To ask if you regret educating your kids privately?

[ifeelsoextraordinary]

Having the state v private debate at the moment for our D.C....it would be a huge stretch but do-able. If you sent your kids to private education, do you think it was worth it? Would you do it again?

I don’t regret the current Independent Senior School, but the Prep school was a feeder to their own not very selective Senior School so their prep for Entrance exams was deliberately low key. She’d have been better off in state school prepping for SATS.

State boarding is far from free though in case anyone was wondering. It is a very valued income stream and once you start as a boarder they often won't let you swop to be a day pupil because of this.

We never considered private education, we are lucky to have an excellent, outstanding ofsted rated state school on our doorstep.

Fluffy he is lucky in that respect. Private schooling is no guarantee of protection from this. The thing is what you describe for your DH is something that the vast majority of state school students get too.
There was bullying in both state and private IME. I think you have a combination of your being very under-whelming, and his, a shining example of a good all round education, in private.
One DC went to state, achieved highly, secured oxbridge. Confident, great sporting opportunities, likewise leadership and generally well rounded education.
Private schools are rife with bullying, of historical note, and widely acknowledged. Having a fag is a private school institution. They are not all that. There are great ones and they should be far exceeding based on the class sizes, but they dont, and there's a lot to be said for state.
How on earth, for example, does an 8 yr old, in a class of 8 have to do summer school to catch up?! 8 students!
It's just not as simple as one or other.

@xenia I think it does open doors - into Oxbridge universities which in turn open doors to jobs/ academia etc. My DH has parents who ate intelligent but shy and not well connected. They prioritised his education. I have been surprised how easily he has ended up in positions where he was given opportunities that I would not have been given. I can say for sure it is not his superior social skills!

Applying to Oxbridge university was unheard of in my school, even though there were intelligent kids. The culture was not one of aspiration, we were told we'd be lucky to get a job ( we were in the top sets of the school and I am now a professional so have some academic ability)

*yours

My example..oxbridge

I didn't go to Oxbridge from mmy private school and nor did any of my 5 children for that matter. In fact no one had ever been to Oxbridge from my private school until a younger sibling went and my sons didn't try last year but no one who did try got in there from their year. So I don't think it necessarily equals Oxbridge. However I agree with you that most private schools do have a culture of aspiration and I suppose any group of parents who are prepared to work so hard and put so much of their money aside on education along probably are going to want their children to find what career is right for them.

It's all about the right school for the child. It is alot of money and we had to compromise on many things to manage it. They did lots - small classes, opportunities etc but overall they have been poor in some core areas. Private schools are a business and opporate as such. Our choice was to avoid local state schools which would have not been right but as we reach the end I have mixed feelings. We will opt out at sixth form now we have more choice. It is not just the fees but all the extras and depending on the school how others may treat them if they don't have second homes, staff etc!!! Horses for courses.

My kids go to state school and I teach in a comp. Of all my peers on my teacher training course, the ones who struggled to pass and quality are now the ones that work in private schools... they couldn't get jobs in a state school. Just my experience but a worthy point to note. I would never send mind (and not just because my teacher salary wouldn't allow it). Quality education should be available for everyone, not just those who can afford it.

I was privately educated. I would never send my own DC to private school due to my own experience, although I do recognise there will of course be examples of good and bad practice in both the independent and state sector.

Whilst I did very well academically, socially and emotionally it was not a healthy environment. I went to three different private schools, they were all cut-throat and competitive. The pressure to perform was immense and our Teachers would regularly remind us "your parents are paying a lot of money for your education". You would think teenagers wouldn't care about that but actually it made me very anxious. I felt that because my parents were making sacrifices I had to work extra hard to be "worthy". Evidently I wasn't the only one feeling this pressure, Eating Disorders, self harm and drug use were absolutely rife but it was all very much swept under the carpet as pastoral care was absolutely non-existent at all three independent schools I attended. Sexual harassment was also endemic in the independent schools I went to for secondary and then sixth form
The sense of arrogance entitlement that some of the boys felt due to their wealth seemed to impact on their attitude to their female peers- they were young men who were very used to getting what they wanted. Again, this was brushed under the carpet by the schools.

