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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell the MIL to go fuck herself?

157 replies

GoJetterGirl · 31/10/2018 19:05

Before I start, the daily mail can go fuck themselves too...

Right, for those of you in the know from my other threads, you’ll easily get the context:

Child with significant health issues and is currently treated as palliative, but is stable and showing no significant signs of progressing any further st this precise moment in time (but for all intents and purposes, at least not this weekend, which is what I want you to bear in mind...)

I have an amazing amount of support from my adoptive sister who is also a mumsmetter...

Aforementioned sister is trained to administer the medications DS is currently on,

So, a while back I had a mini breakdown which was a combination of 3 years of literally no time to myself, needing to shake myself loose for one night and spent some time with my DH alone, even if it is only dinner and perhaps a film...

Sister suggests that we make a night of it, staying local so that we can quickly return if we are needed urgently.

DS is speaking with his grandparents and casually mentions that my sister is coming over Friday “so mummy and daddy can go out without me, and have some time away”

MIL decides that as a mother I shouldn’t be having any time away from DS and I’m not motherly and don’t want to be a mother Angry

Yeah, all this based on one night when it would be our first proper night out out since before DS was born!

Suffice to say I told her that I do need a break sometime and given that I’m on call 24/7 for DS and have been forever, DH and I are entitled to one night where we can be together Shock or am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
OldBean2 · 31/10/2018 19:43

Have a brilliant evening,you deserve it!

hdh747 · 31/10/2018 19:45

And as she hasn't offered to help out so you can get a much needed breather I suppose she isn't very grandmotherly and doesn't want to be a grandmother then?...

Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 31/10/2018 19:47

DH is currently yelling down the phone at her :) I did end up shouting out “go fuck your self”

DH has turned our night out into a mini break (naice hotel room, dinner, breakfast, and paying to have my nails and a facial the day before Smile) — also hopeful of a damn good seeing to —

OP posts:
FFSFFSFFS · 31/10/2018 19:49

Oh I remember your previous threads.

I am AMAZED that you still even talk to the woman or allow her and husband anywhere near you.

I think my advice on one of your other threads was you would be being polite to tell her to fuck the fuck off to fuckery.

I see no reason to change my advice.

A truly awful person.

Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 31/10/2018 19:50

Thank you to everyone for reassuring me IANBU, with the constant shit that pours from that woman’s pothole you kind of begin to self doubt, great to know that my rage is valid

OP posts:
Theweasleytwins · 31/10/2018 19:50

How could you possibly need time for yourself!

You need to keep yourself healthy to look after your lo💖

Ohheyyy · 31/10/2018 19:50

Oh, it's valid! And we are all raging with you.

jilldoyoulikeowls · 31/10/2018 19:51

You can't pour from an empty cup.

Ignore and enjoy. Your sister sounds wonderful.

IamEarthymama · 31/10/2018 19:51

You know she's wrong don't you?
Those of us with an ounce of compassion will be agog and uncomprehending at your MIL's behaviour.
I can't believe she is being so horrid.

Enjoy yourself and make this as regular a thing as you can!
ThanksGinStar

Windgate · 31/10/2018 19:52

@GoJetterGirl the first rule of being a carer is take care of your self. Your DSis is a super star, go and enjoy your mini mini break with your DH.
MiniJetter will be having loads of fun with his lovely aunt.

7yo7yo · 31/10/2018 19:55

I remember you previous threads.
I’m glad your son is stable at the minute.
I’m surprised you haven’t gone NC yet.
It doesn’t sound like she gives a fuck.
Enjoy your time away Flowers

FFSFFSFFS · 31/10/2018 19:57

You would be totally and utterly reasonable to go No Contact by the way.

I know its a very difficult time for you and your husband - but the question is would going No Contact make it more or less horrible.

To be honest it sounds like it would make it less horrible even with the horribleness that can come with the actual step of going NC.

xx

bettytaghetti · 31/10/2018 20:00

Who did she say this to? MIL decides that as a mother I shouldn’t be having any time away from DS and I’m not motherly and don’t want to be a mother. I really hope it wasn't your DS.

Of course you need, not to mention deserve, a break. Go and have a fabulous time! The whole of mumsnet commands you!

Rosiepicnic · 31/10/2018 20:02

I would gladly offer you the use of my patio if you want it. I'll even help you dig Grin
Please enjoy your much needed break & don't give that cow a second thought

Daisymay2 · 31/10/2018 20:03

I remember your earlier threads too. She still has no compassion has she?
Glad your husband is yelling at her, hope she heard your comment, lovely that he is giving you a proper mini break and a bit of a pamper and your sister is fantastic. YANBU
As for MIL - just ignore her- she is a viscous old bat. Bet she is delighted when her DS gets a night out and it is no reflection on his parenting is it??

jane251 · 31/10/2018 20:03

Write her a letter telling her not to open up this subject again. And also tell her to fuck off.Include a suggestion that she ring your doctor as you are suffering from a nervous disorder.

Daisymay2 · 31/10/2018 20:03

PS My patio needs to be relaid......

caringdenise009 · 31/10/2018 20:04

I'm so sorry for your situation OP, I remember your previous posts.

Obviously go out with your husband whenever and as often as you need to.

Why is it that your husband still hasn't addressed this? It is his responsibility and him shirking this just is not on.

Petalflowers · 31/10/2018 20:06

paving slabs

Some paving slabs for your new patio...

Have a lovely evening and hugs to your dc as well.

Maelstrop · 31/10/2018 20:06

I’m amazed you even still talk to her. She’s a nightmare! You know you’re not being U. Don’t give her the headspace, just ignore her.

Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 31/10/2018 20:06

Who did she say this to? MIL decides that as a mother I shouldn’t be having any time away from DS and I’m not motherly and don’t want to be a mother. I really hope it wasn't your DS.

She said it over Skype to me in front of DS, I’ve now deleted our skype and will be limiting contact, she really can go fuck herself this time, how dare she judge me by her own shit standards of being a mother, she forgets I live with her son and it’s taken years to get him to the point where he doesn’t follow her every demand!

OP posts:
Boohissmiss · 31/10/2018 20:07

Your DH needs to set her straight . She sounds like a right horror. You go and enjoy yourself . For context I have a night away every month with my DH I wonder what she would make of me .

Fishcakey · 31/10/2018 20:07

Have a fantastic evening xxx

Chucky16 · 31/10/2018 20:08

Has MIL never offered to help out, you know, like say she will have her dgs one night to give you a break? In my eyes she’s not much of a grandmother if she hasn’t! She probably resents that it is your adoptive sister who is helping out. The old story, I don’t want to do it, but I don’t want anyone else to either!
Does she not get that the fact you have had a mini breakdown. Does the selfish old cow not give a f**k about that? You are a bloody amazing mother, looking after your son (yes I know it’s a mother’s job) but you do need some time to yourself to recharge and carry on. What does your dear mil want.....you to run yourself into the ground?
I do think dh has to have some words with her, and show his support for you. Please do look after yourself and ignore this evil bitch. Personally I would ban her from the house until she makes a grovelling apology to youxx

Nanny0gg · 31/10/2018 20:09

She is absolutely vile.

Why is she still in your lives?

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