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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell the MIL to go fuck herself?

157 replies

GoJetterGirl · 31/10/2018 19:05

Before I start, the daily mail can go fuck themselves too...

Right, for those of you in the know from my other threads, you’ll easily get the context:

Child with significant health issues and is currently treated as palliative, but is stable and showing no significant signs of progressing any further st this precise moment in time (but for all intents and purposes, at least not this weekend, which is what I want you to bear in mind...)

I have an amazing amount of support from my adoptive sister who is also a mumsmetter...

Aforementioned sister is trained to administer the medications DS is currently on,

So, a while back I had a mini breakdown which was a combination of 3 years of literally no time to myself, needing to shake myself loose for one night and spent some time with my DH alone, even if it is only dinner and perhaps a film...

Sister suggests that we make a night of it, staying local so that we can quickly return if we are needed urgently.

DS is speaking with his grandparents and casually mentions that my sister is coming over Friday “so mummy and daddy can go out without me, and have some time away”

MIL decides that as a mother I shouldn’t be having any time away from DS and I’m not motherly and don’t want to be a mother Angry

Yeah, all this based on one night when it would be our first proper night out out since before DS was born!

Suffice to say I told her that I do need a break sometime and given that I’m on call 24/7 for DS and have been forever, DH and I are entitled to one night where we can be together Shock or am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
LavenderBush · 31/10/2018 21:40

I know your MIL has been called a cunt many times on this thread, but I would still like to take the opportunity to call her a cunt as well.

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 31/10/2018 21:43

Enjoy the time away. You need it. Your child needs a functioning happy mum.

MIL? She can you know what!

DartmoorDoughnut · 31/10/2018 21:44

I genuinely detest your MIL Angry

Have an amazing night away, you both deserve it and your lovely DS will have an awesome time with your sister Flowers

jcsp · 31/10/2018 21:55

Your sister’s got her head screws on the right way.

Sadly your MIL hasn’t.

You need a break but your MIL hasn’t the empathy to see that for herself.

Have a nice time.

Ngaio2 · 31/10/2018 22:02

So pleased have your wonderful sisteree to care for your DS so yo can have this much needed break. Hope it’s a great one.

ShamelesslyPlacemarking · 31/10/2018 22:04

I've seen at least half a dozen of your threads, and actually can't remember a single voice ever dissenting from the proposition that your MIL is an A-class bitch and should be cheerfully ignored.

No advice, but I do have a patio if you need one.

lilyblue5 · 31/10/2018 22:07

Please go, you need to look after you as well as everyone else or you will go crazy. I hope you have a lovely evening and have a moment to relax x

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 31/10/2018 22:11

Fucking hell, that woman is a cunt!

I’m reasonably sure we could have a whip round and buy you a patio to bury her under if that’s helpful?!

Go and enjoy some time to yourself. It’s so so important x

Rachel0Greep · 31/10/2018 22:12

She doesn't get to have an opinion on this. It's none of her business. Ignore. Enjoy your break and remember that you need breaks, and self care. Flowers

Sexnotgender · 31/10/2018 22:12

Tell her to fuck off and I hope you have a lovely time with your husband.

If you ever need an alibi I’m sure a mumsnetter will help you outWink

daffodilbrain · 31/10/2018 22:17

I thinks it essential you go out, enjoy yourself and unwind. You'll be able to cope better. Relax and enjoy

Doubletrouble99 · 31/10/2018 22:24

Just ridiculous, what an arsehole she is, how can she possibly be for real. Go have a lovely relaxing time. I have some small idea of what you are going through we adopted two siblings with additional needs and all our 'support network' disappeared as soon as everyone saw what hard work they were! I have ended up being diagnosed with PTSD and have to take anti depressants to keep going. Getting any rest bit was an absolute godsend. Have a great time, you deserve it.

Darkbendis · 31/10/2018 22:30

She can fuck right off, then continue to fuck off until she gets to fuck off central.

And then she can fuck off a bit more.

OP, I am glad your DS is stable atm. Enjoy your night out/mini break, both you and DH deserve it. And ignore the bitch, that's all she deserves from you. While she fucks off to Fuckville Town.

mildshock · 31/10/2018 22:31

I remember you previous threads about your batshit PIL. I've been thinking of you and your family Thanks

Just ignore ignore ignore. You are never being unreasonable when it comes to them. Go and enjoy your mini-break!

