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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you regret educating your kids privately?

254 replies

ifeelsoextraordinary · 31/10/2018 17:00

Having the state v private debate at the moment for our D.C....it would be a huge stretch but do-able. If you sent your kids to private education, do you think it was worth it? Would you do it again?

OP posts:
Xenia · 31/10/2018 17:02

Yes, it was worth it but I've always worked full time and we could afford it so not the difficult issue some parents have to decide over. Loads of children do well in state schools so no one would critcise you for that choice either.
Yes, I would do it again.

Lauresbadhairday · 31/10/2018 17:33

I sent my DC to private school. It was a lovely caring school and they definitely benefitted from the nurturing environment however in terms of academic success I'm not sure. My eldest only managed to gain 5 GCSEs despite taking 10 and I think capable of achieving more. My youngest is in Year 11 so need to wait and see how he gets on. However I do think that private education has helped develop them both into the well-rounded confident individuals they are now.

Both myself and my OH work full time and we have been fortunate not to struggle to pay the fees but it is a huge financial commitment and at times I wonder whether it has been worth it.

My nephews and nieces have all done well at state school and my youngest will leave at the end of the year to do A levels at the local college.

RedAndGreenPlaid · 31/10/2018 17:46

Absolutely worth it, would do it again... but it has to be the right schools. Some definitely aren't worth the money.

Boyskeepswinging · 31/10/2018 17:48

Good question. We stretched ourselves to send our DS to a "top" prep school as we felt he would benefit from being at a very academic school. However, we weren't that impressed with either the teaching or the pastoral side and he ended up going to a state grammar age 11 instead of continuing on to one of the "top" senior schools aged 13. I honestly think we wasted our money because the teaching he's getting in the state sector is far better, albeit at a selective grammar school. Given my time again I'd have gone state all the way.

DexyMidnight · 31/10/2018 17:48

I have heard several parents (gently amd not in front of their children!) say they regretted it because their children did not do well at exams and/or (sometimes as a consequence) went on to do things that really didn't 'warrant' a private education - for want of a better word.

E.g. One whose son went straight from school into the RAF. As far as I'm aware he loves his job and I am certainly not dismissive of it as a career but the academic entry requirements for school joiners are pretty low and his parents feel he could have realised his dream attending the local comp which btw was very well regarded nationally.

Another saw 2 daughters all the way from reception through to A levels. One worked her way up from barmaiding to supervisor now shift manager at a nightclub. The other daughter is trying to get into drama/theatre school and waitressing while she auditions etc. Again the local school was very good, with high volume of students getting 3xAs and sending many students to vet / medical / law / dental schools, so it certainly wasn't like there was no viable alternative school.

I know there are parents who will always feel their child's education was worth it because they know they gave their kids the best start etc, but i think its only the very wealthy who can afford not to mind if their kids don't go on to have a professional and well paid career as a result.

JacquesHammer · 31/10/2018 17:50

We fell into private primary because we didn’t get any of our preferences.

She’d done nursery at the school, so just carried on through.

We don’t regret it for a moment. It was the best decision we ever made.

Hoppinggreen · 31/10/2018 17:51

Absolutely worth it in our case, we are really pleased with the education and overall school experience dd is getting.
DH was anti Private schools until we looked around some (and State options) for dd

SushiMonster · 31/10/2018 17:51

Best thing that ever happened to my life prospects was going to sixth form at boarding school, because it had an amazing environment. Was the perfect school for me.

However that was quite a while ago. Prices are much higher now.

If I had children I would want to be able to have the option of paying for private education.

Boyskeepswinging · 31/10/2018 17:53

but it has to be the right schools. Some definitely aren't worth the money
See, this concerns me because my DS was at one of the very best prep schools and yet once you peeled away the layers both the teaching and pastoral side were poor. When I tried to discuss this with anyone (staff or other parents) I was met with a wall of silence because you must never question the school. I sussed out the whole thing was the Emperor's New Clothes.

BooEekCackle · 31/10/2018 17:54

Agree with red. Some private schools are pretty rubbish and you would be better off sending them to a decent state school. I am very happy with the private school my DC go to and would sell my house before I take them out of there.

