To think I didn't make her homeless?

[Wheyv]

DD's college seem to be quite concerned here and I'm actually really worried now. DD's behaviour was absolutely horrendous, words such as "I wish you were dead" and "you're a cunt" were thrown around and I just couldn't bare to have her here. She refused to stay out of my sight and so I told her to get out, she then said well where am I supposed to go? And I said I didn't care and for her to just get out, she left. It hit around 9pm and it was getting dark, I told elder sister to suggest she could go stay in her flat... eldest sister texted her and said she could go stay there (eldest is visiting) so DD did. DD didn't know it was my suggestion, but I knew she was safe and told the college this. But apparently they're still concerned and were blabbering in about how I have parental responsibility... she is 17 for gods sake! AIBu?

She’s 17
I’m sure I called my mum and dad all kinds of things at that age, it’s just age. We don’t live in 1850
Fuck you sound like a horrific parent. Impo

Is it fuck just age. Even at my very worst, and I was awful, I would have never ever called my mom a cunt.

What difference does calling someone a cunt mean. It’s awful. But it’s the worst she could come up with.
Does that warrent being kicked out.

I wish I had called my mum a cunt at that age, it would have been appropriate.

Are you American at all Oswin?

There are parents on here who’s children make their life a living misery, yet they would never make them homeless.
This was all over a phone contract and her calling you a cunt. I’m surprised you’ve got this far as a mother if I’m honest

No I'm English. The dd was following her around called her a cunt and wishing her dead. Fuck that shit. She is not a child anymore. She needs to learn if you abuse people, even people who love you, they won't want to be around you.
Op you should let her know that actually you did organise her to stay at her sisters.

Oswin
I hope you don’t have children.

Oh whatever. You are projecting on the op because you think your mother would have deserved to be called a cunt. Nothing the op has said has indicated that she deserved this.
To be called awful names and told to die. Someone getting in your face again and again, op told her to go away, she carried on. What's she meant to do, take away the wifi, stop giving her lifts. The dd is staying with her sister. She ain't of in some crack house. The op is a human why shoukd she be abused by her near adult daughter.

I’m not protecting. I would never throw a child out for being a cunt. Even if I thought they were one.
You reap what you sow, you want a decent relationship with a child when they grow up, you don’t kick them out for a bit of bad language

Projecting even

It's not a bit of bad language is it though. That would be swearing as they walk away in a strop. No following your mother around calling her a cunt and telling her to die is abusive. She's 17 not 14. It's outrageous. I love my mom, she is amazing. Yet if I did that to her I fully expect she would have kicked me out, she also would have sent me to my older sisters. No one should put up with abuse like this.

Fine you win. Kick your kid out. All that will happen is bad things. Unless there is a massive drip feed, then no one should throw out a 17 year old for a mega strop

Hard to say without all the facts. On the face of it your post makes it sound like she was being rude and you threw her out. I am assuming there's more to it than that and she's a PITA. Do you think there's an underlying cause? Drugs, drink etc?

I presume you've been driven to the edge so maybe this will shake her up to realise what's she's doing. You made sure she was safe so it's not throwing out as such. It's so hard to say. My sister was like this at this age and my mum threw her out. She just seemed to enjoy the attention and drama that came with that.

Oswin, well done. The voice of reason.

All we hear about these days is bullying going on in the class room etc.

This is pure and simple abuse of one adult by another adult. It wouldn't be tolerated in the work place or at college so why should it be tolerated at home?

@AngelsOnHigh
Because, as I said unless there is a massive back story. This isn’t the work place
This is the person you gave birth too. The person you love above all others. If they overstep a live, it’s not just John from accounting it’s your child
CHILD

I have three teenagers including one with severely challenging behaviour. Kicking her out for swearing and following you around being rude is a ridiculous overreaction. Unless there’s a massive backstory you’re not sharing.