MrsTommyBanks · 31/10/2018 23:06

Ffs is this cunt still going on.
Go and have a break. You are an amazing Mum and my heart goes out to you having to cope with her on top of the horrific illness your DS is going through Flowers

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 31/10/2018 23:23

First rule of caring is self care- and you need some. Your mini break sounds lovely and much needed.

MiL needs to off-fuck!!! Is she also a wee bit jealous that she's not stepping into the breech? If she can't have him you can't go? I recall from previous threads that there is no way in hell that this would happen (and quite rightly) for lots of reasons including her being a hell-bitch. Tough shit, MiL.

theworldistoosmall · 31/10/2018 23:26

Wow. A rare thing on mn. Should tell you everything op when every single poster is telling you to go and relax.

ohfourfoxache · 31/10/2018 23:45

Fucking hell she is a nasty, toxic cunt Angry

I think this time you need to put a huge distance between you and severely limit contact. Being in contact isn’t doing any of you any good and is just feeding the batshit.

How is DS doing?

LivLemler · 01/11/2018 04:43

I've seen some of your previous threads. We get a lot of stories of terrible relatives on MN, but I can't think of any as bad as your ILs.

I hope you have a wonderful night away. Every good wish to you and your DS.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/11/2018 05:50

Im sure you are praying for the day when your dh is strong enough to cut his parents off. Going low contact is a great idea and there are very few occasion for you to need to speak to the ils.

You do realise that they spoke about you not your dh because they are permanently looking to enmesh themselves in your lives? By calling them up your dh has given them exactly what they want. The best way to handle this sort of situation is to hang up the phone to them and not to react.

As you are going low contact, could you act as the gatekeeper to ensure less of this shit will get through?

I’ve been on your other threads. The only one certainty is that unless you and your dh change the situation it’s not going to change. They are such awful awful people and the irony being here is a woman, who was and still is a shit mother / gp criticising an excellent one.

To hang on your parents every word as an adult is not normal as you know. Perhaps having the weekend to yourselves will help you to take a step back and realise you are independent adults and thus put some perspective on the in law situation.

I’m really glad your ds is stable atm. Go and have a well earned break. Flowers

tiredgirly · 01/11/2018 06:02

Yanbu , of course you are t.
but what your child said sounds a bit heartbreaking. Could you not have sold it as something different to needing time away from him.? That seems to be how your D's understands it

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 01/11/2018 06:06

Is this evil old cow still going.on? Bloody hell OP ..I will lay you a patio,dig it up and re lay you one after! Go and have a break lovely lady and as for her well her day will come I promise you...you have been magnificent for your family where as She on the other hand has been vile...Go ,,,go on..off you pop ..do you want some help to pack?! Fuck her and the horse she rode in on!She is nothing to you...

HoppingPavlova · 01/11/2018 06:29

Not sure what she is actually adding to your life (other than angst obviously). If only adding angst why don't you simply go NC? Serious question. Even if your DH wants, for whatever reason, to put up with batshit behaviour, you don't have to. You can opt out.

BooEekCackle · 01/11/2018 06:31

Your MIL is the worst kind of person there is. What kind of a person kicks someone when they are down? Your situation sounds very stressful and instead of supporting you she is adding to the stress. I'll tell you what kind of person does this, a fucking vile selfish one with no compassion.

I don't know why you are still speaking to her TBH. Cutting her out would be one less thing on your list to have to worry about.

Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 01/11/2018 06:35

Could you not have sold it as something different to needing time away from him.? That seems to be how your D's understands it

It wasn’t sold to DS that way, we gave him plenty of notice that his daddy and I are going out for the evening, bearing in mind he sleeps for most of the evening anyway, we are fortunate to have respite for a couple of hours a week. DS reacted quite badly at the idea of me and his dad being away from him for the evening (bear in mind I’ve not left him at all through the last few years) and his respite nurse told him “mummies and daddies need time away to themselves sometimes”. He had a total meltdown when his dad left to go out for the evening last month and to be honest, it only concreted MILs misguided belief that I am a shit mother as DS “obviously prefers his daddy to be at home, but daddies need time away from childcare” so yeah, DS has to then have the fact that mummies are entitled to a break too explained to him in no uncertain terms, otherwise I would Get to Friday and May find myself cancelling, so whilst the respite nurse was probably clumsy explaining it to him, he fully gets it.

As per my previous threads, MIL has a way of perceiving things to be meant exactly as they’re said, rather than taking in the persons body language and the tone behind the speech, DS was smiling as he told her that Auntie is coming to take care of him and his explaination of why she is coming was in response to the question “why does your mother need to go out with your father for the evening?”

OP posts: