To ask if you regret educating your kids privately?

[ifeelsoextraordinary]

Having the state v private debate at the moment for our D.C....it would be a huge stretch but do-able. If you sent your kids to private education, do you think it was worth it? Would you do it again?

"...public school polish with fantastic manners."
My kids have fantastic manners for free because I've taught them! Eldest is pretty good at public speaking too. They might sound slightly northern compared to my southern vowels but I'm sure we can work on the RP.

Thanks to geography, they'll be going to an outstanding rural state academy for secondary, so that's the academic side sorted - although unfortunately they won't have access to that important fee paying school marker, Latin.

I'm happy to give them access to any sports they might want to do too.

Hundreds of thousands of pounds saved! There I was feeling bad because we aren't making the 'sacrifices' that all private school parents make, but this thread has just confirmed what I've always suspected are the real reasons people send their kids private.

I've heard that the quality of the drugs available at boarding school is better though.

@Moanella Latin a fee paying marker?

I did Latin at a London comp, and my London comp still continues to offer the subject over 20 years later.

I also know people including relations who went to London comps who did sports associated with the private sector mainly because sports clubs, including some very prestigious ones, go into the schools as part of their charity work.

Its nice that some people always feel
The need to come on and slate private schools and generalise.

For what's its worth I agree with some of the more balanced posts. We chose a fee paying selective school. I do believe that not all private schools are better than allstate schools. We did have good state schools near us although it seemed that one of the reasons the state was doing well was because 95% of the primary school students were doing tuition to get into the grammar schools. DD and DS both got into some of the best private schools in the country and if it wasn't for that we probably wouldn't have considered private school. Financially has been a stretch but has been worth it. And yes we don't know any different apart from
Our own schooling. DD in particular is vey bright and has done very well so far. How much of that is her and how much of that is being a product of her environment - school and Home - it's hard to say. I see it that it has helped to realise her potential. Part of the package of private school and this School in particular is that the school
Has encouraged stretch and ambition . It's a Case of how far do you want to go rather than getting everybody up to a minimum. DD has thrived under that academic excellence environment and has learnt in a very holistic way. She is very articulate confident and believes that she can aim for whatever she wants to. Nothing has been spoon fed and she has worked hard and the school has taken her natural curiosity and positively developed that. It is a lot of money and we have definitely gone without a lot of things to make this happen however we see it as an investment in our children. Is it essential if u can't afford it - not necessarily. Will u get a good education without this - yes absolutely. Do we regret it - not at all. Also just to say that we haven't seen as yet any benefit of any network however definitely seen the benefit of mixing amongst friends and family that promote excellence and ambition.

I agree with sensory's posts.

On networking it just depends on your personality, I was very shy and certainly never got a job through a connection as the ind of jobs I went for in London had pretty objective recruitment processes and they still do. It can be useful to be able to speak to people in interviews about things you have in common with them but good interviewers and candidates will find something in everyone.

I never felt I was buying good manners with school fees. I did with teenager years buy a peer gorup in a sense - if 99% of the whole school goes to good universities then your child is more likely to do so. Some children as teenagers are more influenced by peers than parents - it is a natural phase of life. however you can of course get that in a posh comp in a £1m hour price area or state grammar in the few areas with those, or home ed or state boarding or whatever.

Private or primary very much depends on the school. If you are going to go private, I would recommend going for a selective private.

Is only send my kid private if it didn't involve a sacrifice financially. I feel that scraping money together every month after paying fees would be detrimental. I'd prioritise a nice home, interesting holidays more than once a year, fun and educational days out and me not having to work extra hours therefore her being in school very long days (wraparound) over private schools in our area. I would however do private sixth form with boarding. I think a really good sixth form living in after a good state secondary can be a great experience.

DSs were at a private Prep school. Due to our circumstances we were forced to pull them out and send them to a state school. In all honesty, it was the best thing we did. Apart from the sport (which is the SOLE thing I miss from the Prep school) they have absolutely flourished in the state system. The larger classes which I was worried about, actually helped them feel more confident and included. Instead of just being told that my younger son needed to concentrate more and work harder, the state school identified that there could be a learning issue, and he is in the process of a diagnosis. The extra steps the state school have put in place to assist him have been amazing.

But, I've also paid for them to have some tutoring (through Explore Learning, so not prohibitively expensive) and the shorter school days have meant that we could go after school twice a week. They fell behind in the private system, not in the state system btw. The state system was catching them up brilliantly, but I thought they could do with a boost to make sure there were no gaps in their subject knowledge.

And this was a very good private school. Quite frankly I think a lot of private schools expect the parents to be far more involved in their child's education. Very bright children did well. Moderately bright children got left behind. Children who needed extra help had to pay for every extra bit of tutoring etc through the school that was provided. Nothing was included in the initial fees.