She’s 17 (ie under 18) so safeguarding concerns will be raised by this (& possibly an alert). That will be why the college phoned ‘blabbering on’. The college may have to log an alert to cover their own arses. I doubt it will lead to much as she’s over 16, but you may have to have further conversations about it.

College have no choice but to act on what a student tells them.
I have been a college lecturer and had one terrible teen (was smug with first and just assumed that her behaviour was down to good parenting. Dd2 had same parenting, had to eat up all that smugness). Interestingly when dd2 got to adulthood she was diagnosed with adhd.

It's not just the fact she called me a cunt. All I did was give her the date her phone contract will be running out. She became incredibly abusive and nasty, wishing I was dead. It was upsetting so I took myself away so she followed me, taking the piss out of the fact I was upset and started calling me a cunt. Maybe I am too emotional but my mum has recently passed away and it hit me hard when DD was being nasty, it really did. I begged her to leave me alone and she just wouldn't, demanding she would if I renewed her contract. I'm sorry but she is almost 18, she isn't 14 or 15. I wouldn't let her be on the streets, I did tell her to leave but it was 4pm in the afternoon. When it was getting dark, I suggested to my eldest that she stay in her flat while eldest was visiting.

People on here are also just nasty. Thank you to the people who have tried to be supportive, really appreciate it.

You genuinely sound like a teenager yourself. You’re the mother.
And I’m sorry for your loss

If your husband did the same would you throw him out of your house, or would you think it’s his house too. And I might ask him to leave tomorrow, but right now I can’t.

Yes if my husband was following me from room to room, shouting at me, calling me a cunt & generally being an abusive arsehole I'd throw him out there & then not wait until fucking tomorrow & ask him to leave!

OP's DD is essentially an adult & needs to learn that she can't treat people in this way - OP has asked to be left alone & tried to remove herself from the situation yet her DD has continued to hound her if this was anyone else it would be considered harassment & there would be cries of "call the police", "log it with 101 so there's a record" but because it's a teenager it's considered acceptable... is it fuck & I say this as someone whose father refers to my teenage self as a demented Rottweiler but if I called my mother a cunt I'd have been knocked into next week!

4pm is only an hour away from darkness where I live.

You did make her homeless. You withdrew your home and you let her leave thinking she has no where to go. Sounds like it was a short sharp shock that she needed though. I think you need to focus on fixing things moving forward. Maybe get you both some family counselling to improve things.

FFS I cant believe people on here who are saying that a 17 year old is a CHILD - I was working from age 15 and at age 17 I was married and running my own home, a 17 year old is not a child but a young adult who is old enough to take responsibility for her own actions and certainly too old to indulge in teenage tantrums, OP what is your other DDS opinion on this, is she supporting you ? maybe your younger DD will listen to her older sister if she wont listen to you, it happened to me when my youngest sister was 16 she turned up at my flat after having a massive row with my mum, when I phoned mum to tell her sister was safe she was in tears due to the way my sister had spoken to her, I sat my sister down and gave her a lecture from hell reminding her about everything mum had done for her and then taking her home and making her apologise, she didn't do it again and until mums death they had a wonderful close relationship.

Not trying to be nasty - just saying that kicking her out for swearing and a verbal row is an over reaction and will probably trigger safeguarding issues (well has, that will be why they phoned). They have to follow their procedures to cover their own arses. They need to know she has secure accommodation because without that she will be very vulnerable and if anything happens to her they will get their arses kicked (see the news yesterday about the 17 year old bought a tent by a social worker in Cornwall).

Can you get some counselling or look into some sort of support for yourself? Teens turning into twats about phones is pretty normal. The last row I had with my 16 year old middle son (who is usually very easy as far as teens go) was because I said I wasn’t buying him an £800 phone for Xmas. He can’t ever have thought I would agree but he still got arsey because that’s what teens do. Escalating a verbal row to kicking someone out is not so typical and it may well be worth seeking some support. There will be more verbal rows.

How does she respond to discussing ground rules when calm?

Oldsu - times have changed. Under 18’s are treated as children by public bodies and can hold parents to account as if they are children.