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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell the MIL to go fuck herself?

157 replies

GoJetterGirl · 31/10/2018 19:05

Before I start, the daily mail can go fuck themselves too...

Right, for those of you in the know from my other threads, you’ll easily get the context:

Child with significant health issues and is currently treated as palliative, but is stable and showing no significant signs of progressing any further st this precise moment in time (but for all intents and purposes, at least not this weekend, which is what I want you to bear in mind...)

I have an amazing amount of support from my adoptive sister who is also a mumsmetter...

Aforementioned sister is trained to administer the medications DS is currently on,

So, a while back I had a mini breakdown which was a combination of 3 years of literally no time to myself, needing to shake myself loose for one night and spent some time with my DH alone, even if it is only dinner and perhaps a film...

Sister suggests that we make a night of it, staying local so that we can quickly return if we are needed urgently.

DS is speaking with his grandparents and casually mentions that my sister is coming over Friday “so mummy and daddy can go out without me, and have some time away”

MIL decides that as a mother I shouldn’t be having any time away from DS and I’m not motherly and don’t want to be a mother Angry

Yeah, all this based on one night when it would be our first proper night out out since before DS was born!

Suffice to say I told her that I do need a break sometime and given that I’m on call 24/7 for DS and have been forever, DH and I are entitled to one night where we can be together Shock or am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
NoOffence · 31/10/2018 20:12

So what did she do when she had an incredibly sick 3 year old to look after - oh that’s right - she was never in that situation so what the fuck does she know?!

Vampiratequeen · 31/10/2018 20:15

Vile woman. Got out, enjoy yourself. I don't mean this to sound horrible, as that isn't how it is meant but you will be more use to your son if you get away for the night and de-stress, than if you don't.

Lovinglifemostly · 31/10/2018 20:17

You need a break. DH and I don't get away often but when we do we come back revived and having missed the kids. They also need a break from us at times. Your MIL should mind her business. If you wanted her input you would have asked for it.

chocolateworshipper · 31/10/2018 20:18

I would like to volunteer my patio OP

Uggywuggy · 31/10/2018 20:18

You definitely deserve a break!! And also a (permanent) break from her, she’s a horrid old cow!!! Enjoy!!!

BangingOn · 31/10/2018 20:19

I’ve followed all of your threads and as a parent of a child who has had cancer my heart breaks for you. What I cannot understand is why you haven’t cut your PIL off or at the very least stopped having direct contact with them yourself. They are vile and they continue to hurt you deeply therefore your DH should be protecting you- if he wants contact then fine, but you don’t get to hear their poison either first or second hand.

PeapodBurgundy · 31/10/2018 20:19

Have a wonderful evening OP. Give me a shout if you want help to build a patio to bury MIL under. You can then use it to relax on during the periods you're not able to pop away for the night. Al Fresco dining can be quite lovely :-)

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 31/10/2018 20:25

She is a poisonous bitch of long standing. Ignore her, she isn't capable of better. Of course you need a break. You are giving everything you have to caring for your child, and you need to make sure that there is always something left in reserve.
You keep enough fuel in your car, don't you? Refuel yourself, breathe deeply and enjoy a moment or two of calm.
(I don't have a patio, but I have a boat and a sharp spade. Just say the word!).

LemonMousse · 31/10/2018 20:31

She sounds dreadful. Maybe it's guilt that SHE'S not doing her bit to support you.
Put her out of your mind and enjoy your break.

WitchesBritches · 31/10/2018 20:36

One night out in 3 years is excessive, I don’t know what you think you’re playing at?!

How you haven’t murdered the bitch yet I don’t know. I would have gone NC LONG before now, and that’s without the stress of DS’s health.

This though, it’s so far past acceptable that there wouldn’t be any coming back from it,

Enjoy it and if you’re your sister is up for it, do it again very soon.

BackInRed · 31/10/2018 20:40

Your MIL is a cunt.

Enjoy your time away with your husband. 😊

NotTheQueen · 31/10/2018 20:42

I’ll be honest, given your child’s illness and the impact it has on you and your DH, I’m not surprised you cracked. I’d like to respectfully suggestion you take a break like this regularly, or even just a coffee date together. There’s lots of waffle about ‘self care’ but this is definitely a self care situation - if you don’t replenish yourselves, you’ll likely fall over again.
Tell your MIL to take a long walk off a short plank
HUGS

shadypines · 31/10/2018 20:50

Basically OP, your MIL sounds stupid (that's putting it politely).

IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE

MadeForThis · 31/10/2018 20:54

Tell her to go fuck herself with a spiky hedgehog.

Have a wonderful time. You and your husband sound amazing.

ListenToTheWords · 31/10/2018 20:56

I hope she has earache from the strong words your DH had with her.

I've lurked on your threads and, quite honestly, your MIL is an uncompassionate, self-righteous, hurtful beast. Why, oh why, have you not limited your contact with this pernicious, poisonous witch before now?

poglets · 31/10/2018 20:56

Surround yourself with people who support you. Cut her off. I think what she said is appalling.

AiryFairyUnicornRainbow · 31/10/2018 21:05

Your MIL is a cunt

Was just going to type this sentiment hahaha

OP you deserve a bloody medal

LunaLovegoodsRadishes · 31/10/2018 21:07

My cousin has Rhett Syndrome, and without respite care my aunt and uncle would have gone around the twist...!

Enjoy yourself, and tell you MIL to fuck off, then some, and then further still around the corner. Then further again.

Paradyning · 31/10/2018 21:12

Hope you enjoy your fabulous break OP. I'm in a similar situation and would love that!
Have you access to respite care? Or hospice care to give you more of a break? We have respite once a week and it's amazing what it does. Incredible charities that support it.

MothertotheLordsofmisrule · 31/10/2018 21:16

Happy to join the team of MN landscapers.Grin

I read a blog about someone who had a “Wok List”, this is a list of people who would be getting twonked with a wok come the revolution. I feel your MIL will make a fine start to my list.

VillanellesBrownWig · 31/10/2018 21:16

Have a lovely time op. Mil can go fuck herself Halloween Angry

PietariKontio · 31/10/2018 21:22

She can fuck right off, then continue to fuck off until she gets to fuck off central.

Have a flipping great time the both of you

Dhalandchips · 31/10/2018 21:22

Enjoy and don't give the miserable baggage another thought!

Jamiefraserskilt · 31/10/2018 21:34

Why do you need a night out when you get two minutes toilet time three or four times a day? that is more than enough!
Hmm
Have a great night, you deserve it.
Mither in law can disappear up her own arse whilst polishing her fecking halo.

peanutbear · 31/10/2018 21:38

I hope you have a fantastic break, enjoy yourself.
I personally would have thought and grand parent would want to help in your situation jot make it worse.

I'm happy to help you lay that patio.