I wonder how many people who say that it was a worthless expense are going off anecdotal information that they heard from a friend of a friend.

My SEN son who was embraced and supported by both his prep and senior independent schools has achieved outstanding results at A level. Considering that when he was first diagnosed, the state school he attended doubted he would ever be able to manage to use a pencil.
My other DC was diagnosed as dyslexic, but I had to have him privately assessed because his state school didn't see there was a problem. He was also embraced and supported by his prep ( where he went from a reading age of 6.3 to 10.5 in his first term) and senior school and is now a supremely confident and competent university student getting a 1:1.Both are at ease in any social situation, both good at sports.
Both got to choose their path.. it wasn't just what was available.

What their independent school has given them is acceptance without judgement. They weren't pigeon-holed as SEN. They were taught to fly, and they did. That is what we paid for.

I echo Honestyofficer. DD also dyslexic and there was a time when I wondered whether she would ever be able to read let alone get pass any exams. Every one else was reading fluently at 5 and it was only with support and individual attention she really found her feet at 9. She ended up with great GCSE results, and academic scholarship for 6th form and is now on course for a decent RG Uni. She is very articulate, confident, outgoing and just as importantly kind.

Mind you she went to a different private school for 2 terms at aged 11 and loathed it - hated the teaching style and the culture. Found that the school hot-housed, that there was little in the way of sport and there was a culture of bullying.

...so I don't think you can say all private schools are great. You can't say that they are all dreadful. You can't say it about State schools either. It depends on the child and the 'fit'.

It has been darned expensive but in her case it was worth every penny.

I’ve taught in state and private schools. There are very good and very bad schools in both sectors. Most children will do well at any school and the few that don’t will often struggle without extra support whether you are paying or not. Some private schools have narrower curriculum and worse facilities than comparable state options. The choice really does come down to what is best for every individual child.

My advice is to only send privately if you can easily afford it and still live a comfortable lifestyle. Don’t pressurise your child or expect them to be a high achiever just because you are making huge sacrifices by paying for their education.

"I've heard that the quality of the drugs available at boarding school is better though"

Silly and fallacious generalisations

My dd, who was educated at a small independent day school until Year 11 (no Sixth form - school too small so sadly Sixth form not viable), did not encounter drugs (or alcohol fuelled parties) until she entered state education and attended a highly rated Sixth form college where frankly drugs are rife, and every so often the College invites the police to bring in sniffer dogs. Dd is agog at the smoking, drinking, drug taking (and sexually promiscuous) culture at Sixth form college

Depends on the child. I home educated my oldest with autism and SEN, I sent my more able autistic second child to an academy with an autistic centre and I sent my third child to a small independent. I pay for her as she has traits and difficulties but not enough to get state help. My second child got 8's in both the GCSE's he took in year 10 and is on track for 8's and 9's in year 11. My third child is in year 10 and predicted 6's and 7's so being in a private school does not mean better grades as that depends on the child. But she can ski, ride, do fabulous presentations, has already done her D of E bronze, has links with lots of local businesses as their business studies GCSE is done hands on with companies and she has had a class of 8 which has meant coupled with a 1-1 sen tutor she is doing better academically than I would ever have thought. If you pay private do it for the right reasons ie it will benefit the child but don't expect wonderful GCSE results just because they are private. As far as actual teaching I would rate my second child's academy far superior to the independent but only for able children because in classes of 35 plus the less able ones can be left behind.

The state versus private debate is way too simplistic

What skills do you want your DC to acquire? What talents do they have that need to be nurtured? Ask yourself those questions and ask yourself what resources you have available to fulfil your aims.

I was privately educated at a top boarding school. I've never earned more than minimum wage. Hth.

It really depends on your values. Not all children who go to private school will go on to achieve top grades and high-flying, top-earning careers. If that’s all you want for your child then private might not be worth it for you. But as an example, my brother went to private school, didn’t get the best grades or a high flying career (yet), but does have incredible confidence and an amazing network of well-connected friends. I think he will end up being successful as his aspirations and confidence have increased so much.

Yikes @Moanella - bitter much? Sure sounds like it.

I send my daughter to private school - because we can afford it and the school is a lovely little school run by a family, passed down from generation to generation. It is a very small school and academically, they have done very well. Most importantly, my daughter is happy, she is comfortable, she is confident - the school has helped her develope, and they work hand in hand with us. Pastoral care is great and class sizes are small (13 in a class and no more) This to me tells me that the owners are not interested in simply just money making from the school - they can very well take on 18 children but they choose not too, because to them, 13 is the perfect teacher-children ratio. We are very much involved in decisions the school makes and you feel as though you are part of their family. My son will go there when he is 3.

