To ask if you regret educating your kids privately?

[ifeelsoextraordinary]

Having the state v private debate at the moment for our D.C....it would be a huge stretch but do-able. If you sent your kids to private education, do you think it was worth it? Would you do it again?

I could have listed so many more, but yes agreeing with pp; why are the parents so keen to pay for the polish incapable of doing that themselves?

It's very slopey shoulderish approach to responsible parenting. I know DC that have been left very ill in medical centre by 'D' P who won't take them out of school.
I also don't agree with the inference of FT meaning lots of money or superiority. Only because I have just heard it used just once too often to somehow say something of importance that I'm not understanding.
This 'refinement' is meaningless, its polish, and meaningless to the breadth and reach of the individual underneath. What I do know is there is some horrific 'entitlement' issues with some private school yobs, that I haven't seen amongst those in state schools, who learn how to live within social diversity; far more beneficial to the world than 'refinement'.

One of the reasons we moved our DC from state to private is the sheer lack of funding available to state schools. We saw the impact this had on teaching staff, support staff, equipment, resources, etc. The staff were trying their best with what they had, and the PTA was having to spend money on “essentials” to help the school out, but the school was in a desperate situation. When teachers were off sick, TAs had to cover the lessons as the school couldn’t afford supply teachers anymore. It was getting worse and worse. Not the only reason why we moved them, but a major factor in the decision.

I've been happy with my children's education so far in state (eldest year 10) but I'm noticing a difference in my year 7 dd's experience this year and my eldest's experience of year 7 in the same school, due to funding cuts/teacher shortages. Elder dd had some great/experienced teachers in year 7. Younger dd seems to have a lot of trainee/inexperienced teachers. The sixth form was previously excellent but seems to be starting to suffer too. So now might be a good time to go private if you have the option.

DC had some extremely poor teaching at high level at private school, teachers (plural) were removed, only after.
Also, found strong careers advice and specific career focus support very lacking, actually pretty absent (at PS).
Interestingly my state state school experience included breadth of feedback on the school, whereas PS, did not! and really could have done with it

I do think that once you are out the other end you realise it’s a huge amount of money spent you’ll never get back...

I can totally imagine my parents wondering if it’s worth it - not because we don’t have good careers and didn’t get As (we do and we did) but probably we could have got equally good careers from a good state school. A career after all that money spent is not that different to a career without all that money spent.

I don’t regret their choice at all though. I’m very grateful. I loved my school, did well and have great friends still. It gave me a confidence with all kinds of people. I’m sending my children private too. And periodically wondering whether it’s worth it 😂

I think when people say state and mean ‘grammar’ it’s not really much different from private education - most likely more academic and more selective. I think it’s a bit of a false distinction as I don’t believe anyone is really suggesting private is better than grammar? So ‘I did really well out of my super selective grammar so you don’t need private’ is a bit of a non point IMO.

@shriek I would imagine most of those parents aren’t capable of giving that polish due to their own background and lack of experience. I know my own mum becomes very shy and nervous around rich, successful people because she’s not from that background. She also doesn’t have the “right” accent, read the “right” things or visit the “right” places simply due to the circumstances of her own upbringing. She therefore wouldn’t have known where to start in giving that to me and my siblings.

But as we went to private school we are all confident amongst rich, successful people and know the right things to say as our schools engendered that sense of confidence and we were surrounded by people from those backgrounds. Even now my mum will become a bit of a silent, awkward shadow when meeting our friends’ parents (even though we are all grown up), whereas to us these people are “normal”.

This isn’t a criticism of my mum btw, just an explanation of why she wouldn’t have been able to provide the “polish” herself but wanted it for us.

All these threads ever show is that it does literally come down to the schools in question than a wider state vs private debate

Hmm, I'm not so sure. There is definetly an air of some folks slating private schools, some jealous comments, about kids unable to cope outside school, crap schools, spoon fed kids, druggies etc.

I don't really understand it, if folks are so happy with their state school choices why the attacks?

You don't see it the other way around really, which shows something about people's true feelings on their choices. If you're happy with your choices you don't feel thr need to attack others for making different choices to you

No regrets, although it's a different type of private school, (we do still pay) and I have to let her board.
State schools are abysmil in our area, we would H.ed before we sent her to a local state school.
I know there are some great state schools though and some poor private schools.
If you can afford private then I'd look at all the possible schools in your area and choose the school, rather than the sector.
Unless like us they are all bad, and H.ed is better than a bad school.

I would think they are on the minority, from what I've seen on MN, at private school, and state.
The covert drug taking, drinking and abortions were all during private school, I liked the expulsions but sadly state school s can't just expel as easily. It's a known thing for many PSs to have big drug/drink issues, and the fee paying parents 'fees' bias decision-making.
Do PSs do random drug and alchohol testing, I never checked that out?

The thing is that ultimately people want to buy a good education for their children. If your position is that it is perfectly fair for a child to have access to what you consider a better education because of choices you made (or more likely choices your partner or your or their parents made) then so be it.

The flip side of that coin is that other children with less wealthy parents should get the education they deserve. It's an ugly mindset.

