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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell the MIL to go fuck herself?

157 replies

GoJetterGirl · 31/10/2018 19:05

Before I start, the daily mail can go fuck themselves too...

Right, for those of you in the know from my other threads, you’ll easily get the context:

Child with significant health issues and is currently treated as palliative, but is stable and showing no significant signs of progressing any further st this precise moment in time (but for all intents and purposes, at least not this weekend, which is what I want you to bear in mind...)

I have an amazing amount of support from my adoptive sister who is also a mumsmetter...

Aforementioned sister is trained to administer the medications DS is currently on,

So, a while back I had a mini breakdown which was a combination of 3 years of literally no time to myself, needing to shake myself loose for one night and spent some time with my DH alone, even if it is only dinner and perhaps a film...

Sister suggests that we make a night of it, staying local so that we can quickly return if we are needed urgently.

DS is speaking with his grandparents and casually mentions that my sister is coming over Friday “so mummy and daddy can go out without me, and have some time away”

MIL decides that as a mother I shouldn’t be having any time away from DS and I’m not motherly and don’t want to be a mother Angry

Yeah, all this based on one night when it would be our first proper night out out since before DS was born!

Suffice to say I told her that I do need a break sometime and given that I’m on call 24/7 for DS and have been forever, DH and I are entitled to one night where we can be together Shock or am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
joopy79 · 31/10/2018 19:06

Yes, enjoy yourself

BrevilleTron · 31/10/2018 19:07

Hell no. She can get to fuck.

Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 31/10/2018 19:07

Thank you joopy79

OP posts:
SmileEachDay · 31/10/2018 19:07

She should indeed go fuck herself. 🤬

Don’t waste your precious energy though.

Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 31/10/2018 19:07

Thank you Brevilletron

OP posts:
Livpool · 31/10/2018 19:08

Your MIL is a horror, of course you deserve (and need!) a night off xx

DawgLover · 31/10/2018 19:08

Have a lovely night OP. I hope it's enough to feel like a break, and you are totally reasonable to need/want/do it x

Notreallyhappy · 31/10/2018 19:08

Feel free to do that...you need time as a couple, you've not always been mummy your you.
I'll do it for you if you like....my mil is an old bag too xx

DowntonCrabby · 31/10/2018 19:08

You are a bloody strong woman not to have genuinely told her to fuck the actual fuck off. Presumably ta double standards for her precious son?!

Witch AngryHalloween Angry

Troels · 31/10/2018 19:09

I agree with you, you need this, go and have a relaxing time for once.

Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 31/10/2018 19:09

I’d love to bury her under the patio, but we don’t currently have one Grin

OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 31/10/2018 19:09

*it’s not ta!

MrsTWH · 31/10/2018 19:09

So she thinks badly of you, but not her actual son for doing the same thing??

You deserve a break, enjoy.

OurMiracle1106 · 31/10/2018 19:10

OP. Self care is a MUST as a parent. A night off is you making sure that you are both mentally and physically ok to continue looking after your child.

Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 31/10/2018 19:10

Yeah definite double standards..

DH had a night out last month, and is having another before Christmas (with my blessing)

OP posts:
mimibunz · 31/10/2018 19:10

You don’t owe her an explanation; enjoy your night off!

Alpacanorange · 31/10/2018 19:11

Enjoy your evening.
Don’t waste your emotion on her, telling her to go FHS will be engaging in her shit speak. Best to ignore and give a smile or tinkly laugh.

Ohheyyy · 31/10/2018 19:12

And what about her son? He he not being fatherly?? She can do one Angry

BeeFarseer · 31/10/2018 19:15

I don't know your back story, but based on what you've written here, your MIL can go and fuck herself with a red-hot poker, and then do it again in her eyes.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 31/10/2018 19:15

Tell her to go fuck herself!!

OhmydearGod · 31/10/2018 19:15

You can't pour from an empty cup. Keeping yourself mentally well is paramount or you won't be able to care your Ds. Absolutely have an evening out.

kaytee87 · 31/10/2018 19:15

She's a fucking arsehole. To say to the mother of such a sick child that they don't want to be a mother is very low.
I take it her sons ok to go out of course 

Pfingstrose · 31/10/2018 19:16

OMG, what an utterly appalling thing to even think- let alone actually say out loud!!!!

The mind boggles... 

Go and enjoy your night away- being able to have a break is so important. It will do you the world of good, and your DS will benefit from having slightly recharged and refreshed parents.

Hidingtonothing · 31/10/2018 19:16

I would point blank refuse to let this wind me up, she is so far beyond unreasonable my head would explode if I gave this shit a second’s headspace so I would have to just....not. Maybe try and embarrass her into behaving with some basic decency by saying stuff like ‘I can’t look after others if I don’t look after myself’? I don’t know what else you can do with people like this OP.

Whatever happens please don’t let her spoil your tiny bit of time away, you do need it and, needless to say, it doesn’t make you any less ‘motherly’, quite the reverse Flowers

0lgaDaPolga · 31/10/2018 19:16

None of her business at all, go enjoy your evening out and don’t give her a second thought. It sounds like a break will do you the world of good.