1forAll74 · 01/11/2018 01:47

omg. this is very laughable.. even if your daughter went to school bare legged.she won't perish, what a to do ha ha..Tell her to wear a pair of her dad's socks to keep warm.. You can easily dry tights after washing. just wrap them tightly in a towel and hang them up somewhere warmish after..or get one of my cats to sleep on them, they will soon be dry then.

Could your daughter borrow a pair of your tights if they are the right colour. If not, you can go to a 24 hour supermarket and get her some new ones.. haha

Stringofpearls · 01/11/2018 02:03

I think people are being a bit mean, my mum definitely wouldn't have made me do my own easing at 12, although I would be done other chores around the house. Also, it is very cold where I live at the moment, I'd have hand washed them for her, or made her dad do it! 12 is still pretty young really.

femfemlicious · 01/11/2018 02:26

I was hand washing all my clothes at 12. No washing machine.

IAmNotAWitch · 01/11/2018 03:41

My kids have enough uniform for an entire week.

Uniform gets washed by me on Saturday morning. I wash what is in the hamper, all washing present in the hamper on Saturday morning is placed clean and ironed on beds by Sunday evening.

That is the extent of my involvement. I don't take complaints.

If they don't put something out to get washed, it isn't my problem.

This has been the rule since the oldest started school at 4 years old.

Everyone here is NT and capable of operating a washing machine/sink/dryer. I am doing them all a HUGE favour by doing this for them. If they don't like it, they have options...

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/11/2018 04:03

At your dds age YANBU. This is a life lesson.

claraschu · 01/11/2018 04:08

The thing that would worry me is that your dd thinks that it is even remotely ok to put a washing machine on for one item.

Even though my kids have been bad about sorting clothes, putting clothes away and doing their own laundry, I have made sure they knew from a very early age that water, energy, and cleaning fluid are precious resources, not to be wasted.

mediumbrownmug · 01/11/2018 04:48

YANBU. If I'd owned seven pairs of tights (!) for a five day week and they were all magically "dirty" before the week was over Hmm I'd have had a pair of very unimpressed parents.

I was taught to use the washing machine at 12, but funnily enough I never had to be taught how to hand wash an item. Because, I mean, you wash it. By hand.

Also, it sounds like your DH might benefit from taking over the family laundry for a week. I'll bet his attitude would change then.

tiredgirly · 01/11/2018 05:09

No I wouldn't send my12 yr old to school inappropriately clad and also she would be in bed and asleep by 11pm if she has school the next day.you need to take her education a bit more seriously

toherdoor · 01/11/2018 05:09

I can't believe she's upset and your dh thinks you're being harsh - but neither of them will go and wash them themselves. So the onus is completely on you to wash them for her. I'd stop washing for either of them. They both sound selfish.

EdisonLightBulb · 01/11/2018 05:43

My money is on the DD having a massive strop then wearing the same pair today.

Gottalovethesummer · 01/11/2018 05:58

She wears an old pair. 11pm is too late for a 12 year old to be up! From now on though she should only have TV / tech/ whatever down time she prefers when her uniform and school bag are ready. Do you do pocket money? Maybe you can link it to chores she needs to be responsible for ( like getting herself ready the night before. )EG 50p a day if she is organised.

CarolDanvers · 01/11/2018 06:01

I’d have washed them for her but I would have checked long before now that she had clean anyway. Uniform is taken off, checked and hung up on arrival home from school, check for clean tights, bag repacked for next day. Maybe good habits haven’t been instilled in the first place.

NeedAUsernameGenerator · 01/11/2018 06:12

I wouldn't do a washload at 11pm but I might show her how to hand wash them, or she could just wear a dirty pair. Socks were very uncool when I was at school, you would be teased forever.

Alexandra2018 · 01/11/2018 06:31

Sort herself out or wear socks definitely

strawberrisc · 01/11/2018 06:45

You’re doing the right thing. Believe me. Nip this in the bud at 12. I wish I had.

bloodylovethemoomins · 01/11/2018 06:50

She won't freeze.

The fashion where I live is for secondary school girls to not wear tights. It would be minus ten and they'd all be in knee high socks!

NoUnicornsToSeeHere · 01/11/2018 06:53

I always washed my own tights at that age in the sink. Easiest way of ensuring that my best tights didn’t end up in my sister’s room...

Pinkprincess1978 · 01/11/2018 06:54

My 9 yr old DD is exactly like this including putting clean clothes directly in the dirty washing bag rather than put them away!

At least she is asking the night before - we get told 10 mins before we have to leave - in fact they don't say, they just come down in crumpled dirty shirts (her DB can be the same though not as bad and has no problem wearing dirty clothes much to my shame!)

echt · 01/11/2018 07:10

Maybe good habits haven’t been instilled in the first place

The OP has made it plain the children have chores to do.

Blaming much?

Whereismumhiding2 · 01/11/2018 07:26

So what happened OP?

I hope you just turned and went up to bed. Really at 11pm expecting YOU to stay up til midnight to wash her tights (because she hadn't bothered to put away or into wash basket before then), is selfish if your DD (& of your DH to agree!) And it's not your problem. I bet she wears 'dirty'(/worn once!) pair today.

Definitely time to let her do her own washing. My DC started complaining and doing the 'last minute'/ you've lost my socks/kit thing, so I said wash your own then. (No complaints before because it isn't me that loses the kit /socks/pants etc..!)

Had a few times where they left it wet in machine overnight, soon learnt though.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 01/11/2018 07:31

Hand wash and radiator
No brainer

RhiWrites · 01/11/2018 07:35

Doesn’t help that her dad has told me I’m being really harsh

Well he’s not washing her tights for her either, is he? Perhaps he thinks you need a vagina to do housework.

steppemum · 01/11/2018 07:49

totally normal in my house - you put your stuff in the wash, or it stays dirty.
Along with - you get out your stuff for school before bed the night before. If I have not washed it, I will stick a quick wash on for you and hang it up. If it isn't washed because it wasn't in the hamper, tough.

I repeat this ad infinitum.

also, they do have to help, mostly they take down clean dry washing from the rack in utility room, and have to sort it and deliver it to bedrooms.