To ask if you regret educating your kids privately?

[ifeelsoextraordinary]

Having the state v private debate at the moment for our D.C....it would be a huge stretch but do-able. If you sent your kids to private education, do you think it was worth it? Would you do it again?

Shriek I’m surprised you even contemplated private school for your dc considering you are so vehemently anti them.

I'm not

Although I'm in Australia, I think similar rationales apply here. We also have the stonkingly expensive , average wage per year type schools.
For us, it was very dependant on what was available in our area. Most of the public/state schools are pretty shit, especially if you have child with a "quieter" learning disorder.
We sent both our kids to state primaries and picked the best performing school on the tables for high school which is a Catholic private one. It also has an excellent learning centre for disabilities. None of the state schools we were zoned for had had a student with dysgraphia attending, two had not heard of it.
The primary school had ignored him due to the many children with behavioural disorders that ( apologies) dominated the special education resources. He has gone from bottom streams at the start of Year 7 to the top ones in 3 years with their assistance and pastoral care.
If we were in a city - we would have had a bigger range of competitively ranked state schools with better resources and would have chosen one of those. It simply wasn't an option here, and I don't believe in boarding schools for my sons.

From what I heard, Australia is rather different to England.

Private schools make up a very high percentage of the school sector in Oz (something like one third of all pupils are attending one at any given time) and they appear to be way way more affordable. I am not sure why, but I think that they get subsidized by the government (so perhaps "semi-private" would be a better description....?). I have an Australian friend with four kids who was considering relocating to England a few years back. She had (understandably) sort of vaguely assumed that because she was paying four sets of private school fees in Oz, she'd be in a position to do so in England too--her jaw hit the floor when I showed her the kind of money that would involve for four children, even outside London!

From what I have heard, most of these reasonably-priced private schools in Oz offer nicer facilities than state schools, but no real difference in the standard of education once family background and income level are controlled for. On average. I don't doubt that in some particular areas, the local private school might be a much better choice than the local state school.

Obviously, Australia will also have some very exclusive and expensive private schools as well, which no doubt select their pupils heavily.

Educational standards in Australia are not particularly world-beating and appear to have declined quite a lot over the last 15 years, suggesting that the additional of more competition from the private sector probably does very little to boost the general standard of education nationwide.

www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2018/aug/18/bespoke-education-are-australias-private-schools-worth-the-price-tag

It's an assumption that paying means good, when you compare academic results alone that doesn't always follow

It’s an assumption that worth as described by the OP refers to academic results alone.

The sport is way better at the local private schools. State school is so good I can’t justify paying £30k a year so dd abit better at hockey

I did very well out of my private education, but I was bright and would probably have done very well anywhere else as well. I might have had a few less A* but I don't think it would have changed the course of my life that much if I'd gone to the local good state school.

My sibling really struggled at his state school and really benefited from the extra attention he got in a smaller class.

If it had been a huge stretch for my parents, I don't think it would have been worth it (especially for me). Having the money available later to fund an MSc or a house deposit would have made more of an important difference to our lives.

Obviously if your local schools are rubbish, or there is a particular reason a private school is better, this may be different.

The study ethos is very good in PSs, and in some state schools too, it allows for less students to just amble along dipping in and out, and the seniors have study responsibilitys and family type roles for supporting the younger. It's a great ethos and can work extremely well, as the younger ones can be so vulnerable when boarding and have no escape if things are going bad and they too scared to approach house parent or matron.
Keeping DC on track, engaged and enjoying, whilst having aspirations for themselves, whether at state or PS is what matters, and that it's really what the DC want to do, as they are the ones who have to ride the inevitable consequences whatever the choice.

Can I ask a practical question? Lots of you on this thread have talked about a state vs private decision in a way which suggests that there is a huge choice of private education in your doorstep. The advantage with going to state school is that it is going to be fairly local, because state schools prioritise children who live close to them. Those of you who went private (non-boarding), did your children also have longer school runs or was it just lucky that you had suitable private schools close to home?

I ask because we are considering sending our son to a private prep school but it would mean three times the travel time every day compared to the local state primary round the corner.

For us in a village primary would have been a longer drive to private but secondary would have been about he same.
In the overseas city where we live there are closer schools, we are a half hour drive away from the school we have chosen.