I would also say that if the fees are "a real stretch" then you need to think very carefully about all the extras that a private education will entail. The fees are just the start. There will be trips abroad, expensive activities etc that while not necessarily compulsory there may be a lot pressure to take up.

*mine

I went to private for both primary and secondary and my primary school was ok, but it was a big commute so we went more local for secondary. My mum feels i was neglected at the secondary school, I was bullied relentlessly, once nearly having my arm broken, self harming etc. It was very focused on academia, with not much in the way of pastoral care. When my mum had a meeting with my form tutor, she admitted "Well to be honest with you cadbury is such a good girl I've ignored her for most of the year".

They did a GCSE certificates presentation evening and in the info/leaflet they gave out to everyone it listed every pupil's name and how many As/A*s they got. I knew then I'd made the right decision to leave for a state sixth form!

As for grades, I was a "middle kid". I did ok at GCSE, not amazing but I struggled with maths so managed to scrape a pass. I benefitted from the leg up, I think. With regards to my friends I made there, some of whom got straight As, but there is still a mix of careers - doctor, vet, SAHM, occupational therapist, travel agent, entry level office worker, academic, museum curator, varying grades of office worker.

I agree with whoever said it is the right school for the child and that you can't buy grades.

We cannot afford private education for our DC so it is not something we are thinking about. My friend who is a doctor is married to a solicitor and they are not sure they will be able to afford private education. Back when I was in school, most of my friends' mums were SAHMs and their dads were in good careers, but they managed to pay for school fees for 2-3 children. That world has changed.

Totally depends on school- mine have been at two different private schools and the much more expensive one was a complete waste of money. My girls were very happy there but it was all smoke and mirrors and good PR. They have now moved to another one in a different part of the UK and the standard of teaching is far higher and we are now having to play catch up.

Of all my peers on my teacher training course, the ones who struggled to pass and qualify are now the ones that work in private schools... they couldn't get jobs in a state school.

I would never send mind (and not just because my teacher salary wouldn't allow it). Quality education should be available for everyone, not just those who can afford it

How can these two statements both be true?

Having a fag is a private school institution

Fagging was abolished decades ago.

Watching

@shriek - glad to hear the majority of state school kids will have a good time! I think I have quite a biased view from my school, although I wouldn't change it. It has been far more useful in my job understanding the backgrounds people come from and the struggle of growing up in poverty.

@xenia definitely a culture of aspiration in private school. It's a real shame when kids are fed the message they are worth nothing, many will stop even bothering.

I'm concluding from this I went to a really shit state school! However, I would say if you were interested in learning in my school you would still suceed. I agree having parents who value education makes a huge difference.

We have one DS, who's nearly 7, and he goes to a private school. We've made sacrifices, both work full-time and can only afford it because we have just one child, but it's a great school and far better than our local schools. Due to the traffic the commute takes around 30-45 minutes each day, but we manage. He's so happy at school.

He may have been just as happy at the local schools without the commute

I certainly regret my own private education. Yes I've done well (medicine) but have had to spend the last 20 years trying to fashion some sort of role that I can tolerate (not hate) as a doctor. I'm now doing minimal clinical work. I often wonder if I'd have been happier (and my parents better-off in retirement) had I had stated in state sector after primary school.
My kids are in the local primary and seem to be doing well. I'd certainly not privately educate them with the aim of going to university. I'm really not sure it's worth it.
I may still consider private if it was the only option to remove them from a severe bullying situation.

...and this really is problem with private schools Fluffy existing with only part of the pop'n, set apart from the full realities of life with its diversity and particular issues.

No, quiet geeky boy with dyslexia who thrived at his private secondary after struggling at his state primary. The local state school is OK though so if no dyslexia and a boy in to football it may have been a different decision.

@quartermiss What I mean is that I don't agree that private education should exist. You shouldn't be able to "buy" a 'better' education, not that I think it is necessarily better as I've explained. Everyone should have the same opportunities regardless of wealth (because, let's face it, state schools are underfunded in comparison. I can't imagine a private school running out of glue sticks or textbooks, for example. )

We stretched for my eldest , it's my biggest regret. He missed out on making local friendships and it was no better a school fr encouraging pupils than the local comp. He hated it as being on a scholarship meant that he was looked down on by the rich kids.