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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you regret educating your kids privately?

254 replies

ifeelsoextraordinary · 31/10/2018 17:00

Having the state v private debate at the moment for our D.C....it would be a huge stretch but do-able. If you sent your kids to private education, do you think it was worth it? Would you do it again?

OP posts:
Shriek · 02/11/2018 22:56

looked down on by the rich kids just disgusting entitled twats, this is whats wrong with many PS. Who was talking about their DH not being bullied, pertinent point.

plaidlife · 02/11/2018 23:27

I actually find that DC in the private school are much less interested in brand names, wearing the right stuff etc than kids were in the state school. They are both good, nice schools but buying things second hand draws no comment in fee paying school, where as by late primary branding was starting to become more important in the state school. In the fee paying school the second hand uniform sale is mobbed.

RomanyRoots · 02/11/2018 23:30

My dd private school has some very rich kids, mc, wc, and benefits.
Nobody looks down on anyone, money or lack of it isn't important to the kids or parents.
I'm still the biggest hypocrite going though. Grin

jelliebelly · 02/11/2018 23:55

Kittensupthecurtains they might be doing the same degree now but that's not what a private education is solely about - you sound very smug

Bluntness100 · 03/11/2018 07:01

Gosh some really nasty bitter comments on here, I mean calling children disgusting entitled twats?

My daughter was privately educated from thr age of four. Her schools were excellent both with pastoral care and academically. In addition yes they had the additional facilities, from language, to music, to sport, to equaestrian. Class sizes were small. Always below sixteen and with a teaching assistant and teacher. The teachers were excellent. For the simple reason that like every other school, inc state, academic results matter. And you need good teachers to get those results. Good results is one of the factors that attracts parents to send their kids there and pay the fees.

Private schools are also ranked like state and they have also ofsted ratings.

Is it wrong people can or sometimes do have to pay for it and it's not available for others. Yes of course. Like everything in life from healthcare to clothing to food to housing, if you can afford better you can buy it.

Does it make the kids or their parents bad people. No. Does it mean every school is full of wealthy kids. No, plenty of teachers kids, bursary/scholarship kids, and plenty of kids whose parents scrimped and saved to send them there.

In my experience the kids don't care about other kids parents financial circumstances, they don't look further than the kid themselves. It's the parents who have these issues and sensitivities. Its never the kids themselves.

Fluffymullet · 03/11/2018 07:39

Bluntness, I hope my comment didn't offend. It certainly doesn't make the parents bad people, I'm sure most are prioritising their child's education sacrifing other things to pay for it.

I've just started looking at state infant schools and I'm quite shocked at how big the class sizes are 30+. How is a teacher meant to give attention to all their learning needs? Particularly with more and more pupils with special educational needs and less resources to support them.

I'm not sure why it makes me feel uneasy opting for private schools. I think it echos my thoughts on the NHS - why can't we demand the standard is raised for all rather than let those who can afford it pay for the privilege meaning it's harder for bright kids who come from poorer backgrounds to ever escape poverty? I saw so many kids in my school never reach their potential.That's a whole other debate in itself on modern Britain!!

Bluntness100 · 03/11/2018 08:59

I think a lot of work is being done to try to raise the standard of all state schools, too many fall below the requirements,

I don't think the answer is to take the hundreds of thousands of privately educated kids and put them in the system too, stretching it even further. We only have a finite amount of money, and a whole laundry list of things to spend it on, from healthcare, to education, to policing.

If state isn't good enough in some areas, that's what needs to be addressed.

Adversecamber22 · 03/11/2018 10:12

I can think of two dc of friends who were privately educated and are now in their early twenties who are shy and quiet people. They will always be shy and quiet people and neither attended University which is what their parents really wanted They had to really scrimp and save and make huge sacrifices to send their dc to private school.

I also have friends whose dc have thrived at their private schools. It's the individual child really.

We decided to send DS to the local comp and he got all A and A Stars apart from one C as he refused to study for that exam as he was dropping that subject. He has decided he wants to join the RAF as an officer and is excelling in his cadet force and is now learning how to fly. It's not something I expected at all, he spent years wanting to be an engineer. He got an excellent work experience placement with a world renowned engineering company and they told him they would consider sponsoring him through University because he did so well but he decided sitting at a desk for fifty years and then dying was not for him. It was literally what he said. That work experience literally changed his entire life plan.

