To ask if you regret educating your kids privately?

[ifeelsoextraordinary]

Having the state v private debate at the moment for our D.C....it would be a huge stretch but do-able. If you sent your kids to private education, do you think it was worth it? Would you do it again?

For us the value add was knowing that we had reviewed the options and we were giving our daughter the best education ans school experience we could from the options available to us.

At 20 - would you rather have a house with no mortgage or an extra few grades at GCSE, and some extra "polish".

My friend's DD got 11A stars at a world famous private school but wants to study art.

I'm finding this sentence incomprehensible. Are you saying that only not-very-bright people should pursue art beyond secondary education?

Or that no-one at an independent school should go on to study art?

Or ... What exactly?

For me the value added would have to be compared with the available state options. At my mid ranking school I am not sure I got much more than I'd've got at a grammar if I'd been in the right area.. but personality wise needed the more academic school than a comp - I wasn't robust enough to work despite disruption.

For DD if we stay in a grammar area will not consider private without major scholarships or specific extra curricular options I couldn't source independently. If faced with limited state options that wouldn't suit, would try to scrape together funds.

At 20 - would you rather have a house with no mortgage or an extra few grades at GCSE, and some extra "polish"

I think that's down to the individual and what you do with the few extra grades and polish, if you're a high earner for your whole career, then it outweighs your mortgage free house at twenty,

But I have to be honest, not many state schoo kids have parents buying them houses at twenty, so I'm not sure how valid the comparison is.

I don't regret it for a second though with three DC I do try not to actually add up the cost and think of other things we could have done with that money. I never regarded it as buying results and not sure it made much difference to paper qualifications in the end but it helped achieve them a childhood and young adulthood I was very very happy with and it's an end in itself that we provided that. What they do with their adult lives is up to them.

My two are still primary age but we have no regrets yet. However, we're fortunate in that we don't struggle to pay the fees and if we were in a position where we had to cut back massively in order to afford it we'd probably have chosen a good state school instead (if one of was available). I think with supportive parents and a decent school a child can excel in both systems.

I don't think you should consider sending your child to private school if you are going to be disappointed if they don't want the sort of life/career that private schools are supposed to prepare you for.

I completely agree with this. I know many parents like this and it's an awful amount of pressure to put on a child. Our approach is to expose them to lots of different opportunities and give them the resources they need to follow their own passions and interests.

What I'm saying is in the first sentence of my post.

Well it is one of the most trotted out arguments for choosing private school is it not?

Allegedly so.

It’s very selective who actually sees those posts though

Infact Akanamali quoted it in her post just now, so I don't understand the struggle to comprehend.

But I have to be honest, not many state schoo kids have parents buying them houses at twenty, so I'm not sure how valid the comparison is.

Because the majority of state school kids can't afford private school, that is what a private education costs though, and yes, if you earn more because of your private school, then it might differ, however long term success in a profession is rarely related to school academic results - but what comes after..

And the point others are saying about pressure - that mortgage free house gives you the freedom to not have to do 60 hours weeks as a doctor, lawyer or banker until you're pulling in the extra money. It genuinely gives you the freedom to follow dreams - sadly of course lots of parents don't want dreams to be followed, they want a child who's a doctor they can boast about over dinner parties.

Infact Akanamali quoted it in her post just now, so I don't understand the struggle to comprehend

It was the “one of the most trotted out” that I was doubting.

Private was the right choice for my two, although I moved my eldest from the first school I sent him to. At the time he needed a huge amount of support, significant adjustments and plans in place because of PTSD and neither me nor DH being given grief when he had to taken out of school for emergency appointments. I shudder to think about how difficult it would have been to manage his PTSD in a class of 30, not to mention the difficulties in accessing appropriate 1-2-1 and staff training!

Well naturally few people are honest enough to say they pay for their child's private education because they want to avoid the hoi polloi .

They usually dress it up as their child needing small class sizes and to be among like-minded studious pupils without SEN or other disadvantages because they are especially precious sensitive/gifted/easily distracted/need a leg up to the old boy network etc.

Actually, although it didn’t happen with my daughter, I have no issue in some circumstances non-qualified experts being part of a teaching team.