I should perhaps clarify a bit why I asked that question- what I am getting at is that I feel that a longer “commute” makes the school day pretty hard going for kids, so am wondering whether that element might negate some of the advantages of going private if there isn’t one within, say, half an hour of home. For example the only real private secondary option for us would be an hour each way. Is that too much?

The secondary school we will be using next year will be about an hour away, maybe 50 minutes. Until you mentioned travelling time we really hadn't thought about it too much. I find the car journey gives us a good chance to chat, the DC can do last minute revision for tests. Our travel will be our drive plus half an hour bus trip they will do with school, so with friends. It is time DC would want to spend on screens if at home so no great loss I feel.

My DH has been honest with me and said he feels like his education was a waste of money. He seems to be really shaky on key skills like grammar and times tables but that's maybe just him. I liked my state grammar and feel it did me well. My children are all at state schools and I like that I have the money to add bits in terms of extra curricular activities. I think I'd always be thinking about the cost - it would be hard to admit to others that the money would have been better spent, but it would always be a thought at the back of my mind.

I've known a few parents choose private because they wanted to avoid sen / disruption, and were surprised to find that there are often very many children who find the mainstream hard in these schools - for many of the less prestigious indies, these children are their bread and butter, and do very well in a less academic environment.

We only looked at schools that were commutable but we did have quite a few to choose from (both state and private), up to about half an hour away. To be honest, if the closest private was an hour away, we wouldn’t have considered looking at it but that’s because we have so many good state options that are closer. I would only have considered an hour’s commute if we honestly didn’t like any of the state options.

By the way, that is referring to secondary/senior. I think an hour is too far for primary age.

Just to add I grew up in the countryside and my journey to my state school was a 50 minute bus trip to and from everyday.

Also bear in mind the area that the students will be coming from to go to the school. My DC have friends now that live 45 mins away from us so arranging meet-ups in holidays etc are a lot less convenient than they used to be when everyone lived in the village.

On distance, as we are outer London loads of children travel a lot anyway for school to go to C of E or hindu school or state sixth form in London or out to the grammars - Watford grammar, hernrietta B etc so I don't think it's like other parts of the country outside city centres. Also some private schools are boarding so the children have no travel (as indeed is the case in state boarding schools).

My daughter took a school coach for about 30 mins to school (plus the time to pick her up from it).and loved it from age 5 and they were put in classes with children who lived near them too. There was also the coach, for normal days, the late coach for those doing after school clubs and the late late coach which could be useful if you had been away to a match after school although she rarely got that one.

I had a boyfriend at university who went to a prestigious private school - he got good A Levels but was boarding since 11 - he was an RAF brat. He was quite an introvert and I think he really didn't gel with the ethos of the school - very old-fashioned 'jolly hockey sticks very elite' type thing. I actually think that he'd have been better off at my rough comp - he'd have still got decent grades since he was no slouch but at my comp the staff generally weren't trying to force you into a pigeonhole if you were actively trying to work.

Neighbours and mine.

N . Same state private.
N private secondary
M state comprehensive

University. Both at the same Uni.
Both studying same subject.

N paid 100k + for same result.

state-boarding ?

There are 38 state boarding schools in the UK currently.

I went to a rough state school, DH to a private school. When we talk about our school days they are world apart. He describes happy carefree days, no bullying, lots of sport opportunities. My school days were survival and uninspiring, but I'm happy with my career. It led to him studying at Oxbridge and has opened doors for him all the way along his career. He is clever and hard-working but it certainly has given him a confidence. I think it was money well spent for him

However I do ethically struggle with the thought of sending our kids to private school. It is buying a privilege. There are many privileges you can buy in life but I think it's the fact that just attending a school can open the doors makes me feel uneasy....

I am not sure it opens any more doors than your parents helping you learn to speak in a particular way or that they read to you or encourage you into higher paid jobs though.

The advantage with going to state school is that it is going to be fairly local, because state schools prioritise children who live close to them

Yeah...until that doesn’t work. We applied for the 5 nearest to us as the crow flies. We are 0.5 miles from our closes and didn’t get in. We got given a failing school 20 minutes drive away.

Those of you who went private (non-boarding), did your children also have longer school runs or was it just lucky that you had suitable private schools close to home?

We actually happen to live very close to the prep we chose so the school run was 3 minutes each way. Out of DD’s class only 3 lived anything other than local.