There are so many ways life can pan out and until they are hitting their stride as a young adult we can never know if we made the right decision for them. What suits one child will not suit another.

So regardless of whatever choices we made for our own children the only person who knows your child is you. Good luck with your decision.

OneStepMoreFun · 03/11/2018 13:12

@Adversecamber22 - that's so exciting. good for your DS. A close friend's son went the same route - no uni, just straight into the RAF. He's having a fantastic time and earning a fortune.

GalateaDunkel · 03/11/2018 16:08

Bluntness

Say what you want, most private school kids are the children of parents who went to private school themselves and the families are monyed. And so the mediocre gravy train rumbles on and nothing really changes. Punish the children for the sins of their parents. It's bullshit and no one who send their kids to a private school has any business pretending they give a shit about a progressive society.

Shriek · 03/11/2018 16:13

I think if it truly was about choosing 'the best', certainly PS would NOT always be chosen.

We are talking here about choice, how many PS DC get that I'm beginning to wonder, whether they would even consider state bearing in mind statements like God only knows what would have happened to DC had they gone state, certainly things their parents couldn't manage

Growingboys · 03/11/2018 16:14

Shriek your posts are as inaccurate as they are hysterical. And I say that as someone who's chosen state schools for my DC.

Fags haven't existed for half a century.

Bullying happens everywhere.

And your description of private school children is vile.

Shriek · 03/11/2018 16:19

Yes it is truly vile that they exist.
I have already argued the case for bullying happening everywhere? So what am I saying that's not true?

Shriek · 03/11/2018 16:20

It is a truly vile disgustingly twatish attitude to fellow humans.

RTFT

JacquesHammer · 03/11/2018 16:22

We are talking here about choice, how many PS DC get that I'm beginning to wonder, whether they would even consider state bearing in mind statements like God only knows what would have happened to DC had they gone state, certainly things their parents couldn't manage

DD chose her secondary. She had the option of 2 state comps, 1 private and 1 state grammar. She chose the latter, followed by 1 of the state comps. Absolutely her choice.

If you want to abolish private schools, you need to sort out the school admission system first.

Amanduh · 03/11/2018 16:29

From my experience, in the long term... it’s not worth it. For their current experience it always was. For example, all the PS kids I know have no better jobs than SE kids on the whole. Lots of teachers, account managers, IT workers. PS went to better uni’s but the big picture by about 26-30 is the same.

Shriek · 03/11/2018 16:30

Who wants to abolish private schools? Who said that?

Debfronut · 03/11/2018 16:30

My daughter picked her private school at age 11. She was given all the choices in the area and picked a school 35 minutes away. Her choice and in year 10 she does not regret it. Its a lovely school full of normal working parents the rich kids are in the minority. Why should it not exist? Why is it vile?

JacquesHammer · 03/11/2018 16:32

Who wants to abolish private schools? Who said that?

It’s a common MN theme.

On a different point, I think it’s often assumed by “the best” you mean nothing more than the academic aspect, which - certainly for us - is of lesser importance than the pastoral side of any school.

Shriek · 03/11/2018 16:34

It's vile? Not exist? Where are you reading that, nobody has said that.

Shriek · 03/11/2018 16:36

No, please don't assume my meaning. Actually it's quite rude to make an assumption such as that, lingering I have more concern for academic success than personal success.
You are completely wrong.

Shriek · 03/11/2018 16:37

*Infering (not lingering)

JacquesHammer · 03/11/2018 16:39

Actually it's quite rude to make an assumption such as that, lingering I have more concern for academic success than personal success.
You are completely wrong

I didn’t linger (sic) that at all. I know several people who very openly feel “the best” refers to academic success.

I have absolutely no issue with anyone who chooses to do “the best” for their child. There also isn’t a correct definition of what “the best” is.

JacquesHammer · 03/11/2018 16:43

My apologies - cross posted, I assumed you meant “infer” but didn’t want to type words you didn’t!

Shriek · 03/11/2018 16:53

...its a huge and derogatory assumption just because you know some do that
If you knew our situation, which you can't, you would have some idea of what an extremely sad thing that is to say. You shouldn't assume it to anyone, its insulting.