I had the benefit of that in my school, and it was fantastic.

A580Hojas

See that’s not my experience at all, but then DD’s school had a superb SEN department. In fact out of her class of 18, 11 had SEN of some sort.

JacquesHammer
I was replying to QuarterMiss previously, should have made it clear. I hate using this fecking @ thing on here - it's not Twitter, which I will not touch with a bargepole.

I was privately educated. My mum was mostly a single parent with no financial support from my dad. She worked at times 3 jobs to keep me in private education and had an hour and a half commute for many years to her FT job. It was hard I’m sure, but it was a priority for her. I think it was absolutely worth it. I got an amazing education and opportunities I never would have had in our local state schools. I feel very grateful.

I work in a small indie which specialises in sport and has a very good reputation for helping pupils with additional needs.
I think it depends on the school and the pupil. I’m a bit of a leftie and I’m not sure I completely approve of private ed. I work here to preserve my mental health as state education is brutal on teachers (I did 26 years in state so I think I’m well placed to say so). Some pupils I know would disappear in state do wonderfully here ( I actually have one student I taught both here and in state - she hasn’t done much better academically I don’t think, but I can see the social/confidence advantages). Some get incredible grades. The teaching staff are massively committed (there’s only one I wouldn’t be delighted to have teaching my own DC) and the co-curricular provision is, frankly, unbelievable. Academically, though, a pupil with no additional needs I really confidence issues would do as well in local state provision.

I went to a decent roman Catholic private school and would say that IMO it is likely to result in a more 'refined', well spoken individual (although that could certainly also be down to the privileged backgrounds of many of my schoolmates). I feel this helped me in climbing the career ladder when I was working for a large corporate firm as I had to do lots of client presentations/write tenders etc and it really helped.

Having retrained in a technical field (which pays much better) , I feel my degree and private schooling aren't really very applicable and just result in people joking about my 'posh accent'. In fact, if I could go back I'd just keep the money I spent on my degree and invest it.

I hate using this fecking @ thing on here - it's not Twitter, which I will not touch with a bargepole

Agree totally. I don’t use it either.

And the point others are saying about pressure - that mortgage free house gives you the freedom to not have to do 60 hours weeks as a doctor, lawyer or banker until you're pulling in the extra money. It genuinely gives you the freedom to follow dreams - sadly of course lots of parents don't want dreams to be followed, they want a child who's a doctor they can boast about over dinner parties.

For what it's worth, I wouldn't encourage my children to go into super stressful professions. I spent a short time in finance and the junior banker lifestyle is not something I'd want for my children. I also have a couple of medic friends who've gently steered their children away from medicine.

You also have no idea what (if anything) the posters on this thread have done or will do to assist with future housing costs.

Needs or confidence issues*

My MIL doesn’t exactly “regret” funding 2 grandchildren from age 5-18 (she could easily afford it though) but she doesn’t think it was worth it and won’t do it again. That’s based on their grades and career paths. They’re in their 20s now. School was a good school and gave them many extra curricular opportunities that they loved. Their low grades reflected their academic ability - they were never going to get As and MIL didn’t realise you can’t just buy them

Still, colour me grabby that I’m very slightly envious that because MIL doesn’t rate her older grandchildren’s career choices, my 2 aren’t having the same opportunity
Oh well.

Absolutely the best thing I could have done for my boys. DS1- very bright, gangling, unco-ordinated, shy, self-effacing. Would have fallen through the cracks at the local high school. At the independent school, he was streamed into the top class, where he did Latin and Japanese, was co-opted into the chapel choir, which inspired a life-long interest in music, his unrealised talent for middle-distance running was picked by the astute games master, and his latent leadership qualities were recognised in his last year by being picked as head of his house. DS2, chronic asthmatic, was nurtured through difficult times by a superb deputy head, who gave him roles that would not challenge his health too much, but would not single him out as an invalid. He missed a lot of school with hospitalisations, but he survived academically and is articulate and well-informed. The clubs the school offered stimulated leisure activities that will stay with him forever, and created friendship networks that are still active 25 years after leaving school. Money well spent, IMO.