Obviously not all provate school are like this, there are good and bad ones, as you will find in most everything - whats important is that you believe in the school to be the best choice for your child.

No regrets so far. The primary school we were assigned to gets about 39% of children on national
average end of KS2. To get into sny other school, hou need to buy a house pretty much next door for at least £50000 more than anywhere else. I rather pay a school than realmestate agents.

We moved from state to private because the local state primary (very very naice area, Ofsted Outstanding etc etc) completely failed both of my DSs. DS1 is quite severely autistic but the school decided they knew better either than his parents or his medical professionals, and accused me of lying and paranoia. And whilst he fell further and further behind and was horrifically bullied, they turned a blind eye and kept telling me he was "fine". DS2 is pretty bright but is summer born and they put him in the lower groups for everything based on his age in the year group, and he was so bored that he became the child from hell (school hours only ). We moved to a small private school mainly for DS1, so that he could benefit from the smaller classes and quieter atmosphere (he also moved down a year, which the state system wouldn't let him do). He thrived in this new environment for several years until the time came for him to go to a special school. I do think he survived far longer in mainstream private than he would have done in mainstream state. DS2 is doing extremely well in private and is being challenged academically, and as a result he stopped being the child from hell pretty much as soon as he started at the private school.

I don't regret it for a minute, even though financially it's not easy, and yes I would do it all again. But as others have said, each situation is specific to one individual family's child(ren) and the specific state and private schools that they've experienced. Do I think all state primaries are crap and would fail both of my children? Absolutely no, no way at all - but I guess I was seduced by the Ofsted Outstanding rating and expected better than we got. Do I think all private schools are the holy grail? Again, absolutely no. But for us, in our situation, the private school DS2 is at now is where he's happy and where he's staying.

@suttree in all your posts over the last few days I swear you're my dad. Are you my dad?

We had three at independent schools, now at universities.

I can see how they have turned out differently compared to if they had been at UK local schools.

But, I would not have got into debt for it. It cost a fortune, we made cutbacks, but we have no regrets and would do the same again.

My DD went to a very good state infant and junior school, and Private Secondary (with the intention to stay on for A levels). We were extremely lucky that her academics and sports got her a scholarship into Private.

Having seen both sides, state and private, I would say the main difference is the size of classes, and attention to detail given to each child. Our state secondary is classed at outstanding, and the local grammar which was also an option is excellent, but they are very big schools in comparison to DDs school.

Academically (again extremely luckily) the achievements of DDs school are actually higher than the grammar, even though it's not strictly selective. This seems to be due to teachers being able to spend more time with each child and really getting the best out of them.

It's a tricky one as without the scholarship we wouldn't have even contemplated private, but now that DD is there I really think it would have been worth somehow finding the money as she's getting so much out of it.

Who knew how she would have turned out if she went state !!!
What a drippingly loaded statement
Some statements worth making I feel.

Asked to make application to cambridge
Many expulsions for drugs and drink, commonplace drug-taking
DofE fold award done
Ski trip was best thing ever for DC
11 As
AAA
Abortions [under-age obvs]
Truly amazing teacher, inspiring
Truly crap teacher, drunk, totally uninspiring
Rude, antagonistic teacher, insulting
After class dedicated classes for subject catch up
Great affiliations with many businesses and community support
3 x grade A* and now Oxbridge
Theiving and vile underhand fellow students
Bullies
Most amazing lifelong friends
Great sporting ethos
Living together
Desperately home-sick (dropping tears on letters home)
Medical practices highly dangerous

They ^ relate to different DC and different schools, private and state. It's clear that some relate to private, but others could be both or either.
It's my belief that the most important thing is that your DC buys into whatever 'their' choice is, as they are the ones that have to live it, its their education and their life.
We have moved to be near outstanding state schools and sent long distances to state, and boarded privately.

I will leave you to ponder over which statement belongs to which! It's been an eye opener and we have much to be thankful for from all. Schools are all so very different, obviously. State doesn't mean one thing, and private mean another, but I know there are commonly held prejudices and beliefs about both, but they shouldn't be the influencer of your choice.
It's the fit that matters and your own DC feeling thats what they want for them, with all the hopefully decent choices presented

Oh and budget for price hikes ifnyou choose private!

unfortunately they won't have access to that important fee paying school marker, Latin

There are state schools that offer Latin too so it’s not solely private schools that offer it.

I think people talk a load of rubbish about state v private education. The 'polish' and 'connections' stuff that gets trotted out about private school kids is mostly nonsense - that stuff more often comes from the home environment. If 'posh' kids turn out to be arrogant little shits or unprepared for adult life, why not blame the parents, not their school? Like it or not, parents have the biggest influence on how their kids turn out.