Sorry, that ^ [first bit] in response conker

It's not possible to generalise all state v all private, or all DC either

It's an assumption that paying means good, when you compare academic results alone that doesn't always follow.

It depends on the measures used, most say from here that polish is worth a fortune, like its not possible to engender good manners, confidence and so on. Entitlement is a bit of an ugly word too.

My dc have done both depending if we are in UK(state) non U.K. (private). I was wondering if we went back to the UK if we would pay for private and for the right school I would be tempted. But equally if I found the right state school I wouldn't bother.
My pair are averagely academic so far and although only in primary neither currently want a degree based career. So if I did keep them in private school it wouldn't be so that they would access a certain university or career.

I moved my DC1 to an independent school with a good track record for dealing with dyslexia (although a mainstream school) and have never regretted it - he’s moved from the position where I thought he might never read, to actually be looking like he’s going to get some pretty good GCSE results. It’s been the saving of him and worth every penny. My DS2 perhaps benefitted from small class sizes in the infants as he was a bit of a slow starter, but frankly the juniors was a waste of money for him - he have had as good in any number of state primaries. And I do laugh at the suggestion you go private to avoid the hoi poloi...we’ve had some terrible trouble with behaviour at his senior school, and I’m pulling him out - although I can’t get him a decent state place now so he’ll be going to an excellent independent that’s further away.

My younger kids, are going to state primary. I may well assess my options again come secondary time, but for a child with no additional needs and reasonably good state options, it’s not worth the cash to send private. That said the extracurricular activities can be amazing for the lazy parent! (No judgment, I’ve made full use)

If your position is that it is perfectly fair for a child to have access to what you consider a better education because of choices you made (or more likely choices your partner or your or their parents made) then so be it

Seriously? Why do you think it's more likely about a partner or parents? I out earn my husband, and my child was privately educated due to my earnings.

You lose all credibility when you context your statement with some form of mysognistic 1950 s bullshit.

I don't think the choice (assuming you have the funds) is between state and private, it is simply between different schools which may or may not suit your child(ren). We had very specific reasons for choosing the (private) schools we did for our specific children in our particular area, and they went to different schools according to their needs. Accordingly we have no regrets in choosing the schools we did.

We have had this debate (I posted about this on here where my PIL offered to pay for our sons private education)

I was state educated and DH privately educated, at the moment DS1 is thriving in his state school, all though a long way down the track we are seriously considering them being privately educated at secondary.

I just feel the private prep schools we saw just seemed so strict and rigid, and I was desperate to give them a bit freedom with the more relaxed state schools.

What Bluntness said!

Don't think bullying doesn''t go on in private primaries. Or that racism, sexism doesn't go on in private secondaries. And often nasty stuff about who your parents are and what they earn.

However - because of the lack of money and space in state schools and the key stuff about how the schools are graded - clearly sports, music and arts tend to suffer. On top of which we lack science and maths and language teachers.

And in some areas keeping a class under control and the problems they have outside with county lines drug running and knife crime means the divide gets bigger and bigger. Not just big cities but country areas too.

I didn’t always think it was a great idea and well it’s cost as much as a house since she was 3, but yes.

DD it turned out has ASD which we had an inkling of when we sent her (0-3 nursery thought it was the case), so being in tiny classes with limited noise helped massively over the years.

Now she’s 15, she has some anxiety MH issues (along with sensory problems and dyslexia) and she gets school councilling, interventions, safe places to go and staff she can go to when she can’t cope.

She’s on course despite all her problems for 7,8 and 9’s for her GCSE’s, which is amazing considering how much school she’s missed due to MH problems in the last 2 years.

I’m not sure all Private Schools are the same, but I think we chose the right one for her.

I went and gutted I won’t be able to send mine. Like my job but sector is fairly badly paid.

Yes indeed my DH and I jointly pay for our children’s education seeing as we both work and have similar incomes... hohum. But that not to say there aren’t plenty of SAHM where the husbands income pays or grandparents putting their hands in their pockets. Not sure why it makes any difference to anything. Does private school become ok only if you pay yourself?

I don’t consider the flip side of paying for education or indeed anything else to be that everyone else is getting ‘what they deserve’. Odd notion. Not even sure I know what that is meant to mean.

A relative works in a very prestigious private school. She says academically the school is great, but the pastoral care is far inferior to local state schools - provides boarding as well. So it depends very much what you are looking for.

Shocking medical care abuses in PS, but I can't think of an instance of poor medical care in the state schools, and they have been put to the test with mine.

Also the comment about not mixing with the Hoi Polloi made me grin wryly.
A cousin sent only one of their children to private secondary school. They did that as their DD was easily lead so they sent her to a prestigious private school rather than the great state her siblings went to. The hope was that she would then be kept away from other kids who were a bad influence. Instead she met a very posh teenage boy who introduced her to drugs. They married as soon as they left school and she had 3 kids very very young, followed by a divorce soon after when she decided to get clean. The exact same may have happened at state school, but a prestigious private school did nothing in terms of keeping her away from "undesirables".