Bluntness100 · 31/10/2018 17:58

Yes absolutely worth it in our case.

Although she is a straight a or a star pupil with a first in law, currently studying to be a solicitor and employed by one of the larger international law firms, I did it to give her all the options, whatever she chose to be.

Who knew how she would have turned out if she went state, but we always felt her education was our priority so we reviewed all options and gave her what we considered the best, which happened to be private.

However you shouldn't do it if you won't be happy with whatever choices your child makes. As said, for us, it was simply giving her all the options, the rest was down to her.

Busybusybust · 31/10/2018 18:00

All of mine went to prep schools and I don’t regret any of it. It gave them a really good start. Only one went to private secondary - long story. Assisted place, rugby, etc.

You really can tell the difference between him and his siblings. He has this sort of public school polish which the others don’t have. Not sure whether I would do it again or not.

IdaBWells · 31/10/2018 18:01

Our kids are still in private schools in another nation. The state schools are also very good locally but much bigger.

They are doing very well academically but what is making the difference is a very strong, close knit school community which has been very supportive and nurturing to our teenagers. Also challenging them to take on leadership roles and helping them mature and take on responsibilities. All the children are very well known, nobody gets lost or overlooked. The teaching is of a very high standard. It depends on the family and the school. For our situation is has been the right choice. My eldest who is about to finish this year has grown so much it's incredible, she is leading in ways I never expected as she was shy and lacked confidence when she entered at 14. She was just chosen out of a pool of 80 female applicants in her year to lead a 3 day event.

missyB1 · 31/10/2018 18:01

Ds has been at private school since the age of 3, started in the nursery class now in year 5. I don’t regeret it at all (despite the fact it’s been a financial struggle), for so many reasons!
1.The small classes suit him (he would be invisible in a class of 30)
2.The breadth of the curriculum makes learning much more fun (eg half a day every week spent in Forest school and sport every single day)

  1. The greater independence levels required and higher expectations will set him up well for senior school whether that be state or private.
Boyskeepswinging · 31/10/2018 18:03

Who knew how she would have turned out if she went state
And this is the crux of the problem - you can only ever have one education so you can never know if what you did was the best option or not. All I know is that my son is now receiving better teaching in the state sector than he got in private (where you had non qualified teachers and daft things like games teachers teaching maths).

Chickenkatsu · 31/10/2018 18:04

Boyskeepswinging: as a matter of interest, where do you live, roughly speaking?

AveEldon · 31/10/2018 18:04

If it's a huge stretch then save now for secondary/tech college/uni

I'm not convinced that private primary makes much difference to overall progress - smaller class sizes are nice when they are little

A580Hojas · 31/10/2018 18:09

I don't think you should consider sending your child to private school if you are going to be disappointed if they don't want the sort of life/career that private schools are supposed to prepare you for.

Afaics from the various arguments people put forward in favour of a private education, you should just enjoy the enormous "privilege" you are buying for your children while they are there (playing fields, mini buses, swimming pools) and the like. That's what you are paying for. Oh and keeping them safe from the hoi polloi.

My friend's DD got 11A* at a world famous private school but wants to study art. Another friend at the same school - his child is a professional footballer!

JenFromTheGlen · 31/10/2018 18:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 31/10/2018 18:15

you can only ever have one education so you can never know if what you did was the best option or not

Of course. All we can do as parents is review the options make a decision and then monitor that decision.

Bluntness100 · 31/10/2018 18:18

where you had non qualified teachers and daft things like games teachers teaching maths

That sounds like an awful school and I think you made the rIght decision with drawing him.

My daughters teachers were excellent and her schools were rated very highly on all scores, but if that had been the case of unqualified teachers I'd never have sent her nor would have kept her there. We paid for a top notch education and pastoral care and that's what she got.

MrsPatmore · 31/10/2018 18:22

I do t think many people are going to pipe up and say they've wasted £100,000+!

JacquesHammer · 31/10/2018 18:24

Oh and keeping them safe from the hoi polloi

Didn’t take long did it 🙄

AveEldon · 31/10/2018 18:29

I think the big question is - what is the value add? (and is it worth the money?)

A580Hojas · 31/10/2018 18:30

Well it is one of the most trotted out arguments for choosing private school is it not?